Five lessons about the way we treat people

 2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.  A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and

put her into a taxicab.  She seemed to be in a big hurry but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached.

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes but also my spirits.  Then you came along.   Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God Bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Legacy

My friends and I were talking about life and the fact we were nearer the end than the beginning. One of the things we talked about was our "legacy. As with many of our discussions, we had many different opinions about what "legacy" even involved.

For one or two of us, it was about what knowledge, insights, and values you passed on to your friends and family. For others, it was about the material things you left for others. One friend mentioned the impact your life may have had on others.

What I thought was interesting was when the term first came up in discussion, many of us thought of the term 'legacy' as one frequently used by organizational fundraisers seeking money for endowments.

We quickly moved on from that idea, but I thought the advertising is working. One of my friends suggested that legacy can mean anything you are passing along (photos and records) from your own or your family's history.

I made the observation that many youngsters don't seem to want treasured household goods (or cars) these days. Everyone agreed that was an issue, but no one had figured out a way to solve this problem. As boomers many of us were collectors and now we have these, what we think, are wonderful collections, that very few of our family values or want to have today.

One of the best ideas that came out of the discussion was the idea of creating a Life Storybook might be a good example of a family legacy, and the group agrees that carrying your memory on through the years by whatever means is the broadest definition.

Confused about a decision?

Confusion, indecision, and uncertainty, often mean that if you wait a little longer before deciding, an even better option will emerge, with such clarity it may bite you on the nose and sweep you off your feet. So why not wait a bit longer?

Peace and blue jeans,

Eternity is a really, really, really long time 
So as you hurry through our short time here
Don't worry about squeezing everything in
Focus on people, relationships and love
Others will work on being able to squeeze everything in. 

Relax. 

Peace and blue jeans,

Imagination

I found it difficult to imagine what gifts I should buy for my grandson for his birthday and for Christmas. Buying for a four year old is difficult if you have been away from young children for a long time. I was thinking of what I could do to help him stimulate his imagination. Imagination is for me one of the keys for creativity and the world needs creative and imaginative people who have confidence and the ability to follow through with their dreams.

Imagination, is the ability to form new images and sensations that are not perceived through sight, hearing, or other senses and small children have this ability more than some adults, and rather than discourage we need to encourage this form of play.

Most experts agree on one point about early child development. In the first three years, the most important things parents can do is to establish a strong, nurturing relationship with their baby. This primary attachment creates the groundwork for self-confidence, the ability to learn new things, and the capacity for getting along with other people. Building a healthy relationship means picking your baby up, cuddling, responding to his or her cries. It means playing games, singing nursery rhymes, and reading aloud at bedtime. These seemingly innocuous activities, which many parents do without prompting, provide sensory input (sights, sounds, touch) that stimulates the young neurons and connections in your baby’s brain. This is an important form of learning.

Children start their imagination phase by the age of two. During this phase, they invent stories and cannot differentiate reality from fantasy.

Pretend play becomes more complex and interactive at three. It is no accident that preschools have plenty of props (plastic tools, kitchen gear, blocks, and dress-up clothes) for kids to pretend with.

Children learn by doing and imagining. When they pretend they are a police officer or parent, they have the freedom to explore at their own pace a world they are learning to navigate. They hold the power. They can express their emotions, punishing their pretend children as they've been punished. They learn to negotiate and solve problems (how to stop the bad guy or what to cook for dinner). They learn to walk in others' shoes, helping to develop empathy.

Creating stories about pretend characters encourages language development and abstract thinking. In addition, being able to see that a belt could be a lasso or a block could be an iPod is a precursor to realizing that those symbols on the page are actually letters and words.

To encourage imaginary play, have a stash of props handy for your children to explore boxes, clothes, shoes, household utensils, blocks, stuffed animals, and writing materials. Then step back and have fun watching what the props become.

Did you mean it?

Question for you. 

Did you mean for all of this to be happening?

Did you intend to change the course of yours and others history?

