Pain is

Sadness engulfs you, while emotional pain can overwhelm us. If we are in physical pain, there are medications that we can take that allow us to minimize the pain. But many of us who are in emotional pain, do not want to or do not know how to minimize the pain. The pain cannot be denied, physical or emotional pain is real, but many of us will  deny the emotional or physical pain by trying to gloss over it, 
"turn that frown upside down"
"hat doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
"look on the bright side"
"the sun will come out tomorrow"

This is a hard time of year for some and because everyone appears to be in positive spirits, those in pain may convince themselves that you don't want to hear about their struggles. So social media posts are light and funny and serve to mask the pain.

If you are in pain don't try to push through the pain quickly, because that just leads to repressing the pain and that just causes a world of other problems. I want you to feel the pain so that you can learn from and can heal from it. Not just take an aspirin and throw a band-aid on it. I know that there are gifts inside of pain. You just need to allow yourself to feel the pain whenever it naturally comes up.

But there's a danger to this approach.  I know that we can easily fall into the abyss of pain and suffering and allow the "poor me" version of self to take over and run the show.  And when "poor me" takes over then that "melodrama me" isn't far behind. And then things just get really messy!

My challenge to you is to feel the pain when it shows up but remain grounded.  To look past the surface hurt and see what lies beneath. To find the gifts. Ask yourself what is there in me that is really trying to speak right now?  That's the voice you need to hear. That's the gift you have for yourself.

Are you the director?

Have you ever met a person who wants to direct or control all that surrounds them? I worked, many years ago with a boss, who recently died, who wanted to control everything at work and in his leisure time. We were talking about going camping and I said that I love it because of the freedom from time that being in the wilderness gave me. He responded that if he went camping, he would create a time schedule so that every minute of his camping trip was accounted for when he was camping. He was a good boss as long as you never presented him with a surprise. Changes could be made and he would approve them but I had to make sure that every possible issue was looked at and explained in great detail to him. Now I am a big picture thinker and having to worry about details had not been part of my routine. However, working with him for three years made me a better person, because I was able to continue to look at the big picture and I grew to understand how important the details were to make the big dream/picture come to life.

I also realized that there are many people who think it is or would be amazing if they were able to be the director. From time to time I am guilty of trying to be the director. I do this because I expect people to:
behave a certain way and at a certain time.
react to situations in a certain way.
say certain things in certain situations.
send the correct emoji response to my last text.

The issue is that I am not the director and I cannot control what other people say or do in real life and the times that I have tried have been embarrassing for me and for others. The fact is life is not a well-scripted play and there is not a director.

Life is more like improv theatre.  Each of us is totally free to choose to say whatever line we want to say.  To act and react however we wish.  And if that often frustrates your inner director, it is time to let the director in you off the hook and enjoy the improv that life gives to us every day.

Choices

Guess what life is not a game of life or death, it is a game of life and death. The bad news is you and I will never make it through life alive. As we move through life, many of us mistake 'satisfaction for security.  This is a serious error.  Being satisfied can:

· destroy your vitality

· hinder or destroy your ambition.

· let you settle.

· keep you from living life to the fullest.

Once you realize that there is no escape from the end of life and that life is not safe, the realization that there is a lack of safety can open up a reality of choice. In retirement, it is important to rekindle an old passion or find a new passion. We need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Once you step out of your comfort zone, you open yourself up to a world where you can search and find your passion! But opening your heart and your head to the idea of finding passion in your life, may also be frightening. Life at times can be scary and uncomfortable. Remember we are going to make it through to the end and as our journey moves to its inevitable conclusion, we can embrace the discomfort and turn it to our advantage, or we can retreat into ourselves and let the discomfort and unease overwhelm us.  The sages that we sometimes read or listen to have given us these homilies:

It's never too late! (That is, as long as you're still alive.)

You can always make a different choice. Choose to:

• follow your dreams
• aim higher
• play hard
• go big

(you're going 'to die ' in the end anyhow)

All we need to do is find the courage to make different choices.

Growth

As you move into or start thinking of moving into retirement, don't focus on the money. I have talked about how money or the lack of it can influence your lifestyle in retirement. There are plenty of people who can help you look at your financial situation when you retire. There are not many that will ask you to focus on how you will grow as a person when you retire. 

We all need a reason to get up in the morning, and when you first retire, it may be difficult to find that reason. I want you to think about one area of life that brings you the most discomfort. Why you ask? While that area of discomfort that you feel means that you need to grow and learn and become a better person in that area of your life. This area is as you know is an area that you're ripe for growth.

Think about it, you know it true, never fails,