Teach your grand children well.

 I write this blog so that one day, my grandchildren can understand my world and my views on it. I am a big believer that we need to pass down wisdom from one generation to the next. I think this is a beautiful tradition, and it's important to recognize the differences in the worlds that each generation inhabits. However, we as grandparents might try to teach our grandchildren things that we consider  important, but these lessons might not be immediately apparent to the children  

Many of us grew up in times when hard work was an essential part of daily life, especially for those in rural areas. While the nature of work has evolved, instilling a strong work ethic can still be a valuable lesson for resilience and determination.

For those of us to whom the environment is a very high priority, or have a background in farming, the importance of sustainable living, conserving resources, and respecting nature might be a key lesson. While the specifics may differ in a modern, urban context, the underlying message of responsible stewardship can still be relevant.

In the age of technology, some practical skills, such as basic repairs, sewing, or gardening, may seem less crucial. However, these skills not only foster independence but also contribute to a sense of accomplishment and self-sufficiency.

We often faced economic hardships that instilled a sense of financial prudence. Teaching the value of saving, budgeting, and delayed gratification can be timeless lessons, even if the economic landscape has changed.

Life inevitably brings challenges, and the ability to bounce back from setbacks is a crucial skill. Sharing personal stories of overcoming difficulties can provide inspiration and guidance, even if the specific circumstances differ.

In a world dominated by digital communication, emphasizing the significance of personal connections, active listening, and meaningful conversations can be a valuable lesson.

While modern life has made convenience a priority, knowing how to cook simple, nutritious meals, maintain a home, and handle everyday tasks can contribute to a sense of self-sufficiency and well-being.

Sharing family history, cultural traditions, and personal stories can provide a sense of identity and connection. While the specific experiences may differ, the importance of heritage and roots remains significant.

In a world that often prioritizes instant gratification, imparting the value of patience and the rewards of perseverance can be an enduring lesson.

Emphasizing the importance of being an active and informed citizen, contributing to the community, and understanding social issues can shape responsible and empathetic individuals.

While the specifics of certain lessons may need adaptation, the core values that we want to pass down – resilience, integrity, compassion, and a strong work ethic – are timeless and can contribute to the holistic development of our grandchildren, fostering a well-rounded and grounded outlook on life.

Help your grandchildren overcome

My fellow Grandparents,

I want to start by acknowledging the important role you play in your grandchild's life. As loving and supportive grandparents, you have the power to help your grandchildren overcome their fears and reach their highest potential. In this ever-changing world, it is crucial to equip them with the necessary tools and mindset to navigate life's challenges successfully. Let me share some persuasive points and examples to inspire you to guide your grandkids towards courage, resilience, and growth.

Model courage when approaching new tasks:

Children often look up to their grandparents as role models. By demonstrating courage and facing your own challenges head-on, you provide a powerful example for your grandchildren to follow. Whether it's learning a new hobby, embracing technology, or pursuing a personal goal, let them see that it's never too late to try something new and that taking risks can lead to personal growth. Your courage will inspire them to take similar leaps of faith.

For instance, suppose you've always wanted to learn a musical instrument but never had the opportunity. By enrolling in classes and practicing in front of your grandkids, you demonstrate the value of pushing past your comfort zone and embracing new experiences. This instills in them the belief that they too can conquer their fears and explore uncharted territories.

Celebrate mistakes:

Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities, and they should be celebrated rather than feared. Encourage your grandchildren to view mistakes as stepping stones on their path to success. Help them understand that setbacks and failures are not indicators of incompetence but rather essential parts of the learning process.

When your grandchild makes a mistake, offer words of encouragement and support. For example, if they struggle with a math problem, praise their effort, highlight what they learned from the experience, and emphasize that mistakes are natural and necessary for growth. By reframing mistakes as valuable learning moments, you create an environment that fosters resilience, creativity, and problem-solving skills.

Let them shine:

Every child has unique talents and strengths. As grandparents, you can play a crucial role in identifying and nurturing those talents. By offering opportunities for your grandkids to explore their passions, you can help them develop a sense of purpose and confidence.

For instance, if your grandchild shows an interest in art, provide them with art supplies, enroll them in art classes, or even display their artwork in your home. By actively supporting and encouraging their interests, you send the message that their talents are valued and that they have the potential to excel in their chosen endeavors.

Challenges and mistakes build character:

In a fast-changing world, resilience and adaptability are essential traits. By encouraging your grandchildren to face challenges and embrace their mistakes, you help build their character and fortify their ability to cope with life's uncertainties.

