Two years ago I started blogging about things that interest me and my how time flys, I am still enjoying the challenge of finding the time to write everyday, but there is no shortage of things to talk about. One of the most interesting challenges I find is dealing with the concept of change.
How is it for you when something changes in your life suddenly and unexpectedly? A death of a dear one; change in the status of a personal relationship; a shift in your work life? Many of us attempt to go with the flow before we are overwhelmed by the situation. So how do you go with the flow? Many of you have your own approaches that work for you. These work for me most of the time.
Realize that you cannot control everything. I think we all know this at some level, but the way we think and act and feel many times contradicts this basic truth. Even if we like to think we can we cannot even control everything within our own sphere of influence — we can try to influence things, but many things are simply out of our control. We think we can control our morning routine, but there will be things that happen from time to time (someone’s sick, accident happens, phone call comes at 5 a.m. that disrupts things, etc.) that will take you out of our routine. We cannot control everything and the first step to managing change is to accept that things will happen Not might happen, but will. There are things that we cannot control that will affect every aspect of our lives, and we must must must accept that, or we will constantly be frustrated. Think about this for a time..
Become aware. This is extremely important. We cannot change things in ourselves if we not aware of them. One way to start down this road is to become an observer of own thoughts, a self-examiner. Be aware that if you are becoming upset, you can do something about it. It helps to keep tally marks in a little notebook for a week — every time you get upset, put a little tally and after a week, you will be more aware.
Breathe. When you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a deep breath. Take a few. This important step allows you to calm down and do the rest of the things on this list. Practice this by itself and you will have come a long way already.
How is it for you when something changes in your life suddenly and unexpectedly? A death of a dear one; change in the status of a personal relationship; a shift in your work life? Many of us attempt to go with the flow before we are overwhelmed by the situation. So how do you go with the flow? Many of you have your own approaches that work for you. These work for me most of the time.
Realize that you cannot control everything. I think we all know this at some level, but the way we think and act and feel many times contradicts this basic truth. Even if we like to think we can we cannot even control everything within our own sphere of influence — we can try to influence things, but many things are simply out of our control. We think we can control our morning routine, but there will be things that happen from time to time (someone’s sick, accident happens, phone call comes at 5 a.m. that disrupts things, etc.) that will take you out of our routine. We cannot control everything and the first step to managing change is to accept that things will happen Not might happen, but will. There are things that we cannot control that will affect every aspect of our lives, and we must must must accept that, or we will constantly be frustrated. Think about this for a time..
Become aware. This is extremely important. We cannot change things in ourselves if we not aware of them. One way to start down this road is to become an observer of own thoughts, a self-examiner. Be aware that if you are becoming upset, you can do something about it. It helps to keep tally marks in a little notebook for a week — every time you get upset, put a little tally and after a week, you will be more aware.
Breathe. When you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take a deep breath. Take a few. This important step allows you to calm down and do the rest of the things on this list. Practice this by itself and you will have come a long way already.
Pause. When you pause, you create space. Space to breathe, to think, to be without acting; the pause is the answer to so many of our problems. To develop the pause, notice your next urge. Is it an urge to go check something online? Or eat something you know is not healthy for you? Pay attention to the urge; learn as much as you can about it. If you act on it after the pause, that is OK. Just notice it, and pause, and pay attention.
Get perspective. This always helps. You know how when you are watching a movie, the camera zooms away, and you can see much more of the world on the screen than you could before? How it goes from close-up to a larger, panoramic view of things? That is what you want to happen your mind’s eye. Start to zoom away, until you are far away from things. Whatever happened does not seem so important. A week from now, a year from now, this little incident will not matter at all. No one will care, not even you. So why get upset about it? Just let it go, and soon it will not be a big deal. Change is happening exponentially and so the future, while always full of surprises, is always different from what we think it will be and is completely un-knowable to us right now so we do need prespective.
Practice. It is important to realize that, just like when you learn any skill, you probably will not be good at this at first. Who is good when they are first learning to write, read, or drive? No one I know. Skills come with practice. Therefore, when you first learn to go with the flow, you will mess up. You will stumble and fall. That is OK — it is part of the process. Just keep practicing, and you will get the hang of it.
