Loneliness at this time of year

 The existentialist philosopher Paul Tillich, said, “Our language… has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.”

I enjoy solitude, not every day but for a few hours or sometimes for a few days. Periods of solitude help me focus and clear my mind. I know some people who get lonely, and when they do they become sad. This is a special time of the year for those who enjoy people. But it is also a lonely time of the year for those who feel cut off from friends and family. Many people my age have lost friends and family over the years. I know that people can feel just as lonely in a crowd as they can on their own and loneliness can be a terrible burden at this time of year. If you are lonely, do not be ashamed. The key, perhaps, is to not let that feeling take control: Loneliness doesn’t have to last forever, and nor should it.

The following quotes help present a different perspective on loneliness. So, for anyone feeling lonely, read on, and realize that loneliness doesn’t have to last too long.

Loneliness is only an opportunity to cut adrift and find yourself. — Bruce Lee

Many people need desperately to receive this message: “I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.” — Kurt Vonnegut

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being. — Hafiz, Persian poet

Peril, loneliness, an uncertain future, are not oppressive evils, so long as the frame is healthy and the faculties are employed; so long, especially, as Liberty lends us her wings, and Hope guides us by her star. — Charlotte Brontë

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.― Maya Angelou

When I get lonely these days, I think: So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. — Elizabeth Gilbert, author

I tell you loneliness is the thing to master. Courage and fear, love, and death are only parts of it and can easily be ruled afterwards. If I make myself master of my own loneliness there will be peace or safety: and perhaps these are the same. — Martha Gellhorn, writer

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. — Janet Fitch, author

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better. — Henry Rollins

When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone. — Tennessee Williams

Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in when they come. But they’ve got to come. You can’t force them. — D. H. Lawrence

We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community. — Dorothy Day, journalist and social activist

That little-discussed subject — loneliness. That is a great taboo, isn't it? No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life. — Bill Murray

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.  — A.A. Milne, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

Becoming 75

There are many people this year who are turning 75 and there are many who fear turning that age. There are milestone birthdays that we have as we grow. We celebrate our coming of age, which for me was 21 but for younger people today it is 19.  We celebrate birthday milestones by the decade once we hit 30. "Don't trust anyone over 30" was a saying when I was in my 20s'. Once I turned 30, the next milestone to celebrate was turning 40. After 40 and the fear of middle age, 50 loomed on the horizon. Once we hit 50 we look forward to being 60 and for many moving closer to retirement. 

A subtle change in how we celebrate milestone birthdays occurs when we hit 60.  Instead of the next milestone being 70 we have a big celebration at 65. This is, for some the beginning of their retirement. Once we celebrate 70 we celebrate 75, then 80, 85, 90, 95 and 100. As a society, and as individuals we shorten the gap between milestone birthday celebrations. It could be that we are afraid that the person we are celebrating will not make it over the next 10 years so we shorten the time to 5 years. 

This is for all of those who are not yet 75 but hope to make it to this milestone, from a post by Lauren Dalton. Imagine being 75 and you’re sat thinking about your life and how you never went swimming in the sea on a warm night because your thighs jiggled. Imagine realizing you never laughed until you couldn’t breathe because your teeth weren’t straight or white enough. You never embraced the sun on the beach because of the stretch marks on your stomach and your hips. You never allowed yourself to let go and have fun because the pressure to look perfect consumed you.

Imagine being 75 and realizing you’ve hidden away for the fear of being real. Imagine realizing all the years you wasted hating yourself, but now it’s too late to go swim in the sea late at night. Now it hurts to laugh for more than a few seconds and you’re too weak to travel to the beach. Imagine realizing all this time you were perfect the way you were, but now it’s too late to do anything about it.

Don’t let that happen. Live now, as you are. You deserve to realize you’re enough and always have been before you’re 75. By the way, those who have reached 75 like me and my friends know that it is not too late to go swimming in the sea, embrace the sun, or laugh as long as we care to laugh. A person who has not embraced all Lauren points out is too old mentally no matter what age they are physically. Age is a state of mind, not a function of how your body operates. Enjoy life while you can.

Official Launch of the Canadian Coalition Against Ageism

The official launch of the newly-formed Canadian Coalition Against Ageism took place in Toronto in late November. The BC Seniors Advocate is one of the founding members of the Coalition, along with other organizations and experts that are committed to ending ageism. Organizations supporting the initiative include ILC Canada, CNPEA, Help Age Canada, CanAge, the International Federation on Ageing, RTOERO, and the National Pensioners Federation.

The coalition’s goal is to combat ageism, focus on strengthening, protecting and promoting the human rights of older adults and “encourage the Canadian government and the United Nations to support recommendations from the World Health Organization’s Global Report on Ageism”. The event was also an opportunity to connect with the senior's advocates in Newfoundland and New Brunswick to discuss common issues impacting older Canadians.

To read the UN Global Report on Ageism, visit: https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240016866

Kindness continued

 4. There’s a link between kindness and well-being

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that people who regularly receive lots of acts of kindness have higher levels of well-being. But the study also found that people who carry out more kind acts or even just notice that other people are carrying out kind acts also have higher levels of well-being on average. This fits in with lots of previous research showing that acting kindly makes us feel good.

5. Extroverts give and receive more kindness

Personality had a big impact on how often people said they are kind to others, but also on how kind people are to them. A personality scale was included in The Kindness Test and the people who were kindest were more likely to score high on extroversion, and also on agreeableness and openness. People who score high on openness are imaginative and curious and like having new experiences.

Of course, these are averages, so you can be quiet and not keen on new experiences, but still be very kind!

6. People see more acts of kindness at home than anywhere else

When we asked people where kindness takes place, the home came top, followed by medical settings, the workplace, green spaces and shops. The places where people saw the fewest kind acts were online, on public transport and in the street.

The good news was that people generally agreed that kindness was valued at work, especially in social work, healthcare, hospitality and education.

7. Women carry out slightly more kind acts on average and so do people who are religious

Of course, we have to rely on self-reports in this study, so there is a possibility that women and religious people feel that they ought to say that they are kind in order to look good. But plenty of people are prepared to admit they’re not very generous, for example, and previous studies have shown that we are quite good at judging our own levels of kindness. So, I’m inclined to take people at their word.

8. We worry about our offers of kindness being misinterpreted

People were asked what might stop them from being kind and the top reason they gave was that they were afraid their actions might be misinterpreted. People also said that they didn’t have enough time to be as kind as they’d like to be, and half said social media played a part in stopping them from being kinder.

9. People who talk to strangers see and receive more kindness

What’s interesting about this one, is that this difference between those who do and don’t talk to strangers, persisted even when personality was considered. So, it’s not just that extroverts are more likely to be kind and also, because they’re extroverts, more likely to talk to strangers. Whatever personality you have, the more you talk to strangers, then on average the more kindness you receive, but also the more kindness you notice going on around you.

10. Income makes little difference to how kind people are

How much money people earn had zero correlation with overall reports of being kind. But we did also ask people to imagine they had received an unexpected windfall of £850 and how much of it they might give away. While some were honest enough to say none of it, the average amount people said they would give away was £252. People with the lowest incomes tended to say they would give away lower amounts on average, which makes sense because they could least afford to, but interestingly the people with the highest incomes also gave away the least.