For example, suppose your grandchild is hesitant to participate in a school play due to stage fright. Instead of avoiding the situation, gently encourage them to step out of their comfort zone. Help them understand that the experience of overcoming their fear and performing on stage, regardless of the outcome, will contribute to their personal growth and development.

Encourage them to talk about their fears:

Open communication is vital when it comes to helping children overcome their fears. Create a safe and supportive space for your grandkids to express their concerns and worries. By actively listening to their fears without judgment, you can provide the guidance and reassurance they need to overcome their obstacles.

For instance, if your grandchild expresses anxiety about starting a new school, engage in a conversation about their concerns. Let them know that it's normal to feel nervous and that many children share the same worries. Share stories of your own experiences navigating unfamiliar environments, and offer advice on coping strategies and positive thinking. By addressing their fears head-on, you empower them to face challenges with courage and determination.

In conclusion, as loving grandparents, you have a unique opportunity to shape your grandchildren's lives positively. By modeling courage, celebrating mistakes, encouraging their talents, embracing challenges, and fostering open communication, you can help your grandkids overcome their fears and reach their highest potential. Remember, the world is changing rapidly, and your guidance can equip them with the resilience and skills they need to thrive in an ever-evolving future.

Your love, support, and wisdom will be the guiding light on their journey. Together, let's empower the next generation to conquer their fears and embrace the opportunities that lie ahead.

Fast Facts on Grand parenting & Intergenerational Mentoring

The following is from the Legacy project and I thought it was interesting.

• Research shows children need 4 to 6 involved, caring adults in their lives to fully develop emotionally and socially.
• The grandparent/grandchild relationship is second in emotional importance only to the parent/child relationship.
• Some research shows that 9 out of 10 adult grandchildren feel their grandparents influenced their values and behaviours. Grandparents transmit to their grandchildren the values and norms of social order. Without such intergenerational continuity, some theorists say they set the stage for conflict and disruptive change, not only within the family but also in the broader society.
• Fewer than 50% of adolescents in 1900 had two or more grandparents alive. By 1976, that figure had grown to almost 90%.
• Today, an American at birth is expected to live 76 years compared to 47 years in 1900 — an additional 29 years. Most of today’s grandchildren will have most or all of their grandparents survive at least during part of their childhood and adolescence, and many will have surviving grandparents well into their adult years. At age 30, 75% of people will have at least one surviving grandparent.
• Since 1900, the percentage of Americans 65 years and older has more than tripled (4.1% in 1900 to 12.7% in 1999). In 1900, there were 3.1 million people 65 years and older; in 1999 that number had risen to 34.5 million.
• Today, over 13% of the US population is 65 years or older. By the year 2030, 1 in every 5 Americans will be over 65, totaling 70 million. For the first time in history, there will be more people of grandparent age than children and youth. These older adults can have a tremendous impact on society by choosing to be active grandparents and mentor younger generations.
• The older population itself is getting older. Researchers divide older adulthood into three general groups: “young old” (65-74), “old old” (75-84), and the “oldest-old” (85+). In 1999, the 65-74 age group (18.2 million) was eight times larger than in 1900, but the 75-84 group (12.1 million) was 16 times larger and the 85+ group (4.2 million) was 34 times larger.
• In 1960, a 65-year-old had a 1 in 7 chance of living to be 90; a 65-year-old today has a 1 in 4 chance. Centenarians are actually the fastest-growing age group in the country. We expect the number of centenarians in the US to jump from fewer than 30,000 in 1990 — 80% of them women — to over 800,000 by 2050.
• About 1/3 of the adult US population are grandparents. Over 70% of middle-aged and older people will become grandparents. A considerable number of grandparents will live long enough to become great-grandparents — and some will even become great-great-grandparents.
• There are about 70 million grandparents in the US today, and each month 75,000 Americans 45-69 years old join the club. We expect the number of grandparents to grow to 80 million by 2010.
• The average age of becoming a grandparent is 50 years for women and a couple of years older for men.
• Today’s grandparents may range in age from 30 to 110, and grandchildren range from newborns to retirees.
• Most grandparents have multiple (5 to 6 on average) grandchildren.
• Because of divorce and remarriage, many children have 6 to 8 adults in the “grandparent” role in their lives. Between 20% and 25% of grandparents will be step grandparents, either through their own or through their adult children’s divorces and remarriages.
• The transition to parenthood is a stressful period, even for competent couples with uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy babies. In one study, 65% of mothers and 37% of fathers reported that the first month of their baby’s life was more difficult than they expected. In another study, we found that when daughters become mothers, they often find themselves with an unusual need for their mothers. Grandparents face changes: they experience a mixture of pleasure, tension, anxiety, gratitude, and resentment, as well as positive and negative expectations of themselves and their adult children. Intergenerational support is essential to the healthy progress of all three generations — children, parents, and grandparents.
• Parents are a bridge between the two generations. They can set the tone for grandparent/grandchild relations over the entire life course by how they perform their early function as gatekeeper to grandparents and as a regulator of grandparent role behavior. Grandchildren also model the behavior of their parents toward grandparents; they maintain the same close or distant relationship with grandparents that they experienced when they were living in the parental home. Even as adults, grandchildren interact with grandparents in wider family activities, often involving the parents. Greater closeness and contact between parents and grandparents equals more closeness and contact between grandchildren and grandparents.
• Sometimes, parents deny grandparents access to grandchildren. Grandparent rights have received increasing attention. Although no state grants an automatic right to visitation, most states have enacted laws which promote grandparent visitation when it’s found to be in a child’s best interest.
• Events in the parent generation — divorce, drug addiction, teenage pregnancy, death — can affect the grandparent generation. Grandparents can find themselves as primary caregivers. Grandparents who are raising their grandchildren face several problems, ranging from stress-related illness and social isolation to financial difficulties. According to 1997 figures, there are 2.5 million grandparent-headed households in which 4 million children are growing up; one-third of these children (1.3 million) have no parent present in the home. 6% of all children in the US under age 18 are growing up in grandparent-headed households.
• Intergenerational bonds need not be traditional or biological. Older adults and young people can often validate and help each other. Intergenerational mentoring can make a significant difference in a child’s life. The involvement of a reliable, caring adult helps children develop life skills, and builds self-esteem and confidence. One recent study showed that when a child is mentored by an adult, they are: 46% less likely to use illegal drugs; 27% less likely to use alcohol; 52% less likely to skip school.
• Even before the age of 5 years, research shows children may have already internalized ideas that lead to ageism (age prejudice/stereotypes) and gerontophobia (fear of aging). Children need to learn about aging and have positive role models in their life. In one study, 62% of children said they learned about older people from their grandparents. Other research has shown that children who know an older person well, like a grandparent, portray older people in a more positive way.

