11 Most Unhelpful Self-Help Books

I am a big believer in the power of the individual to control his/her life. I understand that for many this is difficult to achieve, because of the paradigms they have chosen to believe. I am not a big fan of the idea that there is a law of positive attraction or the idea that that if we give ourselves to the universe we will benefit. I am also not a big believer in the idea that if we stay positive all of the time we will be rewarded. Life is messy but there is help for those who want to become more self aware and more self confidence. I came across this list from a site for college students called TopOnlineColleges.com   which looks at which books are not useful for those who want to gain more confidence and self awareness. I thought the list was interesting. 

There are some things you just shouldn't teach yourself from a book: open-heart surgery, how to kiss, ways to become less shy. Reading up on these skills wouldn't help you learn and would probably just be embarrassing or dangerous. Self-help books make some readers feel like they can learn to do anything, from fixing their cars to changing their lives, and while there might be dozens of books that really provide useful information, many just aren't helpful. Check out what not to buy before you head to the bookstore to improve yourself.

WINNING LOTTO/LOTTERY FOR EVERYDAY PLAYERS BY PROFESSOR JONES

There are several disturbing aspects of this book. First, it's for the type of human who will not only throw away money on lottery tickets, but also shell out cash for a book on how to win the lottery rather than on making money through hard work. Secondly, the author either doesn't provide a first name or his first name is Professor, neither of which makes him seem very credible. The lottery is random and tested for biases with statistical devices. When you see a well-known statistician or mathematician writing about how to win the lottery, then you might be spending your money well.

MORE JOY: AN ADVANCED GUIDE TO SOLO SEX BY HAROLD LITTEN

This read takes the idea of self help a little too far. A sequel to his first book, The Joy of Solo Sex, More Joy is for the advanced practitioner. The author delves into techniques and taboos, but most of us would probably prefer we leave that kind of information to the imagination. If you do end up buying this book, you'd be better off buying it new than used.

HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU BY GREG BEHRENDT

This famous book (and the terrible movie that followed) isn't full of the worst advice. Some of it's pretty good — but it also gives you the same solutions that all your friends have been offering you for months. If you're the kind of girl that will go out and buy a self-help book to figure out what a guy is thinking, you're probably the kind of girl who has been fixating on this dude and complaining to your friends about him non-stop for weeks. Instead of wasting your money on the book, just listen to the free advice your friends have been giving you: move on.

THE 4-HOUR WORKWEEK BY TIMOTHY FERRISS

Who wouldn't love to quit working the traditional 40-hours-a-week job while still getting rich and doing whatever they wanted? It sounds too good to be true, and it pretty much is. Most readers admit that the first half of the book is motivational, if not a bit boastful on the part of the author, but after that, Ferriss offers very weak ideas to make your laziest dreams come true. He says you should outsource your responsibilities, like research for work and making appointments, to a virtual assistant abroad and then start your own business. Running a business seems like it would be the opposite of slacking off, doesn't it?

365 WAYS TO LIVE HAPPY BY MEERA LESTER

There's something to be said about choosing to be happy each day and finding ways to keep your daily life upbeat, but unless you're recovering from a brain injury, this book won't reveal anything you don't already know. You'll get some of the same inspirational drivel about following your dreams that you've heard throughout your life, but you'll also read some tips for happiness that make it seem like the author just ran out of ideas. "Avoid exposure to toxic chemicals" and "Call the police when you have witnessed a crime" don't seem like bits of advice that are going to change your outlook on life today.

I USED TO MISS HIM…BUT MY AIM IS IMPROVING BY ALISON JAMES

Most books probably coddle you and build you up after a breakup. "You're better off without him." "You're an independent woman." "He's not worth it." This book, though, seems to communicate something else entirely: "You're better off with him in pain." "You're a stalker." "He's worth the time it takes to put a hex on someone." I Used To Miss Him sincerely presents revenge and voodoo dolls as viable options for healing after a breakup. If you take this kind of advice, you're probably going to experience a lot of breakups in your lifetime.

WHO MOVED MY CHEESE? BY SPENCER JOHNSON

People gobbled this book up when it came out in 1998 and for years after. It's written as a goofy parable about some mice and some Thumbelina-sized people who live in a maze and love cheese. The cheese represents basically anything in life that's important to you, and the message is clear and simple: things change so get used to it. Don't waste your time on a book that can be summed up in a fortune cookie.