Do you fully comprehend the "ripple effect"?

Well, just so you know, these are the unavoidable consequences of thoughtfulness, patience, and unbridled kindness.

You're on a roll

Thought for the day Love

For the record, here’s what really matters, every single day:

That you know how much you’re loved.

Keep the dream alive

Your plan is working.

No, you probably can't see it yet. Wheels are now turning that have never turned before. Winds are now howling that have never howled before.And players from every walk of life are being drawn into place as if in some hypnotic dance. All because of you, your dreams, and your divinely stubborn persistence. Keep the dream alive, persistence does pay off.

Friends with Benefits?

I recently posted on two weddings that I went to, one with a older couple and one with a young couple. This got me to thinking why get married. I have been married for over 44 years and I understand the benefits of marriage as we age, but for those who are single why get married. While one of tthe most traditional reason to get married over 50, or at any age, is still the best: love.

Couples who live together outside marriage no longer face the societal pressures and judgments they once did, and there are certainly compelling reasons for people over 50 to remain single, yet many older couples still choose to marry. Some reasons for staying single is the idea of Friends with Benefits, which many people I know are into. I did some research into this idea and found that both men and women were more committed to the friendship than to the sexual aspect of the relationship. 

According to one study, more than sixty percent of men (63.7%) and slightly more than half (50.2%) of women reported experience in a friends with benefits relationship. As one might guess, the men enjoyed the benefits more than the friendship, but the women sought the friendship more than the benefits, although these are generalizations.

A new study confirmed those findings, with the caveat that men actually do value the friendship over the benefits - although they tend to enter into the arrangement for the benefits part, while women seek the emotional connection aspect.

The best news, is that a 2011 Relationships Australia survey found that baby boomers are the least lonely generation (Gen Ys are the most). An RSVP survey last year concurred, revealing that over-50s are the age group most content with being single.

 Clearly those are the extremes and there's every experience in between, but the fact is that there are a lot of long married, recently single people out there. In its recent report Working Out Relationships, the Australian Institute of Family Studies revealed that in 2011, 28 per cent of marriages ended in divorce after 20 or more years - up from 20 per cent in 1980. The median age at divorce has also increased, from 38 for men and 34 for women in 1971 to 45 for men and 42 for women in 2011.

We're living longer and more actively than any previous generation. That's great. But it also means that the prospect of togetherness is stretching longer than ever before and, let's face it, that picture can be grim. With the Australian Bureau of Statistics estimating that a man who's currently 65 will live into his mid-80s and a woman to almost 90, that's a whole lot of togetherness. As gerontologist Professor Hal Kendig of the University of Sydney has put it, "Old age used to be this very short period between when you stop working and when you get frail and die, especially for men." It appears that many of us are using this time to develop and maintain strong relationships to the end.

Thoughts are powerful

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” a quote by Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism (pronounced as "Daoism"). He is also revered as a deity in most religious forms of the Taoist religion, still ring true today.

Thoughts are powerful, and if you are to change yourself you have to start with your thoughts. One simple thought can change your destiny forever! 

For most of my life I was a late riser, early mornings were lost to me, but I decided that I would be more productive if I woke up earlier than 8:00. So my initial thought was that I needed to be more productive in the morning, which led me to action. Making this adjustment was not easy. If you’re making an adjustment from sleeping in late, it can be difficult, because you’re tired at first. If you plunge into it and try to wake up an hour or two earlier, it can be hard to make it through the day. Over a 5 year period I struggled to be an early riser and finally the habit of getting up in the morning became my regular routine.

We all have different times of that day that we are more  productive. I used to be a night owl, I thought I was really productive when I worked late, until I started to change my mind set to waking up early. It is much more freeing to get up early, get work done and have the rest of the day to enjoy.When I was a night owl. I had the mornings to relax, but in  the back of my head, I was always thinking about all the work I had to do later. I never fully took time off and relaxed.