Creative play

In an earlier post, I said, if you have a grandchild or a child who has a creative imagination, help them build their worlds and create. Help them to understand that fiction is something they can build using 26 letters and a handful of punctuation marks, and they, and they alone, using their imagination, can create a world and people to fill this world. Using writing they get to feel things, visit places and worlds they would never otherwise know, and they can share these with their friends, family, and maybe one day the world.

I believe this to be true, but I did not mention children who use their imagination to draw, paint, or sketch the worlds they imagine. Artists use imagery to touch our souls, to help us understand the depth of human desire, rage, anguish, pain, love, and joy. The skills the writer uses to manipulate the 26 letters of the alphabet to create stories, moods, characters, and memories can be surpassed by the ability of the artist to use the primary colours, of red, yellow, and blue to create a story, a mood, and memories. They use art to show us how to feel and how to visit places we may never go or imagine ourselves. Encourage them to share their visions with friends, family and maybe one day the world.

Now we are aware that humans only see a small part of the light spectrum, some scientists say we see less than 1%. With that 1%, we create magical worlds that allow the viewer to be transported, using their imagination to a different time, place, or mood. Encourage the artist, in your grandchildren who see the world differently and who express their view through their drawings, paintings, or sketching.

The creativity of children can be expressed through art, writing, acting, and playing and sometimes as adults we miss out. So, when we see creativity in action, we should talk about it with the child. Ask open-ended questions like “Tell me about your picture, your story.”

You can also describe specific things your child is doing by saying things such as, “You’re making short lines, I see you are using red, green and blue.” You can also describe the actions your child is taking or the materials they are using by saying things such as, “You are using a soft paintbrush, I noticed you are making small circles, and you are using two crayons at the same time! I believe that we should encourage role play and imaginative play in children no matter what age.

 

 

July is Breaved Parents Month

 The following is from the Hand to Hold parent support group. I was not aware of the fact that July is annually recognized as Bereaved Parents Awareness Month.

It is a month dedicated to raising awareness of the support necessary when one endures the loss of a child. Over the years Hand to Hold has had the bittersweet pleasure to feature the heartfelt words of parents who have walked this path and shared their stories so others will feel less alone. Here is a collection of those stories.

