Answers on a school test

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. if you know the bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Caithness school test.

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.

12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony

Some bee jokes

Bob ran out of gas, and a bee flew in his car window ‘are you out of gas, ‘ said the bee.

'Yes' said Bob. ‘Gimme a minute, ‘said the bee, and flew away. Minutes later the bee returned with the entire hive of bees who all flew into his petrol tank. Moments later they emerged. ‘Try it now,’ said a passing bee.

Bob tried and the car started. Bob said ‘wow, what did you put in the tank, ‘  wait for it  wait for it

 

BP

 

What is the only kind of Bees that give milk? Boo-bees!

Then there is the one about the 10 bees flying down the highway. They all need to go to the bathroom. 9 go to the BP station and the 10th one goes to the Esso station. The moral is that in every crowd there is always one Esso Bee (sob)

I ran out of petrol the other day so I went to the filling station and asked the attendant "Cana BP?". I don't know, he replied, but fish can fart I've seen the bubbles.

Do you remember?

 Do you remember learning how to survive a nuclear attack?  We grew up in different times as these some of these skills taught in school show

In grade 1 we learned to count pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, half dollars, dollars

We were encouraged to “eat nicely,” which is a clever way of getting kids to think about dinner etiquette.

I live in a home that backs onto a school and it is not unusual to see parents dropping and picking up their kids from school every day. Back in our day things were very different, you were expected to walk to school and home on your own.

Fathers were away working or looking for work, so we were expected to know our dad's name, not mom's name just dad's. That speaks to the values of the day. This point may reflect a general trend in the ’50s of fathers often being away from home for work. It was seen as traditional for men to work, while women stayed at home to rear the children. Maybe this comparatively small amount of time spent with their dads made it important for kids to make a point of learning their names.

We were expected to know our right hand, not the right and left hand just the right hand. On the surface, this seems quite reasonable, as it’s important for children to learn their right from left. But the fact that the right-hand side was specifically emphasized instead of the other way around may be quite telling.

Because of a long-standing bias, being a leftie has historically been quite problematic for people. Left-handed kids were even sometimes forced to learn how to write with their right hands. Things started to change during the 20th century, but there would’ve still been a hang-up about southpaws during the ’50s.

All through school one of the rituals I remember is showing my hands to the teacher so they could see if my fingernails were clean. Showing children how to stay clean and hygienic is definitely important, but an emphasis on spotless fingernails, in particular, might seem a little strange.

During the height of the Cold War, there was a great deal of anxiety about the possibility of a nuclear attack. So, at the beginning of the 1950s, even schools were preparing their students for such a scenario. Basically, the kids were taught to “duck and cover,” to shelter underneath their desks and brace themselves.

An animated film called Duck and Cover was created to help teach kids about the maneuver. The protagonist was Bert the Turtle, who would take cover from an atomic blast in his shell. The film was a rather easygoing way of getting kids to deal with the grim prospect of nuclear war.

Back in the 1950s, our society held very rigid ideas when it came to questions of gender and gender roles. It was, for instance, widely accepted that men would go to work, while women stayed at home and tended to the household. These old-fashioned attitudes were actively imposed upon the children of the era, too. This attitude was wrong then and has changed over the years, which is great.

During the ’50s, young girls were taught to master skills that tended to revolve around maintaining a household. They were clothed in skirts and dresses, while their behaviour was encouraged to be more placid than that of boys. It was a strict time in terms of what was expected of young ladies.

While young girls of the 1950s were supposed to be gentle and well-behaved, expectations were quite different for boys. Male kids were widely brought up across America to be dominant and confident individuals. In some respects, it might even be said that a certain degree of mischief was permitted in boys.

Boys were often expected to do well at school and to play sports. Their ego was built up and they were given more space than girls to explore the world around them. Essentially, it was an attitude that sought to prepare boys for the world of work that awaited them down the line

In the blink of an eye

In the blink of an eye, another day is gone,

In the blink of an eye, another week is gone.

In the blink of an eye, another month is gone,

In the blink of an eye, another year is gone.

And in the blink of an eye, I'll be gone too,

And not just me but also you.

So maybe we should be wishin' and hopin',

That we could just keep our eyes open.

And see and appreciate all that we can see,

And learn how we can be, the best that we can be,

Before it's too late,

Time flies, so let's not wait.

Whether we have just one life or many, one thing is true,

We should try to enjoy every moment we can; it's the wisest thing to do.

Author Unknown

Thanks to the HR Diary for this