I think the key to action is to tune into your own body and understand the power of ‘quiet time’ because being an early riser puts you in a quiet time space – the best thing I can say is  put forth by one very famous guy – Thomas Edison who said “If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves

Becoming an early riser wasn't a decision, but a complete change in my habits. It takes time to get there, kind of like quitting smoking or any other habit. You have to want it, and if you don’t find the benefit to be more worthy than the feeling of sleeping in, then you'll have a hard time making the commitment.

How Do You Define Success in Your Life?

Often, in our society, we define success in terms of material positions and monetary wealth. We often think about success in terms of whether or not someone is rich in terms of net worth. However, is being rich in money and things actually success? It doesn't have to be. Some ways that others use to measure success are:

By Asking yourself: 
Do you feel happy -- not just at work, not just at home, not just in those fleeting moments when you do something just for yourself, but overall
Are you relatively healthy? Do you take care of yourself? If you have your health, a good quality
of life is more likely. Money doesn't help you much if you are too sick to do anything with it.
Is your family in good health, and offering you the chance for good social interactions, money isn't as important.
Do you you have a winning personality and good friends to rely on, that often means that you have good success in your life. You can’t replace those social interactions with money.

Think about your situation and your life. In many cases, a good life isn't dependent on building up vast stores of wealth. Instead, true success is more likely in good health, good friends and family, and a feeling of peace and contentment with the choices you've made.

In many cases, financial success is defined more as freedom. If you are able to cover your needs without going into debt, and if you have the ability to enjoy some of your wants — even if you have to plan ahead and save up to do so — that is often considered financial success.

If you are, you're successful. The happier you are the more successful you are. If you aren't happy it's time to rethink how you define success, and start making changes to your professional and personal life that align with that definition, because what you're doing now isn't working for you.

And life is way too short for that.

Success is a combination of happiness and self-satisfaction which comes after hard work for something and you did numerous thing to get it and after applying all the effort, dedication, hard work

When one gets his or her dream, goal or aim that is called success

Success is an end result as well as a journey and the definition falls upon your own personal mantra and values. You may value and measure success as seeing a goal and achieving it or perhaps smashing it out of the water. You may see success as a process of enlightenment and your way through life. Success can be small or big and depending on your competitive nature you make see a success in a small win or maybe that is just a small step to what you consider success.

Success is working constantly towards your dream.

Success is the feeling that arises within us when a task or work done, is being accepted by others and they are satisfied with our performance.

Success can be attained only by a person who has a peaceful mind.

True success is based on our personal set of beliefs, our values, and the choices we make throughout our lives. As our values and ideas shift, our definitions of success will change, as well.

Thoughts to help you clarify success

1. Clarify what success means to you.

Go ahead—be brave, bold, and most importantly be honest with yourself. Only you define what is and isn’t possible—not someone else. If everyone had to share how they define success, what would you say?

2. Pursue goals that are both important and priorities in your life.

In his book, Open, one of the world’s greatest tennis players, Andre Agassi, talks about the first time he earned the No. 1 ranking in the world. He said that he felt empty and unfulfilled. It wasn’t until Agassi won the French Open and put his tennis earnings toward building charter schools for underprivileged children and helping others that he felt a deeper sense of fulfillment (and he met his wife Stefanie Graf).

The takeaway is that being No. 1 may equate to external success but it does not necessarily equate to fulfillment. Do your goals add meaning to your life?

3. Believe that you can achieve success (or top 1% moments) from any starting place in life.

It’s never too late to make a positive decision and turn your ideas into action.

In the words of Nelson Mandela, “It always seems impossible until it is done.” What would you love to achieve in your life?

When you are ready to accept nothing less than walking on your true path to success, you will have a renewed sense of empowerment, and you will start to see new opportunities.

TOP 1% BOTTOM LINE: Success is not defined by what society or others think is right for you but by what makes you feel whole and adds meaning to your life. It’s never a comparison. Only you know what makes you smile and leaves you with a greater sense of fulfillment

Older DOES mean wiser:

Age and wisdom beats youth and judgement every time is not just a saying but a proven scientific fact

It is the evidence parents have longed to arm themselves with in disputes with their children – getting older really does make you wiser.