HOW TO GET OVER THAT BITCH AND GROW BALLS THEY CAN'T RESIST BY CLARK ANTHONY

The advice in this book from a nine-year veteran male escort will make you believe that if this guy (who calls himself the Game Doctor) can publish a book, you can too. It's complete with a middle-school vocabulary and made-up statistics about the author's expertise and relationships. The idea behind the book is that women are vulnerable to masculinity so a man who learns to tame and control women can have whatever he wants. Anyone who reads this, though, should keep in mind that the Game Doctor gleaned this wisdom as he was being paid to go out with women. Those probably aren't the kind of ladies you're after.

DOGSENSE: 99 RELATIONSHIP TIPS FROM YOUR CANINE COMPANION BY CARLA GENENDER AND AMY HILL

Trust us, guys. When it comes to winning over a woman, you shouldn't take lessons from something that drools all over the place, chews on her shoes, and poops under the bed. Man's best friend definitely has some positive qualities, but every problem in a human relationship can't be solved with fierce loyalty and a belly rub. The photos of the dogs are cute enough, but don't expect this book to change your life.

THE SECRET BY RHONDA BYRNE

Of course everyone wants to be in on a secret, especially when that secret promises to ensure you wealth, health, and whatever your heart desires. The problem with this one is that it's a bunch of New Age mumbo-jumbo — some people really believe in it, while most of the population rolls their eyes. The book is based on the Law of Attraction: positive thoughts attract positive outcomes while negative thoughts attract negative outcomes. The author pushes it as far as to say that poverty and disasters are the results of negativity. Science has proven that staying upbeat has health and life benefits, but it hasn't quite found that guaranteed link between positivity and everything you've ever wanted.

101 WAYS TO TELL YOUR SWEETHEART "I LOVE YOU" BY VICKI LANSKY

There's no shame in wanting to spice things up or remind your loved one why they're special to you. The best way to do this, though, probably isn't through these 101 tips that sound like they were written by a lovesick teenage girl. Some of the ideas are nice romantic gestures, but you can tell the author started to run out of material. For example, one of the suggestions is "Shampoo your loved one's hair. Ummmm. And use a hairbrush to groom long hair." Another: "Write the word love using a 'heart' where the letter O goes. You can also dot your 'i's using a 'heart.'" This works best if you're trying to woo an eighth grader.

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth it. It shouldn't always be within the confines of an office building, or maybe in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

I’d like to share with you some 10 of my favorite quotes on improving yourself. Hope you find them useful!

 10 Inspirational Self-Improvement Quotes

1. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." It sounds good to me, I mean the practicality of all things does involve money but it doesn't have to take an arm and a leg to get it.
2. "I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government." 'Enough said.
3. "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" This happens to be one of the classic ones. I mean the issue about life's little problems isn't all that bad, until 'he' shows up. Sure, relationships can get complicated, or does have its complications that probably any author about relationships is bound to discover it soon. We follow what our heart desires, unless you're talking about the heart as in the heart that pump blood throughout your body.
4. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions." And if you want more, just keep on asking!
5. "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'." It sounds, 'practical', I think. And when it comes to everyday life, he really knows how to make the best out of every possible scenario, and it doesn't involve a lawsuit if he strikes a nerve.

Perfume

I walk every day for exercise and to help me relax and unwind from the days events as many other people do. On my walks I run across many different people all out enjoying the fresh air, the company and the scenery. Something has been bugging me and I thought I would get it off my chest.It is the issue of Perfume.

First let me say this, usually perfume does not bother me too much, like most men my age I have my likes and dislikes about the perfume women wear, but my preference (as is most of my male friends) is the less perfume the better. However, I have noticed that many of the women who are out walking are wearing a lot of perfume. A few days ago, when I was walking a young (by the way, my definition of young is any person under the age of 60) woman walked toward me and as we passed, I took a breath, and the perfume she was wearing overwhelmed me. I had to walk about 20 meters before the scent went away. A bit later another two women passed me and the scent of their perfume stayed with me for about 10 meters.

Ladies, please reduce the amount of perfume you wear when you are out and about. I don't have any allergies, but many people do and I agree with the idea of scent free environments.