If you are a parent who has lost a baby, wherever you are in your grief, we want you to know that you are not alone. There is a community of families ready to support you, whether it is today, a month from today, or a year from today. There is a community of families ready to support you, whether it is today, a month from today, or a year from today. Parents who have experienced a loss may request a peer mentor at any time for support from someone who has been there. For more information, visit our bereaved family support resources.

How to Support a Bereaved Parent. Bereaved parent and Hand to Hold Family Support Specialist Christine shares the most meaningful ways friends and family can support a parent after a loss.

Christine’s Story of Loss, Healing and Giving Back. Christine shares her personal story of loss and how giving back as a peer mentor and now a Hand to Hold Family Support Specialist has helped her heal.

NICU Parent Perspective: Acknowledging the Loss of a Multiple in the NICU. Bereaved parents in the Hand to Hold community were kind enough to share their stories with us of losing one or more children in a multiple birth – stories of loss, of grief, of healing, and of hope.

The Complex Emotions of Losing a Twin in the NICU. Guest blogger Ally Anderson shares her story of grief for the baby she lost and joy for the baby she still has.

Life After Loss: How to Start Your Grief Journey. Everyone’s grief journey is different. Guest blogger Brittany Clay shares how she was able to start healing after the loss of her son.

NICU Parent Perspective: We Have Hope in Whatever Lies Ahead. Nothing prepared Valerie for the surprise of being told she were having twins, or for the stress of experiencing complications at 22 weeks, or the pain of losing her precious baby A, Cristiano, just 22 minutes after his birth.

NICU Now Episode 13: Love and Loss in the NICU and Episode 15: Life Transformations After the NICU, Part 2.

A Letter to My Doctor. After losing her twins at just 23 weeks gestation, Melissa Vandermeer shares her raw and honest feelings on why self-advocacy is so important.

Kate’s Story of Loss. Author Kate Polley shares how the loss of one of her twins led her to a unique opportunity to give back to other parents who have lost a child.

Learning the Language of Grief: Telling a Twinless Twin About Their Twin. Kara Wahlin talks about the struggle to tell her son about his twin, who passed away shortly after birth.

Mourning a Loss That Doesn’t Quite Have a Name: Grief and Loss in the NICU. Kara Wahlin discusses how grief can play a part in our day-to-day lives.

Living with Grief: My Story of Infant Loss. Stacey Skrysak shares her difficult experience of losing two of her triplets in the NICU.

Honest Grief: From Being Strong To Being Real. Kierra Sorrells shares how trying to be strong may do more harm than good after the loss of a child.

10 Life Lessons I Learned After Experiencing Life’s Greatest Joy and Most Devastating Challenge. Charles George shares what he’s learned in the years since his son’s death from congenital heart disease.

National and International Resources for Bereaved Families

 

Tours around your City

Some spring and summer ideas for you and your grandchildren. Tours of local attractions take place regularly, but you can organize your own tour with just your grandchildren or with a few other families in your neighbourhood. You may be surprised by what companies and organizations will provide free tours of their facilities.

The fire hall is always intriguing too young and old alike. If you call your local fire hall and speak with the fire chief, he will be happy to arrange a time for you to stop in. They will show you around, let them see inside the fire engine and if there is time you can see a fireman in all of his gear. Not only is this fun, but it is also a safety precaution. You will have to be prepared for the tour to be cut short if an emergency is called in.

Your local postal outlet may provide small tours too at no charge. Call ahead and ask to speak with a manager and ask if you can stop by and show your grandchildren what happens to the mail after it is dropped in the mailbox. The volume of mail that the post office handles and the machines that are used to sort letters are sure to fascinate the kids.

The grocery store or supermarket will conduct tours for you and your grandchildren. The manager of each department (deli, bakery, produce) will let them know what they do to provide fresh food to the customers. Each department plays a very different role in the store, and this can be an educational trip for everyone. Most times the grandchildren get to leave with a cookie or other goodie from the bakery department.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

There is a family phenomenon that you may face now as you should be heading into a leisurely life of a senior citizen and retirement.  But if you find that you are being called upon to raise your own grandchildren, that is a senior citizen lifestyle that is very different than what was expected.  It might be somewhat comforting to know that the incidences of grandparents being called upon to raise their grandchildren is more common now than ever before.  But the fact that a lot of senior citizens have to raise their grandkids doesn’t make it any easier to face that challenge yourself.