The over-55s use their brains more efficiently than their younger counterparts, as they are much more likely to shrug off mistakes, say scientists.

And while they may take more time to come to a decision, they are simply conserving their energy.

Younger people, by contrast, give the impression of being sharper, simply by coming up with answers more quickly. But this, say the researchers, may be a sign of inexperience rather than wisdom.

The Canadian scientists set two groups of participant’s tasks that involved sorting words into pairs, and scanned their brains as they completed them. The tasks included pairing words according to category or initial letter and picking out words that rhymed.

Initially, they were not told what sort of pair to look for. Instead, the game helped them work it out by telling them if they had made the right choice or not. Over time, the categories were changed.

Neuro-imaging scans revealed striking differences between the brains of the older and younger participants when they made a mistake. In the younger ones, the error instantly activated several different parts of the brain to help them decide what to do next.

The older people, however, held their fire until the game restarted. Only then did they start thinking about what they were going to do.

Study author Dr Oury Monchi, of the Institute of Geriatrics at the University of Montreal, said: ‘When the young participants made a mistake and had to plan and execute a new strategy to get the right answer, various parts of their brains were recruited even before the next task began.

‘However, when the older participants learned that they had made a mistake, these regions were only recruited at the beginning of the next trial, indicating that with age, we decide to make adjustments only when absolutely necessary.’

He added: ‘The older brain has experience and knows that nothing is gained by jumping the gun. 

‘Being able to run fast does not always win the race – you have to know how to best use your abilities'
 

'We now have neurobiological evidence showing that with age comes wisdom and that as the brain gets older, it learns to better allocate its resources.

’

Dr Monchi compared the results to Aesop’s fable of the tortoise and the hare, saying: ‘Being able to run fast does not always win the race – you have to know how to best use your abilities. However, when the older participants learned that they had made a mistake, these regions were only recruited at the beginning of the next trial, indicating that with age, we decide to make adjustments only when absolutely necessary.’

He added: ‘The older brain has experience and knows that nothing is gained by jumping the gun. 

This adage is a defining characteristic of ageing. It is as though the older brain is more impervious to criticism and more confident than the young brain.’

Overall, the older group, who were aged between 55 and 75, took longer to complete the game but did roughly as well as those aged  18 to 35, the journal Cerebral Cortex reported.

Read more: 

Duties of an executor

Imagine for a moment you have been appointed executor of someone’s estate, and he or she passes away. Do you know what to do? Where will the deceased's things go? Where do you even start? Or, perhaps you are writing your will and you need to decide who to appoint as executor; here are some things to consider regarding this important post.

Acting as an executor can be very challenging. Just ask anyone who has been a executor in the past and many will tell you it can be very time consuming, emotionally draining, difficult and seem like it never ends.

You should give this responsibility to someone knowing that the task will be time-consuming and stressful. Once someone begins the process of dealing with the estate assets, they are legally bound to complete the job, and can only be relieved of the responsibility by a court order. No one can be forced to act as the executor.

Appointing an Executor in the First Place

When making a will, the testator (will maker) should appoint someone executor who will make responsible decisions, and who will follow any directions left in the will for the disposal or distribution of property. An executor may be a family member, close friend, or sometimes simply someone who has the ability to handle an estate (e.g., a trust company). A person appointed to handle an estate in a will is called the executor; a person not appointed in the will but handling the estate anyway is called the administrator.

Who Qualifies as a Good Executor?

The majority of Canadians appoint family over friends as the executor of their will, according to a BMO Financial Group study. Being an executor is a huge responsibility. The fate of someone else’s belongings is in the executor's hands and the executor must be capable of honoring the deceased's wishes. Choosing someone to be an executor is a major decision, essentially it making decisions on someone else’s behalf.