Smiling is powerful

Everyday kindnesses are those little thoughtful acts that we all know we should do, but sometimes we just can’t be bothered. Maybe it seems like too much trouble to help your neighbor carry in her groceries or to stop along the freeway to help someone change a tire. The opportunity to help this person will never come again, and you are there for a reason, so go beyond your comfort zone, at least once each day and do something for someone else, just for the heck of it, with no expectations, no desire to be appreciated, and no money to be gained on your part.

Another super easy kindness we can all do every single day is smile at the people we see, including our own families. Studies have shown the power of a smile to be far greater than previously thought. A genuine heartfelt smile has even saved a life or two. Your smile contains unique significance for you and for others and your smile also carries the energy for transformation, Have you changed someone's life today through your smile?

Communications and Romance

Romance. Can it be discussed? It has to be experienced, doesn’t it? Nevertheless, let us talk of romance, because we cannot avoid discussion about it. Let those in love, decide how correct is the below discussion on communication in romance. Romancing is not a science, but an art. When you talk to your beloved, you talk not only with your words, but with your eyes and your body


Everything takes part in communication with your sweetheart. How does one talk to one's beloved? How do we expect them to talk? They both want to share everything in each other's life. They share their dreams, they share their agonies and pains, and they share their goals and failures. They share everything, because they are two bodies, but one heart.

Romance has its own flavour, a different flavour. Romance is a different emotion compared to all other emotions. It is much different compared to emotions such as anger etc. They are all negative, but romance is a positive emotion or feeling. In romance, one ignores every fault of his/her sweetheart and only finds everything good and glorifies it. In love, the afternoon sun is as beautiful as the sunset. Such is the wonder of romance that it changes a person totally.

Coming back to communication, how does one do it in romance? Does one convey love every single day? Does one talk only of love and nothing else. Otherwise it may kill the romantic mood! Does one only dream of good things and avoid every talk of anything negative? What and how does one communicate while romancing? Yes, it is true that most of the romantic lovers talk only of positive things and avoid everything negative. It is also true that talk is mostly about love, because they are romancing. Isn't it? It is true that the couples dream of great things and avoid contemplating any negatives.

Romance is different. In romancing, there is no place for anything that may kill the mood. Romance means talking of moon, and not the sun. However, you can talk of sunsets. Romance does not think about the fate of fallen flowers, but only admires the beauty of flowers smiling on the branch. Romance is different and it is great. The world already has innumerable problems, and romance is much needed to create a positive atmosphere. Romance is a dream.

how to be happy

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – “How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?” Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

Loving means accepting.  To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life like it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

Think about this every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, by helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, helping others trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the CFL. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best.

Every one has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success.

So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self  “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”.

Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Because then you don’t just become happy… you become free. For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Feelings

Buddhist thought for the day: Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth. - Sutta Nipata ...Meaningful words but many of us don't know how to let their love flow through the universe, we are too busy thinking or holding on to feelings that cause fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on. Some of us believe everything happens for a purpose so how do we learn from and heal these painful feelings.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."  So why do we sometimes give others permission to make us feel bad? Maybe we think "they" are better than us.  Or more powerful. Or smarter. Or more beautiful! 

Today, I want you to take a look around your life and see if there is anyone from whom you want to reclaim your power to feel ... FANTASTIC!

Small steps, reclaim permission for yourself ( --just for today) to feel good. Give yourself permission to not feel like a victim of others' choices. Give yourself permission to operate from a place of personal power, taking loving care of yourself . Take time to examine the gifts you have been given. Give yourself permission to spend your time in what brings you joy--just for today. Over time you will begin to realize that you know how to fill yourself with love

The more you learn to love yourself and share your love with others, the more your love will flow through the universe. Develop your spiritually  because without a spiritual connection you will not be able to give yourself the permissions that you need to feel GREAT..  I have no structured spiritual belief system, but I imagine an younger wise part of myself . I believe that  truth and loving action were what I had as a young child and I strive everyday to reconnect with that innocence and joy. Some people believe that wisdom comes from the older wiser self, I don't, I believe that the older wiser self has found a way to connect to the innocence of the child. As you give yourself permission to not feel bad, you will gradually grow out of the false beliefs that cause you pain.

Boomers stay in touch with their younger selves, seniors stay in touch with their older wiser self. I like the idea of staying young, not growing old, I'm a Boomer not a Senior