The Joy of Being Grandma and Grandpa

Let's be honest. We (Baby Boomers) have never been great at admitting we are aging. From the moment we arrived on the scene, we had a mission, a vision, and a stubborn refusal to do things the way our parents did. We changed society so thoroughly that life today barely resembles the 1950s, and honestly, thank goodness for that.

But here we are. The first boomers are turning 80, and we are celebrating it. And somehow, miraculously, we still seem to think we are perpetually young. Denial is a powerful thing.

One role we never planned for? Grandparent.

As parents, we were determined to do things differently. More hands-on. More interactive. More "let's be friends" than "because I said so." The results were mixed,  some kids got great listeners, others got parents who never learned to say no, but one thing is clear: family unity mattered. Parenting wasn't just a job.To us, it was a mission.

Now, with the kids grown and the house quieter, we get to redefine what it means to be grandma and grandpa.

That word, grandparent, has always been a hard sell for a generation that spent decades fighting adulthood, let alone old age. But here's the secret: it's actually fantastic.

Children see grandparents differently. Not as rule-enforcers or homework-checkers. As the people who always have cookies, always have time, and always think they're wonderful, even when they're being ridiculous.

Sitting on granddad's lap, hearing his stories, or just enjoying his terrible jokes is the kind of memory that sticks for life. Grandkids don't care if you've slowed down a little. They care if you show up.

There was a book a while back called "If I Knew Being a Grandparent Was This Much Fun; I Would Have Done It First." That about sums it up.

Here's what grandchildren intuitively understand: we know things. Not because we are smarter. Because we have lived longer. We have made mistakes, survived heartbreaks, and figured out what actually matters. And somehow, coming from grandma or grandpa, that wisdom lands differently than from mom or dad.

Parents have to be teachers, disciplinarians, and rule-makers. We just get to be fountains of love with occasional good advice.

So yes, let us embrace the role. Bring the same passion we brought to everything else, the same commitment, the same love of family, the same refusal to sit quietly in a rocking chair. Our grandkids don't need us  to be young. They need us to be present.

And maybe bring cookies. That never hurts.

RIP Ronni Bennett

On October 30, at 6:28 PM local time, Veronica "Ronni" Bennett died. Ronni bravely documented the ageing process, with her Last Great Gift being the documentation of her death. I read those words and tears filled my eyes. I felt I had lost a role model and a mentor. As one of her followers said. “Condolences to her family and friends and all who cared for her. There will be a hole in all our lives that likely will never be filled.”

 For those who do not know Ronni for 16 years has blogged about what it means to grow old in her blog, As Time Goes By, what it is really like to grow old. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer and her blog shifted to writing about her experiences with cancer. As her friend posted on her blog yesterday “Ronni bravely documented the ageing process, with her Last Great Gift being the documentation of her death.”

Her legion of supporters and fans are as upset as I am. I started reading her blog about 10 years ago. At that time there were very few blogs that were talking about growing old. I found her writing to be funny, original, creative, truthful, poignant, straightforward, and enjoyable to read. I will miss her voice, as will the thousands of others who read her work. She was one of a kind. Her courage and her willingness to speak about the path she was walking is an inspiration to all of us.

Her final words should be remembered and will provide hope for all of us who at some point will arrive at the same point in our own lives, where we know we are going to die. Her friend Autumn who posted the notice of Ronnie’s death said “I will leave you with knowing that she was ready. Just before she died, she said, "When you get here, it is really nice. I am not afraid.”

Are you the director?

Have you ever met a person who wants to direct or control all that surrounds them? I worked, many years ago with a boss, who recently died, who wanted to control everything at work and in his leisure time. We were talking about going camping and I said that I love it because of the freedom from time that being in the wilderness gave me. He responded that if he went camping, he would create a time schedule so that every minute of his camping trip was accounted for when he was camping. He was a good boss as long as you never presented him with a surprise. Changes could be made and he would approve them but I had to make sure that every possible issue was looked at and explained in great detail to him. Now I am a big picture thinker and having to worry about details had not been part of my routine. However, working with him for three years made me a better person, because I was able to continue to look at the big picture and I grew to understand how important the details were to make the big dream/picture come to life.