The duties listed above require an executor that has certain qualities and a particular mindset. An executor who will likely do a good job is someone who possesses such attributes as patience, wisdom, knowledge, discretion, and organization. These people embrace their new responsibility of being appointed executor and they take on these tasks maturely and carefully. There are a couple of things you might want to consider while making the decision to accept the executor role

However, with executor responsibilities consisting of nearly 50 tasks including tax, inheritance and family property laws, many may not appreciate the complexities that come with this duty.

“Being appointed as the executor of a loved one’s estate can be a daunting duty that involves an overwhelming number of tasks, some of which can be highly complex,” said Sara Plant, chief executive officer, BMO Trust Company. “Not only can it be an emotional period, but executors are often expected to dedicate a lot of time and take on a lot of responsibility that is often best left to a professional.”

The study showed that of the 85% who appointed a family member 40% appointed spouses and only 1% appointed a trust company as the executor of their own will.

The results of the study also revealed that, if appointed as executor, the majority of Canadians (65%) would not, or are not sure if they would hire a professional to assist them.

 According to the Canadian Bar Association, “The executor gathers up the estate assets, pays the deceased’s debts, and divides what remains of the deceased’s estate among the beneficiaries.”

Executor’s Duties

Below you will find a list of duties of an executor. This list is far from exhaustive but illustrates how important it is to choose a good executor. Remember, settling your estate is not an honour. It is work. Choose your executor carefully to ensure that he or she can handle the job.

The following is not a complete list of the duties and responsibilities of an executor or executrix, but it does provide a good overview of the principal tasks:

1. Immediately After Death

 Arrange for organ donation

Arrange for funeral:

Review Will with lawyer

Arrange for care of dependents and pets

Find and secure all assets: Home, Contents of home, Other real estate, Personal property, Business, Vehicle, Perishable goods, Access and list the contents of any Safety deposit box

Obtain insurance for any vacant real estate.

2. Find all ongoing expenses and debts

Stop all unnecessary expenses: Subscriptions (magazine, theatre), Health care (home care), Memberships (gym, club, sports, auto, professional, etc), Entertainment (cable, satellite, websites), Communication (telephone, cell phone, Internet), Insurance (auto, disability).

Forward mail

Notify all holders of assets: Bank, Broker, Investment advisor, Insurer.

Notify all service providers: Utility companies, Landlord, Property maintenance

Cancel credit and debit cards

Review all documents relating to assets: Property insurance, Mortgage, Lease, Business, Investment.

Review all documents relating to financial obligations: Contracts, Divorce or separation agreement, Court orders.

3. Soon After Death

 Institute plan for securing and managing assets until sale, disposal or distribution

Re-register or transfer ownership of all assets to the estate

Obtain valuation of all assets

Prepare inventory of assets and liabilities

Obtain probate

Schedule payment of all debts.

4. Within Weeks of Death

Meet with all beneficiaries of estate

Maintain or initiate legal actions on behalf of the estate

Defend legal actions against the estate

Advertise for creditors

Collect life insurance

Arrange for transfer of assets passing outside the estate: Registered investments, Jointly held accounts and land.

5. Remaining Estate Settlement Process

Maintain records of assets and estate administration

Sell assets, as appropriate

Collect debts

Pay debts

Litigate or settle all claims by or against the estate

File outstanding tax returns (including terminal return)

File estate tax returns

Obtain tax clearance certificate

Obtain interpretation of Will

Distribute assets according to the Will: To individuals, To charities, To trusts.

Claim executor’s fees

Obtain releases from beneficiaries.

The information in this articles was taken from:

Jim’s book Smart Tips for Estate Planning.

http://www.tdwaterhouse.ca/products-services/investing/private-client-services/private-trust/exec-duties.jsp

http://www.self-counsel.com/news/law/wills-and-estates/377-what-if-ive-been-appointed-executor-in-a-will.html

What are you going to do?