 There are a lot of reasons by senior citizens find themselves raising their grandchildren.  The nature of the problem will say a lot about how you approach the many issues of child-rearing.  The reasons range from the death of the parents to situations of abuse, drug or alcohol difficulties or if your child had the baby out of wedlock.  So the extent to which you can have the birth parent active in the life of the baby will be driven by the severity of the reason you are being asked to become a parent a second time around.

 Probably the biggest question you will is what to tell the child.  Honesty is so important in raising children.  It won't take them long to figure out that her “parents” are a lot older than the other children’s parents.  So if you can be honest, while that creates other anxieties in the child, those are much healthier for him or her to confront than dealing with being deceived about parentage issues.

 If you have the birth mother living with you as well, that can be good or bad.  As the girl’s parents, you will be doing her a favour if you enable her to serve in her own parental role as much as she possibly can.  The ideal situation would be if the child knew this was his or her mom rather than go down the road of saying she is an older sister.   Then you can serve in the capacity of caregivers and facilitators but still allow that natural mother/child bond to help both grow into those roles.  It may be hard in the short term but as the child grows older, you and your daughter will be glad you made the effort to handle the issue this way.

The availability of other family members will also be a factor in the demands of parenthood.  Children are active little creatures and they love to run and play actively, especially with their parents.  But sometimes senior citizens are not as much the run and play as much as the cuddle and read a story kind of parents.  If the child has uncles or aunts living nearby who can step in and provide that kind of support to the child, that will take some pressure off of you to try to keep up with the kiddos.

As you step into the role of parent of your own grandchild, it’s proper although a bit frightening to look down the road for 18 years and wonder, will I make it?  It’s a fair question and one you need to make provision for.  Any parent provides for their child in the event of their death and in the case of seniors raising children, those provisions are even more important.  But the provisions don’t just end with financial support.  If Grandpa and Grandma both pass away before the child is done growing up, there should be a natural and acceptable home for that child to go to that will be comfortable for them and where they can continue to grow and learn with as little interruption as possible.

Short of the death of your children, don’t discount the return of your child to assume the role of parent again.  You don’t want this to be a hostile interruption.  If there was abuse or substance problems, there will be legal oversight and a caseworker will have to be involved to determine if your son or daughter is capable of being a parent.  But if they can accept that responsibility and they are prepared to both love and care for the child, then you can hand that responsibility for and feel fulfilled that you did your part to assure your precious grandchild was properly cared for when he or she needed you the most.

 

Do children need grandparents in their lives? 2

I was talking to my brother today, and he was off to babysit his only granddaughter. Every new parent knows how difficult it can raise kids and grandparents are great at helping to bear some of the load involved. They also have lots of experience raising kids. As a grandparent, I think it is important to take a moment every once in a while, to recognize us for all of our ama8. Mentoring and being role models.

They say it is important to lead by example, and we often excel at this. Many of us are bastions of traditionalism and are more than eager to share the importance of having good morals and values.

9. Teaching children about style.

We like getting decked out in crazy fashions during special occasions. Young people dress extremely casually. Previous generations really knew how to get dolled up for a night out on the town.

10. We offer a sense of stability.

The world is transforming rapidly. However, we can be a steady rock. If a child’s parents are going through a divorce or other traumatic event, kids can always rely on their us to show them love and be there for them. We will always be their grandparents.

11. They care for your needs.

Children who visit us never go hungry at Grandma. We how to look out for all their needs, for example, by keeping food on your plate with love in their hearts. Many of us would give our grandchildren the clothes off their backs if they needed them.

12. Grandparents know how to get involved.

According to a survey by AGA 72% of grandparents “think being a grandparent is the single most important and satisfying thing in their life.” That is almost 3 out of 4 grandparents! We love to get involved in everything our grandkids are doing, from attending sports games to baking cookies.

13. Living in the present.

Time is precious, we only get so much of it during this life on Earth. We watched our kids grow up all too fast, so we know how important it is to cherish the milestones of our grandkids as they arrive. One day it is the their1st birthday and before you even realize it, eighteen years have passed, and they are now full-grown adults. We can teach our grandchildren to appreciate every beautiful moment.

14. They teach us.

While normally, it’s the other way around, sometimes, we even get to teach them new things. However, they can teach us, which provides another amazing way to strengthen our relationship. They can help us learn about computers, smartphones, new cultural trends, or anything really. It’s so humbling to understand that we can take guidance from our grandchildren, who are a fraction of our age. Children are never afraid to admit when they don’t understand something, nor should we be ashamed when we don’t know.

