Farewell John

We are at an age when death becomes a familiar part of life. I met John in 1984 when we started working together and he and I hit it off fast. John was a talented photographer with a great sense of humour and a love of life. We worked together for five years and then John moved on to a new situation, but we kept in touch. We remained good friends until last weekend when John passed away. John was about a year older than me and he took care of himself. He never worked out, but he sailed, played a terrible game of golf, walked and cared for himself.

When John was in his mid 60's we started to notice that he would forget things, and at times would be confused. Not until he was diagnosed with Alzheimers did we realize that he was sick. John went on medical leave at 63 and at 65 retired. His condition became worse, but he never appeared to be upset with his situation and he may have forgotten who his friends were, but when we came to visit or take him out for a game of golf, he had fun. He used to ask me if he and I knew each other, and I always replied, yes we are friends. He wold then say, well if you and I are friends, you must be a good person.

Johns family kept him at home for as long as they could, but about a three months ago they put John in a facility where he could get the kind of care he needed. Unfortunately John appeared to have given up the fight and he stopped eating. Last weekend John caught a fever and passed Sunday night.

John I will miss you, your sense of life, your humour and your kindness. Rest in Peace.

Death Sucks

Death is part of living, and as we get older we start to face the fact that we will die. But when death comes it causes great hardship for the people left behind. Also when death comes a lifetime of experiences, education, wisdom, relationships and consciousness forever vanishes in a split second.

As we look around the world, tensions are high, famine is with us, war is with us, and we see on the news of the death of hundreds and thousands of people. We tend to become more desensitized to such horrors as the numbers mount. Maybe they seem too distant and abstract. Local, current individual tragedies impact us harder, especially when they strike close to home.

People don't seem to consider those same losses as 100,000 "old" people expire every 24 hours. 37 million deaths from aging every year is a big number. Too big for most to be sensitized to it. Too remote unless it's a loved one. And too "natural" to even think of doing anything about it. When I read of a notable person's death, it's more than passing news or a "too bad" reaction to me. It's a never-ending reminder to eliminate life's closing chapter once and for all.

There have been some recent discussions in the life extension community of other reasons behind the lack of funding for research. Most agree that once about 10% of the population understands the possibilities of ending aging as we know it, then we would have reached the tipping point that will trigger the funding needed to finish the job. If we all do just a bit to educate our circles of friends and associates, we'll reach that 10% sooner rather than later.

Prank phone calls

Every country has a different view of practical jokes and pranks. This was made clear when we were in Australia. A couple of young radio personalities made in part of their show to make prank calls as practical jokes to celebrities, politicians, and regular folk. They had an early morning show and it was well loved in Sydney. When the Duchess of Cambridge was hospitalized for severe morning sickness, the presenters made a prank call to the Hospital. 

The radio prank, which was pre-recorded and vetted by lawyers from the radio station before it was broadcast, was picked up by media worldwide and was acutely embarrassing for the hospital. One of the results of the prank call was that the London nurse who answered the prank call was found dead after getting tricked in the prank call by the Australian deejays who successfully pried information about mom-to-be Kate Middleton's hospital stay. 

The British press went on the attack blaming the presenters for the suicide and wanted the presenters fired or put on trial, the Australian press and the public were more cautious and I would say supportive of the two presenters. 

The two hosts, made tearful public apologies on television, have been taken off air, and are receiving counselling. One of the presenters said: “There's not a minute that goes by where we don't think about her family and what they must be going through, and the thought we may have played a part in that is gut–wrenching.

The death was tragic for the family, and friends of the victim as well as for the presenters. The resulting press furore  showed the difference in attitude between the two countries about practical jokes and prank phone calls. Prank calls are or have been a staple of some radio stations in Australia for years and are well received by the public and people who get pranked after their initial embarrassment move on with their lives. In England, I suspect that prank calls are not part of the culture and the outcry supports that idea. In Canada, shows like This hour has 22 minutes provide an opportunity to poke fun at our politicians and others. I found the difference in culture interesting and enlightening.

Top five regrets of the dying

 An interesting story from the Guardian.

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

A follow up post to Let the Band play On

The following was posted by one of Bob's students along with the post there was a link to a story in the local paper. Thanks to Wayne for sharing.

There will be a tribute concert  for Bob LaBonte, which will take place Oct. 24 at Frank Hurt Secondary (77 Avenue and 139 Street). Doors open at 6 pm., concert starts at 7 pm.

This man will truly be missed. Bob LaBonte was my band teacher 1974-1976. He had us at West Whalley as his first full time class right out of University, poor guy!!!!! Bob was an amazing educator and always had time for his students whether during school hours or after. Todays teachers could take a lesson. My award in Grade 10 as "Most Outstanding Musician", in the Stage Band had more to do with Bobs talent as a music teacher than my musical talent. I took his class in grade 9 because there was no room left in any other electives except electricity. I had some music in the past but had never played the trumpet. I went from a beginner to playing in the Stage band by the middle of the first year. Thank you Bob. The article echos many of my sentiments. RIP Mr. LaBonte, wherever you are I hope you're Jamming!!


For the story Wayne is talking about go here:  http://www.surreyleader.com/news/174800921.html

Let the Band play on.

A friend of mine died suddenly the other day with his family while on holiday in Texas. Bob and I first worked together back in the 70’s when he started teaching Band and Choir at the Inner City school that we both worked at when he started teaching. 

 Bob and I had gone to high school together, (he was three years behind me, but I knew him through my brothers). Bob was full of life and love for music; it was in his soul. Bob build up the band program at the school, working long hours, taking kids on band trips that became legendary (if not among the students, among the people who travelled with him). 

Bob left that school a few years after I did leaving behind a legacy that lives on today for his students as evidenced by these facebook comment from some of his students from his time with me at Whalley:

RIP Mr. Bob LaBonte, you will be missed! I remember the late 70's and the  rough kids we were in Whalley, and how much even then we respected and  loved you. You were a special kind of teacher and person!

So sad to hear...he was my favourite teacher is all of West Whalley. He alway seemed to respect and understand us. I will always remember our band trips. RIP Mr. LaBonte.

Bob moved on to other schools, built wonderful band, and choir programs, and he was always looking for a challenge. When he retired a couple of years ago,  like me he became bored wit retirement and was quickly re-hired by the district and ended up teaching on a temporary contract at Frank Hurt (an Inner city school in Central Surrey). During his first year at Frank Hurt,(two years ago),  he started to build the Band program back up, by his second year it was in full swing, and Bob was hired on a continuing contract to continue his work at the school

His second year was this last school year and I was lucky enough to work with him again. Bob rarely took lunch as he would rather take the time to work with students who wanted extra practice time. When he did take lunch, he and I would talk about the Band program, old times, old friends, his family and how he was looking forward to next year. 

He was very excited that he had expanded the program and he had a lot of grade 8’s coming into the program. We talked about his upcoming trip where he was going to go to Texas, then New Orleans and other areas where he could relax and enjoy the music. We heard today that he had died in Texas, in his sleep. 

His death is such a loss to his family, his friends and to all of the people that he touched. Music was in his soul and my sympathy goes to his wife and children. Bob LaBonte, rest in peace, you will be missed!