Second helpings

We love routine and stability; change scares us. I think that all of us at some point in our lives realized that the routine we strived for and had achieved was stifling. Indeed, I went through a period where I became so content with certain arrangements of life that I avoided variety. I was aware that I was in a rut of my own making I knew that I had parked my life in neutral. However, I was comfortable and was not willing to leave my comfort zone. In a battle, comfort tends to win over anxiety, uncertainty and not knowing.

When I think back to what could have been during those years, I almost wish for a magic wand that could give me a partial "do-over." A do-over would not have worked, of course, because I believe that you cannot wish yourself out of a comfortable zone. In most cases, we must have a crisis to help us rethink our position. Once the crisis is realized then we can snap into action and that action may force us out of our comfort zone. This will work for some but not all, many once the crisis is over will retreat to their comfort zone. As you think about retirement think of it as your opportunity to have a second helping of life not as a crisis.

As you face the prospect of getting your second helping at life in retirement, here are some ideas to consider as you move out of your comfort zone and hopefully do not retreat. What was it that kept you living a life that was far less than it could have been? Here are what some people will ask. Everyone’s answer will be different, which is great.

• Why am I afraid of change?

o What are the risks and rewards of making that change and are the risks worth the rewards?

• Why am I afraid of the unknown?

o I was doing OK with the known so what is it the reward of embracing the unknown?

• My family seemed to be prospering but should I start thinking of myself as I move forward? What is the worst thing that could happen if I shake them up? And could they live with it and embrace the change?

• I had to act age-appropriate, didn't I? I had responsibilities, but now I am retired I get to redefine age-appropriate and I have very few responsibilities.

• I have expenses, and my cash flow has to be maintained but if it is not what is the worst thing that could happen, and can I plan for that if it happens?

• Now that I am retired what else can I do?

The decade of Healthy Ageing

Age is one of the first things we notice about other people. Some notice a person’s eyes, or the hair or lack of it, some of us notice the way a person stands. We use these first impressions to make judgements or to put people into categories. Most of us have learned not to judge a person by the colour of their skin, but we have not yet learned not to judge a person because of their age. Ageism arises when age is used to categorize and divide people in ways that lead to harm, disadvantage and injustice and erode solidarity across generations.

Ageism is not just a problem for the elderly. Ageism takes on different forms across the life course. A teenager might, for instance, be ridiculed for starting a political movement; both older and younger people might be denied a job because of their age.

The World Health Organization (WHO) was asked to start, with its partners, a global campaign to combat ageism. So, a Global strategy and action plan on ageing and health was launched in 2021. 2021 to 2030 is the Decade of Healthy Ageing, and I bet few of us know this.

The impact of ageism

My focus is on concerns of the Boomers so even though I understand that ageism is serious for youth, I will focus on ageism and seniors. Ageism has serious and far-reaching consequences for people’s health, well-being and human rights. For older people, ageism is associated with a shorter lifespan, poorer physical and mental health, slower recovery from disability and cognitive decline. Ageism reduces older people’s quality of life, increases their social isolation and loneliness (both of which are associated with serious health problems), restricts their ability to express their sexuality and may increase the risk of violence and abuse against older people.

For individuals, ageism contributes to poverty and financial insecurity in older age and one recent estimate shows that ageism costs society billions of dollars.

WHO has determined that there are three strategies to reduce ageism that have been shown to work:

Policy and law

Policies and laws can be used to reduce ageism towards any age group.

They can include, for example, policies and legislation that address age discrimination and inequality and human rights laws. Strengthening policies and laws against ageism can be achieved by adopting new instruments at the local, national or international level and by modifying existing instruments that permit age discrimination. This strategy requires enforcement mechanisms and monitoring bodies at the national and international levels to ensure effective implementation of the policies and laws addressing discrimination, inequality and human rights.

Educational interventions

Educational interventions to reduce ageism should be included across all levels and types of education, from primary school to university, and informal and non-formal educational contexts.

Educational activities help enhance empathy, dispel misconceptions about different age groups and reduce prejudice and discrimination by providing accurate information and counter-stereotypical examples.

Intergenerational contact interventions

Investments should also be made in intergenerational contact interventions, which aim to foster interaction between people of different generations.