15. Endless unconditional love.

Everyone needs love, and we offer it in spades. The most amazing part is that there are no strings attached to our love, either. It simply is. Just like normal parents, we love our grandchildren completely and unconditionally. Unfortunately, many kids don’t realize just how important their relationship is with their grandparents until it is too late.

Let’s all take a moment to thank our grandparents for all the love they have shown us over the years.

Do children need grandparents in their live? 1

I am getting excited my grandson is coming to visit after about 3 1/2 years away. As I thought about him, I looked at this question: 

Do children need their grandparents? The answer is they do, and science proves it. There have been many studies that show not only are kids who have active grandparents happier, but they are actually healthier than children who don’t have grandparents in their lives.

1. We teach life lessons.

We have the unique position of being able to shape future generations by sharing the many pieces of wisdom we have accumulated. For many of us, (not all) age means experience and knowledge. We can help assure our grandkids become productive and strong adults by sharing the mistakes we made along the way and the lessons that we have learned.

2. We make kids happier.

A recent study published in The Gerontologist by researchers Sara Moorman and Jeffrey Stokes confirms this. They examined the influence of solidarity between grandparents and adult grandchildren and what they found was pretty significant. Greater relationship affinity between the two groups reduced depressive symptoms in both of them.

3. Kids find us sympathetic to their plight.

 When a child is angry with their parents, we can serve as an extra outlet for them to vent. Kids are great at finding something to cry or complain about, but if we give them a sympathetic ear, it can make all the difference. Kids rarely listen to advice that comes from their own parents; however, we may lend support and make suggestions that your grandchildren will actually hear.

4. They link us to our family history.

Our past and family history is often an important part of our personal identity, and for many people, we are an important link. We can help children to understand more about ourselves by teaching us about our lineage and by sharing our stories with them about our life growing up.

5. It is a mutually beneficial relationship.

It turns out, our grandkids enjoy having us just as much as we enjoy having grandkids. It is a complementary relationship that benefits both parties. Studies show that kids whose grandparents are involved in their upbringing have greater overall well-being than kids who don’t have that relationship. In addition, grandparents that babysit their grandkids actually live longer than other members of the same cohort without child-rearing responsibilities.

6. We learn not to take ourselves too seriously.

With age comes the inevitable pitfalls. Things like falling asleep on the couch, forgetting the names of places or people. However, grandchildren teach us it’s important to be good-humoured about it. When we are around our grandchildren, we can laugh off these things and make jokes about them. All of us will grow old one day and unfortunate stuff happens, but that doesn’t mean we have to be bitter about it and having our grandchildren around helps us not to be bitter.

7. They can be excellent friends.

While it’s a little weird if kids and their parents identify as best friends, we have a little more flexibility. We don’t have to be as strict as parents do. Parents have to worry about school, and grades, and diet, etc. But we can be a significant source of companionship for kids without imposing too much pressure on them.

Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

Opening the Flood Gate of Communications with the Grandkids

My grandson will be a teenager in a few years. I remember what it was like to raise teenagers. Teenagers seem to go into a funk at 13 and stay that way until they have kids of their own. Today we are grandparents and we see our daughter struggling with getting the “teenager” treatment, do we have to write off our grandson who used to love to be with us when they came to visit?

Child psychologists know a secret. Teenagers longto communicate what is going on in their lives. The teen years are an explosion of change that is unparalleled in life. If a teenager can find an adult they can talk to, that would help them in getting through these tough teen years.

Sometimes Grandma or Grandpa can become that willing ear and someone who a teenager can talk to about whatever is eating them up inside. All you have to do is open the floodgates of communications and the grandkids will pour their hearts out to you.

Modern teenagers are used to Instagram, Tictoc, email, instant messaging, or text messaging. They don’t know the thrill they can get by just seeing a card or letter from someone they love to come in the good old-fashioned mail.  

If they have a phone, start by sending them a message with a simple theme or just to say you are proud of them or love them. Then, now and then, write them a letter. Don’t make it a long letter and surely not a preachy letter. But make it light and fun. Find out what TV shows and movies they like and watch them. Get to know who the kids like in popular culture. You have the time, so follow the gossip websites so you can write to your grandkids about things they are talking about. 

Since kids like to communicate by computer, you communicate by computer. If you are not computer literate, take some classes and learn how to use email, instant messaging and even text messaging, YouTube, ZOOM or other video conferencing.  

You can find all kinds of silly digital “toys” you can use to lure those kids to talk to you online. Once you have that, you can make contact by computer and become a computer “buddy”. The safety of talking online will let the kids know they can talk to you. Before long, the floodgates will open like never.  And when they are pouring their hearts out to you, you will have done a wonderful thing for those kids. And that’s what being a grandparent is all about.

