Notes from the Universe

Some people believe that  the entirety of living deliberately can be summed up in just three words?

Thoughts become things.

Of course, beliefs are important too, but your thoughts can change what  you believe.

And words are important, they're your thoughts that will become things the soonest.

And taking action is absolutely critical, because more than anything else, it creates expectation.

Spread the word!

They walk among us

Some  guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get  rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard  and hung a

Sign on it saying: 'Free to good  home. You want it, you take it.'

For three days  the fridge sat there without anyone looking  twice.

He eventually decided that people were  too mistrustful of this deal.

So he changed the  sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The  next day someone stole it!

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I  stopped at Mc Donald’s and ordered some  fries.

The  girl behind the counter said "would you like some  fries with that?"

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*One  day I was walking down the beach with

Some  friends when someone shouted.....

'Look at that  dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and  said...'where?'

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While  looking at a house, my brother asked the

Estate  agent which direction was north because

He  didn't want the sun waking him up every  morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the  north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises  in the east

And has for sometime. She shook her  head and said,

'Oh, I don't keep up with all  that stuff......'

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My  colleague and I were eating our lunch in our  cafeteria,

when we overheard an admin girl  talking about the

sunburn she got on her  weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a  convertible, but said

she 'didn't think she'd  get sunburned

because the car was  moving'.

My  sister has a lifesaving tool in her car

which  is designed to cut through a seat belt

if she  gets trapped. She keeps it in the car  trunk.

They Walk Among  Us!

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I

I  couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage  area and went to the lost luggage office and  reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and  told me not to worry

because she was a trained  professional and

said I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me,

'Has your plane arrived  yet?'...

(I work with professionals like  this.)

They Walk Among  Us!

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While  working at a pizza parlor I observed a  man

ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared  to be alone and the cook asked him if he would  like it cut

into 4 pieces or 6. He thought  about it for some time

then said 'Just cut it  into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry

enough  to eat 6 pieces.

And  last, but not least:

TRUE  STORY:

A  noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an  academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to  appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to  schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a  question with which he was most at  ease.

'Would you mind telling me,  Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental  deficiency in somebody who appears completely  normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied.  'You ask a simple question which anyone should  answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates,  that puts you on the track..'

'What sort  of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you  might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around  the world and died during one of them. Which  one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then  said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen  to have another example would you? I must  confess I don't know much about  history.'

Sadly,   they walk among us!

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

Idle summer thoughts

Thanks to Gayle for these words of wisdom from Dave Berry, a great writer of wit and humour, more of his work here:

1.       Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2.       If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3.       There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4.       People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5.       You should not confuse your career with your life.

6.       Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7.       Never lick a steak knife.

8.       The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9.       You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10.   You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11.   There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12.   The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13.   A person, who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14.   Your friends love you anyway.

15.   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16.   Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Urban Legends Onions

Summer and the living is easy, and sometimes we get lazy about what we know or should now and sometimes we get told stories that are not true and we pass them on, when we should not pass them on, but just delete them. The problem is that in the summer good meaning people post these stories as fact, not realizing that the story is not true.  Below is one such story, I read as it was passed on to me in good faith.  The first hint that the story is an urban legend is that a virus is not a bacteria. http://www.snopes.com/food/tainted/cutonions.asp  is a link to verify the fact the story is not true In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu.. Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died. The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy. Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work.  Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.  Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions: Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia, and, needless to say, I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put it into an empty jar, and place the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs. ..sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better. Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties. This is the other note. Lots of times when we have stomach problems we don't know what to blame. Maybe it's the onions that are to blame. Onions absorb bacteria is the reason they are so good at preventing us from getting colds and flu and is the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion that has been sitting for a time I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist. Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially-made mayo is completely safe. "It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the summer picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table, and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick. Ed says that, when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES. He explained onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator. It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for  trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down. Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions. Please remember it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to cook the next day,it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning. LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS after it has been cut open.