Such contact can reduce intergroup prejudice and stereotypes. Intergenerational contact interventions are among the most effective interventions to reduce ageism against older people, and they also show promise for reducing ageism against younger people.

Things Grandpa tried to teach me:

 Things Grandpa tried to teach me:

1) Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

2)A yellow jacket is faster than a John Deere tractor.

3) Words that soak into your ear are whispered, not yelled.

4) Meanness doesn't happen overnight.

5) Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

6) Don't corner something meaner than you.

7) The best sermons are lived, not preached.

8) Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

9) Don't squat with your spurs on.

10) Don't judge people by their relatives.

11) Don’t interfere with things that are not bothering you.

12) Letting’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it in

13) You can't tell how good a man is or a watermelon is till they are thumped

14) Always drink upstream from the heard

15) Never miss a good chance to shut up

 My Grandpa lived in a different time and in a different world. He was a farmer who lived in rural Saskatchewan, and he did not like the cities and never visited them. As you can see some of what he told me I could never use, but the thought was there. I have put in bold those ideas that I think are important, not only to farmers but to the rest of us as well.

 As we move on in life, we may decide to teach our grandchildren, grand nieces and nephews our views on life. What we need to remember is that they live in a different world than we did and advice that we give has been learned as we became successful in our world. Our advice, no matter how meaningful it is to us, may not be relevant to our grandchildren. Their world is different, and they may have to learn life’s lessons the way we did, by trial and error. Nothing wrong with that.

Grave Conderns 2

 Plant Flowers on the Grave

Cemetery superstitions said that if the deceased had lived a good life, flowers would bloom on their grave. But if they had been evil, only weeds would grow.

It is still common today to plant flowers on graves, particularly on Memorial Day or Armistice Day.

Cover the Mirrors

Another common superstition was the belief that the spirits of the deceased could enter the mirrors, which served as portals to the “other side”.

So as soon as someone passed away, family members rushed around covering the mirrors with blankets or cloths.

If it was decided that the mirrors did not get covered soon enough, and the deceased’s spirit was stuck in the mirror, breaking it would release them.

Graveside Picnic

During the Victorian era, it was common for people who lived in London, Paris, New York, or any large city to take a daytrip to large park-like cemeteries in the countryside.

Funerals were often an all-day affair, so mourners brought along a picnic lunch. They packed dainty ham sandwiches, little lemon cakes, and tea in a basket to be eaten on blankets on the grass. This gave them leisurely time to reminisce about their departed loved ones and ancestors buried there.

Some undertakers even rented “picnic wagonettes” and helped to plan “pleasure parties” at the cemetery.

But they had to be careful about where they set up their event. It was considered bad luck to sit or walk on someone’s grave.

Funeral Biscuits

You may have been invited to a meal after a funeral. It’s a common custom. But where did that tradition start?

During the Victorian era, a funeral mass or memorial service was often held at a local church or in the home of the deceased. Bread and wine were shared, following the Christian practice of partaking of the last supper, sacrament, or communion in remembrance of Christ dying for the sins of mankind.

A superstition sprung up that the guests themselves were taking upon them the sins of the deceased to allow their departed loved one to pass straight into heaven, sin-free. This practice was known as “sin-eating”.

Taking on someone else’s sins was a rough business, so people started to hire someone to do the deed. In England and Wales, funeral sin-eaters were generally community outcasts who were paid sixpence for their services.

Funeral biscuits were also wrapped in white paper and sealed with black sealing wax and given to departing guests to take home to those who could not attend.

Following up to four days of visitations at the home, the burial occurred, and then a meal was served to close family and friends. Pork pie, a large wheel of cheese, and fruit cake might be on the menu.

Funeral Processions

Funeral processions used to consist of walking from the home to the church, trailing behind those who carried the coffin. The deceased was then buried in the churchyard.

This was often done at night, with each person carrying a candle or lantern to light the way.

Even horse-drawn hearses had lanterns on them to light the way, as in the photo above.

Small magnetic flags are placed on the hood of each car and headlights are turned on so others in the community will recognize the slow-moving convoy as a funeral procession and give them due respect.

Other travellers are expected to wait for the funeral procession to pass uninterrupted. This evolved from the superstition that anyone who interfered with the deceased going to the grave would attract the wrath of evil spirits.