Anagrams

Thanks to Doug and Christopher for these

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS :

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS :

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS ! NO MORE  Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT :

When you rearrange the letters:

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

Funny Retirement Quotes

The following quotes are from The Joy of being Retired Webpage, which is part of a wonderful and funny look at retirement by Ernie Zelinski. I  recommend his books to you. Here are some links to follow-up if you like the humour in the quotes below

The subtitle, " Retirement wisdom that you won't get from your financial advisor," hits the nail on the head. This book takes a free-spirited view of retirement, and it can be infectious.  Zelinski not only encourages you to adopt a fresh outlook, but helps you do so in specific,  concrete ways. His apporach is informative, fun, and sometimes astonishing. - from Retirement Works Book Reviews writing about Ernie Zelinski’s How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free

Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.— Charles Baxter in the The Feast of Love

Viva la retirement, grab it by the horns and go for it.
— Cheryl Marland at the Retirement Blog But What Now

Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over.— Author Unknown

The money is no better in retirement but the hours are!
— Author Unknown

Happiness is being retired and spending all of my kids' inheritance before I die!
— Anon

Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does.
— Author Unknown 

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.
— Patty Doyle

He or she who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement.
— Unknown wise person

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
— Gene Perret

My only [retirement] advice is to lay off alcohol, tobacco, and wild women. Any can kill you.
— James Biggs (104-year-old resident in a Dallas retirement-community)

 

If you won the lottery

I am getting sick of the commercials that show a group of either men or women in exotic locales talking about winning the lottery. I think this may be more of a truthful depiction for many people:

A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

How some non boomers see my generation

The following is taken from All About Baby Boomers  © Wings Of Success (My thoughts in italics)

The ideals of this generation created The Boomer’s Six Commandment. These “rules” defined what the baby boomer generation was about and how they lived. Most of those born during this era followed these ideals, but not all. Every generation is defined by the circumstances and experiences they have to deal with. Think about everything that happened in those years: Vietnam War, Civil Right Movement and the Energy Crisis (Birth Control,  rock and roll music, the fall of Russia).

Be trendy and hip. Some think a major problem with the baby boomers is not being able to grow up. This is seen in a variety of ways. There are those who try to reverse the aging problem, which will never put plastic surgeons out of business. Baby boomers sometimes get frozen in their own era, dressing and acting like they have for 20 years. However, there are other baby boomers that move on with the fashion times, wearing and exemplifying what it means to be cool. (This is a jaded view, we are not frozen in our own era but we will not fall into fashion when what we are wearing makes us look silly, but maybe we are wearing these clothes to make fun of ourselves)

Being relevant is important, so accept the changes. Everything moves on and even the baby boomers couldn’t keep the culture stagnant. They learned wisely that it is more lmportant to accept the culture that is changing around them rather than fight it. This can be
seen through many different ideals of the baby boomers.(Change is always good and should be celebrated and we never tried to keep our culture stagnant, but those who study us think we do)

Be an individual. There were so many children born in that time period that it is easy to

lump everyone into one category. However, the baby boomers won’t allow that. Being an

individual is just as important as supporting the greater good. The baby boomers lived Through a time of enormous change and have created radical movements that have transformed this country. (Because there was so many of us, being an individual became and still is important to all of us as it should be to every generation.)

    Create a new history. What happened in the past doesn't seem to matter to baby boomers. Everything they did was done for the first time, at least that is what they all want you to believe. Baby boomers view their generation as a milestone creator leaving no room for any previous generation to have a significant importance. Occasions that happened in the past are just that – history – and have no place their lives. (So we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past by this assessment. Every generation does new things for the first time, that is how humans advance and learn. Boomers may appear to be larger than life to some because there are so many of us, we do however study and learn from the past so we will not repeat the mistakes of previous generations, but when we make mistakes we make them big)

Don’t be a sell out. If you become a sell out, you will lose your baby boomer card. Just because they are living the American dream as white, middle-class folks doesn't mean that is what they feel deep down in their heart. They will always be revolutionaries who are willing to change a generation at the drop of a hat. (We never were revolutionaries willing to change at the drop of a hat, we were, however  willing to embrace change, if that change made the world a better place--at this point in our journey many of have forgotten this concept but we are slowly awaking to the fact that there are those who are trying to turn back the clock, and we will not allow this to happen)

Always question authority. Baby boomers had a difficult time of trusting anyone older

than them. It meant they wouldn't listen to cops, priests or their parents. This was the care-free  generation who couldn't trust anyone, just each other. Baby boomers didn't follow the rules, they made the rules. They weren't going to be told how to live their lives. (As we move into retirement our leaders--many of whom are younger than us have to remember this is still true we still believe because of our sheer numbers that we make the rules and now many of us do not trust those younger than us :-)

A.A.A.D.D.