The holiday season is a wonderful time of year for some, but for others it can be sad and depressing. Some people feel the loss of loved ones, the separation from friends and family at this time of the year. they look around and the media and people seem to be saying "This is a time of good cheer" so how do we help them and how can they deal with it, because they are not going to Quit life.

In our life we face struggles and challenges everyday and in some of these struggles we are just starting and for other struggles  you are past the point of no return in your journey to success. 

So what are you going to do at this time of year? 

Quit? 

No. You can quit when you're dead. For now, it's time to get out there and finish this journey. As you persevere, remember one of the motto's to live by is:  "It will all be over soon." or "This too shall pass."

All bad times come to end. 

Until then, we are left with a powerful choice. To quit or to carry on. If we quit, we only make the ending worse. If we carry on, we will feel the situation getting harder at first. However, everyday that you make progress, things will get better and the future will become brighter. 

Never forget this. 
If you are dealing with a divorce, loneliness, sadness,  never forget that there will soon be better days. You will fall in love again you will soon find friends. If you struggle financially, understand that there are proven methods to getting out of debt and getting back on track. If you are trying to overcome health problems, know that there are solutions and that there is support out there for you. You can succeed. You can take control of your future. 

Persevere through the dips, and you'll come out stronger on the other side. 

Because what else are you going to do? 

Quit? 

Snorkeling

Snorkeling is fun and I learned an interesting life lesson from this activity.

As I was swimming another swimmer who was quite excited said he had spotted  an octopus and asked if I would like to see it. I nodded and he showed me . I spent some time watching the octopus and the other beautiful fish in the area,  before moving on to another part of the reef.

About ten minutes later my wife, who had been swimming in the area was helping the other swimmer find the octopus called me over. She was about twenty feet from me and she had a large turtle swimming under her. I quickly swam over.to see the turtle swimming away. I followed it for a few minutes until he swam away too fast for me to keep up.

I missed the turtle, the other swimmer  missed the turtle. Snorkeling focuses your vision to what you can see  directly see in front of you.  If you want to see more you have to be flexible and  be open to looking around.  We can become so focused on what is in front of us that we miss the beauty that surrounds us. Every time I snorkeled I found it took me some time to adjust my vision to see the wonders of what was before me. Slowly the beautiful vista opened for me, but only when I opened my mind did I begin to see the variety of fish and corral before me. I found that over the summer I had, because of the hip and the  pain of recovering from knee surgery, I had become focused on my pain rather than appreciating the wonders, and beautiful things life has to offer. Snorkeling allowed me to regain my focus and to remember life is a joy and I just have to stay focused on the beauty not the pain of life. 

Feel better fast

 We all have down days, days where our self-esteem is low, or for one reason or another, we just seem to have  the blues.        
       
 Here is a simple little habit that will help you  instantly feel better about yourself.    Make it a habit to help another person for no reason at all. Here are some examples:      
       

•  Let someone get ahead of you in line.
•  Complement a complete stranger on the job they are doing, or how nice they look (a cashier at  a store, a toll attendant, etc) 
•  Help an elderly person cross the street
•  Put money in another person’s parking meter.         
•  Open a door for someone. 
•  Volunteer to help a charity organization 
•  When you see someone trying to get intoyour lane on the road, slow down and let them in.         

  You will be amazed at how much better you will feel when you help a complete stranger.      
       
 Try it .....      
        

Top five regrets of the dying

 An interesting story from the Guardian.

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

Creativity

Happy New Year and while we celebrate the new Mayan calendar and our own new year, lets take some time to look ahead and my hope for you is that you  have a creative, bright, and wonderful new year.

You have probably had two types of experiences with creativity.  Perhaps while talking to a friend, going for a walk or reading a  magazine article, you find yourself suddenly inspired with an idea  that solves a problem totally unrelated to the conversation, scenery  or article.

On the other hand, creativity can occur in brainstorming sessions where you are actively generating ideas; while mind mapping; when you are sitting at your desks trying to figure out how to make a business presentation more compelling to a client; and in any other situation where you are actively trying to solve a problem. 