I also realized that there are many people who think it is or would be amazing if they were able to be the director. From time to time I am guilty of trying to be the director. I do this because I expect people to:
behave a certain way and at a certain time.
react to situations in a certain way.
say certain things in certain situations.
send the correct emoji response to my last text.

The issue is that I am not the director and I cannot control what other people say or do in real life and the times that I have tried have been embarrassing for me and for others. The fact is life is not a well-scripted play and there is not a director.

Life is more like improv theatre.  Each of us is totally free to choose to say whatever line we want to say.  To act and react however we wish.  And if that often frustrates your inner director, it is time to let the director in you off the hook and enjoy the improv that life gives to us every day.

Saying Hi

I go for a walk everyday along the banks of the Fraser and the Pitt River, I walk for 6 km, one day, the next I walk 9 km and then I walk11 km and go back to the 6 km walk. I enjoy the walk and seeing the changes that occur along the river. Depending on the time of day, I see many other people out, walking their dogs, riding bikes, as well as running. Whenever I pass someone, I smile and say hi, or good morning or good afternoon.

What surprises me is the response, some people say high back, others nod, look surprised, and some do not give any acknowledgement that I have spoken to them. But 95% of the people do respond and smile back. I contrast this to an adjoining community where I went for a walk along the Burrard inlet, I saw just as many people walking, running and walking their dogs, and I smiled and said hi, to my surprise 95% of the people did not respond at all, and I wondered why. Perhaps there is a difference in the community that makes some people so uptight that they do not acknowledge others.

When I  posed the question to my friends, each of them talked about areas in their own communities where when walking people would not respond or acknowledge you and other areas within a few km, where everyone responded and gave acknowledgement.

I wonder why people loose sight of the idea that when another person says hi to you that person is not out to do you harm, so take the time and when someone says hi, say hi back.

Golf Wisdon ;-)

My thanks to Jim for these:

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.~Grantland

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.~John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.~Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.~ Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.~Sam Snead

7 Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.~William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.~Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.~Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. ~Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.~ Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli


13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.~Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!~Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.~Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.~Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.~Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.~Raymond Willis

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.~Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.~All Us Hackers

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.~George Deukmejian

AND FINALLY................

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.~Lee Trevino

Feelings

Buddhist thought for the day: Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth. - Sutta Nipata ...Meaningful words but many of us don't know how to let their love flow through the universe, we are too busy thinking or holding on to feelings that cause fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on. Some of us believe everything happens for a purpose so how do we learn from and heal these painful feelings.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."  So why do we sometimes give others permission to make us feel bad? Maybe we think "they" are better than us.  Or more powerful. Or smarter. Or more beautiful! 

Today, I want you to take a look around your life and see if there is anyone from whom you want to reclaim your power to feel ... FANTASTIC!

Small steps, reclaim permission for yourself ( --just for today) to feel good. Give yourself permission to not feel like a victim of others' choices. Give yourself permission to operate from a place of personal power, taking loving care of yourself . Take time to examine the gifts you have been given. Give yourself permission to spend your time in what brings you joy--just for today. Over time you will begin to realize that you know how to fill yourself with love

The more you learn to love yourself and share your love with others, the more your love will flow through the universe. Develop your spiritually  because without a spiritual connection you will not be able to give yourself the permissions that you need to feel GREAT..  I have no structured spiritual belief system, but I imagine an younger wise part of myself . I believe that  truth and loving action were what I had as a young child and I strive everyday to reconnect with that innocence and joy. Some people believe that wisdom comes from the older wiser self, I don't, I believe that the older wiser self has found a way to connect to the innocence of the child. As you give yourself permission to not feel bad, you will gradually grow out of the false beliefs that cause you pain.

Boomers stay in touch with their younger selves, seniors stay in touch with their older wiser self. I like the idea of staying young, not growing old, I'm a Boomer not a Senior