Some ideas to keep grandkids amused

It is the dog days of summer, and the grandkids are over for a visit, what can you do to keep them occupied, outdoors while having fun. Here are 10 ideas that you might want to consider

Ribbon Sticks:
For this you need nothing more than some strips of wide ribbon and some bamboo sticks. A few 4ft sticks will do. Snap them in half and tie a length of ribbon to one end. Make the ribbon length no longer than what the kids can handle. 

Let the kids loose with the sticks and tell them to try to make shapes, circles, and snakes etc just like the gymnasts do on T.V. My 8-year-old grandson absolutely loves this one, and it’s one of the few things he’ll actually do for longer periods of time.

 Garden Fun: 
Buy a cheap plastic double sided sandbox for the garden. Fill one half with sand and the other half with water. Add a whole lot of kitchen utensils and containers, and the kids will occupy themselves for ages.  Make sure you always cover the sandbox when the kids are done, or you might find that your neighbour’s cats may think it's their litter box.

Picking Berries:
Find a place with lots of berries, be it blackberries, strawberries, redcurrants, raspberries or whatever and go berry picking for the day.  Sometimes you may have to pay for the berries, but there are a lot of places where berries grow in the wild and are free to pick and use.  

Kids LOVE picking berries, so take this chance to make it into an educational thing by bringing along a book about berries. This way you can teach them which berries are safe to pick and which ones they need to stay away from. Use the berries you pick to make desserts, jams and cakes. Scrumptious fun!

Organize a Treasure Hunt: 
This can be done in the house, garden, park or even on a short walk. Hide some small items, toys or sweets in various places. Draw up maps with "X Marks the Spot" and easy to follow directions. 

Vegetable Patch:
If you have a garden or access to one, see if you can get the kids involved in making a vegetable patch of their own. Seeds are pretty cheap and a lot of vegetables are extremely simple to grow and cultivate. 

Try with carrots, lettuce leeks, spring onions and pumpkins for starters. Herbs are also really easy. Some extra simple ones are watercress, parsley, chives and basil.

Nature Walks:
Nature walks are one of the most inexpensive boredom busters ever created. All you need is energy and wide-open eyes. Of course, you can make the whole walk a lot more interesting by having something specific to look for. 

Luckily for townsfolk and city people, nature isn’t just about being out in the country. Wherever there are trees, there’s going to be birds. Where there’s grass growing, flowers and weeds grow etc.

Borrow a book about wildflowers, birds or animals from your local library and refer to it every time the kids see something of interest. Take along a notepad and pencil for each of the kids to write down what they saw on the walk.

Borrow A Pet:
A great way to beat boredom during the school holidays is to get the kids involved with animals. If you don’t own a pet of your own, you could offer to look after the school's gerbils and rabbits, or for that little bit “extra”, why not offer to take your neighbours dog along with you on your nature walks? 

Camping Out:
One thing kids never tire of is camping out somewhere. The easiest and cheapest place for that is in your own backyard or back garden. You can buy tents pretty cheap these days, and you don’t need something huge. If you don’t want to go to the expense of buying a tent, you can always make your own “temporary tent” by using a few sticks, sheets and tarpaulin. 

Give the kids lots of snacks, a few flashlights and some sleeping bags. Warn the neighbours that there could be some noise. (If MY kids are anything to go by, there WILL be noise). Please make sure that don’t lock ALL of your doors when you go to bed, as even though the kids may seem ready to “camp out” they might possibly get a bit wary late at night when the rest of the gang is asleep or it might even get a bit chilly and then it’s good for the kids to be able to snuggle up in real beds.

Toy Sail Boats:
This one is a really old pastime, but tons of fun. Get a plastic bottle and cut it in half lengthways. Make the sail from a wooden Kebab stick and some paper. There are tons of other household items that can be used, so look around and use your imagination. 

Make sure you hang some weight to the bottom of the boat to make sure it doesn’t keel over. A lollypop stick with some oil based play dough will work for a short while. (Practice in the kitchen sink to see what works best for you.)  Once the boats are ready, walk to your nearest pond or stream, or even fill up the bathtub and go sailing. Hours of fun for free!

Neighbourhood Walk:
Believe it or not, most kids like to actually learn about the area where they live. Take them out for a walk in your neighbourhood and let them explore the houses, parks and shops in the area. Talk about the older buildings and imagine what life might have been like in the “olden days” 

A trip to the local library can be good fun and useful for researching “the way it was” in your area, and it can use up a lot of otherwise fruitless hours of kids having nothing to do.