The first type of creativity has been called passive and the second active, and there is a relationship, active creativity and passive creativity are closely related. You cannot have passive creativity without some element of active creativity. 

In fact, one could argue that all passive creativity is the result of previous efforts at active creativity. The author who dreams up an idea for a novel may not have actively been looking for a new novel idea. However, since her profession is writing, you can be sure she frequently does actively seek new ideas. 

Likewise, the scientist who, through sudden inspiration, invents a new chemical or technology or theory, will almost certainly have been actively looking for such solutions in the past. Indeed, passive creativity seems to be one approach our mind takes towards solving problems. 

Research carried out by the University of Luebeck in Germany found that sleep seems to be an essential ingredient for passive creativity (although they didn't call it 'passive' creativity in the experiments - just creativity), which confirmed what many people have long suspected: sleeping on a problem can help you solve it more creatively. 

Although the exact process is not clear, it seems that the biochemical process of the brain restructures memories before storing them during the night. This restructuring most likely allows our minds to see problems in new ways and so bring new solutions to them. (Ref: http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/01/21/sleep.creativity.ap/index.html )

Likewise, walking, talking, reading and otherwise absorbing new input gives our minds new material, which may be applied to existing problems for which are seeking solutions.

What this all means is that passive creativity cannot exist without active creativity. Inspiration alone will not give you ideas. You need to break down your problems into creative challenges and actively try to solve them. However, if the solution does not come through the usual idea generation channels, one of the best creativity tools you have available is to put the problem to the side of your mind, so to speak, and give your mind a chance to add new input and surprise you with passively creative ideas. A good night's sleep along the way will only help. 

What do you talk about with your friends

When I am talking with my friends and others who are in my generation, there are a number of topics that reoccur. I am not sure if there is any research into this area (I am sure there is somewhere) and I am sure the research would prioritize these items so that I would know what others my age believed were important.


However, no matter what the research may say, what is important for me is the frequency that these items come up in conversation. So I suspect these are of importance to all Boomers (Sonic or Zoomer). The topics we discuss are, in order of frequency, for me and my friends:

• Family
• Financial Security
• Future Quality of Life-- What does retirement look like for me, where will I live, will I have enough money, what it is like to redefine myself and think of myself as a retiree
• Travel
• Staying Active
• Maintaining meaningful friendships
• Reflections on life and the need to or the lack of ability or ability to tell one’s own story
• Generational responsibility—taking care of elderly parents while dealing with one’s children

Stress and mental capacity

Have you ever thought that we are under enough stress? I have a friend who has the attitude that he gets stressed out about a lot of things, but if he if he has a choice, he would rather not choose to add things to his list—especially things he has no control over. While the fact is, he has that choice, and we all have this choice.

If something is bothering you – reduce the amount of mental capacity you give to “it”.

The things that worry, stress, aggravate or infuriate us can only do so if we choose to allow them. If something is bothering you – it’s because you’ve given that thing more of your mental capacity than it may warrant.

We are responsible for our own suffering and upset and our own joy and love.  It’s difficult to admit that we are doing something that is causing us to suffer. It is also difficult to accept that we can simply choose to not allow stressful things to preoccupy our thoughts. You may believe that you are being ‘responsible’ and ‘mature’ about things when you are stressing over them, but you are not mature. The mature thing to do is to make a better choice and get on with living a positive life.

So here are some things that we all have to face:

• Gas prices will do what they do.
• I can choose to drive or not drive.
• If I choose to drive I will need gas.
• All politicians live to stay or get into Power and tell me their (usually) self serving version of the truth to get me to vote for them
• I can choose to believe or not believe the “truths” politicians tell me
• If I choose to believe their “truth” or if I choose to not believe their “truth”, it doesn't matter because politicians will continue to fight for power and will continue to present their self serving version of the "truth" to me

Any interpretation beyond those facts is entirely up to me.