First posted at Northern Insights on April 19, 2012

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder: Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....

Oh I almost forgott--Thanks to Chris for this

Bob Hope

 Great lines from Bob Hope


ON TURNING 70 'I still chase women, but only  downhill'.

ON TURNING 80  'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100

'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR  'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.

ON GOLF 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS 'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,

Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS  'That's how I learned to dance.  Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the =stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'

Give me a sense of humour;

Lord, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humour out of life. Thanks to Douglas and Christopher for these memories

Seniors vs Boomers

 The following is from http://www.americanretiredseniors.com/inspiration-and-humor/yes-i-am-a-senior-citizen/  with my notes in italics


Senior citizens and Boomers are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.(We can agree Boomers and seniors both take responsibility for all we have done)


HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was the Boomers  not the senior citizens who took

• The melody out of music
• The pride out of appearance
• The courtesy out of driving
• The romance out of love
• The commitment out of marriage
• The responsibility out of parenthood
• The togetherness out of the family
• The learning out of education
• The service out of patriotism
• The Golden Rule from rulers
• The refinement out of language
• The dedication out of employment
• The prudence out of spending
• The ambition out of achievement or
• Christ out of Christianity

The list above helps define the difference between Boomers and Seniors, in that Boomers believe  that:

The melody is still in our music, (listen to Yesterday or Imagine or Fire and Rain or  Counry Roads to name a few)

We still take pride in our appearance, (From Botox to designer jeans, the Baby Boomers seem ready, willing, and able to take advantage of products that will allow them to hold onto their identities for as long as possible)

Courtesy is still possible when driving, (We are not in that much of a hurry anymore so we yield to the young who are still in a hurry to get from point A to point B )

Romance and love are strong, (Many of us are single, but look at the dating sites for Boomers and there are hundreds of them, so we are still looking for the romance of love we felt when we were young)

The commitment out of marriage, ( I have many Boomer friends who are still with their significant other after 30 or 40 years)

We hold the responsibility of parenthood as paramount in our life--(look to the number of boomers who have children who have returned home in this recession)

Togetherness is still part of the family, (Our children, grandchildren and siblings may be separated by geography, so we take to email, twitter, facebook and other social networks to stay in touch in large numbers-According to the latest research, the Baby Boomers using social media has increased enormously in 2010

learning is done through education, (Boomers continue to learn and colleges and universities are being encouraged to adapt to the growing number of Boomers who are going back to school)

The service out of patriotism, (As boomers retire they continue to volunteer and engage others who are in need and we continue to value and support our country if it is doing the just and right things, if our country is not doing the right and just things as patriots we must take steps to correct the path the country is taking)

The dedication out of employment, (Boomers believe in working hard, but we do not believe the corporation or others will take care of us, we have to take care of ourselves which means that we are dedicated employees but we continue to put ourselves and our families first, not the corporation or employer first)

spending is important to keep the economy afloat

achievement and ambition are important but that both need to be weighed against family values.

Christ is still in Christianity but that organized religion is not for us (Close to half of all Baby Boomers have dumped their affiliations with organized religion.)

And we still believe that patience, tolerance, or that ‘all men are created equal’ and ‘liberty and justice for all’ from families, personal relationships and interactions with others is important!

We do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country; all races, all creeds, and all immigrants for which we all are.

Both Seniors and Boomers support Social Security and Medicare in our golden years.
YES, I’M A BOOMER !

• I’m the life of the party
• I’m smiling all the time not because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying but because I believe life is great.
• I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

And both Boomer and Seniors

• are having the time of their life!

Spread the laughter, share the cheer; let’s be happy while we’re here!

Just in time for summer

A great idea, long time coming, thanks to Doug for this (I wish I had thought of this. Maybe I could start a retired husband daycare--any takers?)

Prayer for Grandpa

Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on

grandpa's computer. Amen.

A spring snow joke

I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern Minnesota, near the Canadian border. She said that, since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist-high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near-gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

When will it stop?!

An oldie but a goodie

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If Allah had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.' White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President - It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

Baby Boomer HIts

This is a post from  2008, and I thought it was funny

I found this on Shabby Pink Scrapper a site that doesn't have much to do with boomers. I know, I know, they're a little corny, but funny nonetheless. If you can think of more, send 'em along.

Baby Boomer Song Titles
It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:
Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now!
Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Abba --- Denture Queen!
Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore!
Leslie Gore --- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To!
And my favorite: Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again