Ring Toss:
You need a few plastic bottles filled with water, sand or small stones (2-litre bottles are best) and some paper plates. Buy a packet of at least 20 cheap paper plates. Glue 2 paper plates together and cut out the middles to make a ring. When you glue 2 together it will add weight to the rings. 

Paint the newly created rings in bright colours and hand them out to the kids. Make a line with chalk or rope for them to stand behind and place the bottles at various intervals and distances away from the children.

Anybody who manages to get a ring over a bottle takes one step back and tries again. See how far away they can get and still manage to ring the bottles.

Two Wolves

The folk story of "Two Wolves" has come to me a number of times since the summer so I thought it would be interesting to share some thoughts on it. This story is attributed to many different tribal people. No published accounts of Cherokee oral history, folklore, or philosophy-of which their are many-include this story and it's basic premise of good battling evil is foreign to the Cherokee world-view.

This story, as many others like it, (even IF it were native in origin) would not be attributed to any "one" person as those are verbal stories handed down for generations.

Please note that this story is Inconsistent with native story forms, Native Stories do NOT contain the 'Moral of the story' at the end like non-native stories do.

For instance: The story in Native Form would be:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.  "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

Non-Natives would add this to the story:
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" 

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

This difference is social-religious between the two cultures and is a good way to tell which stories maybe of native origin, and which are not. Religion can be seen as a set of ethics that follows the message of god or a spiritual head. Culture can be seen as something that is common to all people belonging to a nation or a state irrespective of their language or community or religion.

Many of the posts and emails I have received with this story go on to talk about what the message means. How one can take the message and create a better vision for themselves, a better path to enlightenment or the steps needed to become a better person. How one interprets this story is important for us as we Boomers examine our live and move into the next phase of living. This is important because as part of our journey, we will be starting to put together our stories, which contain our own wisdom and view of the world. Do we embrace religion, or culture or both? What message do we want our grandchildren to  hear from us? Which beast do we feed?

 In The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life, Durkheim (David Émile Durkheim April 15, 1858 – November 15, 1917 was a French sociologist. He formally established the academic discipline and, with Karl Marx and Max Weber, is commonly cited as the principal architect of modern social science and father of sociology) recognized the social origin of religion. Durkheim argued that religion acted as a source of solidarity and identification for the individuals within a society, especially as a part of mechanical solidarity systems, and to a lesser, but still important extent in the context of organic solidarity. Religion provided a meaning for life, it provided authority figures, and most importantly for Durkheim, it reinforced the morals and social norms held collectively by all within a society. Far from dismissing religion as mere fantasy, despite its natural origin, Durkheim saw it as a critical part of the social system. Religion provides social control, cohesion, and purpose for people, as well as another means of communication and gathering for individuals to interact and reaffirm social norms

Lessons from the Luau

We sat across the table from an interesting couple from California.  As we talked about the Luau,  life, children and grandchildren the husband took out too small figurines positioned them on the table and took a few pictures. We must have looked surprised so they explained.  The couple travelled a lot and when their grandchildren were about three and four the couple had found the figures at a flea market. They bought the two with the intention of giving one to each grandchild. Instead they took some pictures og the figures doing things with them on the trip.

Once back home they created a travel adventure book with pictures and gave the picture book and the figures to their grandchildren.  The next time they left to travel, the grandchildren asked them to take the figures and create another adventure book.

The couple explained the grandchildren who were now ten and eleven still loved receiving their adventure books about grannie and grandpas adventure's. I thought what a wonderful idea, and a few days later we found our own figure and we created our first of  many adventure books for our grandson.

A letter to my grandson

On your 3rd birthday here are some thoughts that one day I hope you understand.
Ryder, you have a choice about what kind of person you will be, and you make these choices every day by the actions you take, the thoughts you think, and the way you interact with other people. The person you become is the accumulation of every day that you live and the choices you make daily. 

You can be content and let others make choices for you and if you don’t choose, the world will choose for you. But I am not writing about the world, I am writing to you because I love you and I want you to be the best person you can be. There is only one life and that life is about you. It’s your life.  You only get one and it’s happening right now, so choose the life you want.

Don't over think, let your heart and soul guide you in the decisions that you make. Your mom and dad have given you  a strong foundation so you can figure out what is right and wrong and what is important. Remember, that when you’re deciding what it is that you want,  you don’t need to have it all figured out as sometimes serendipity is a wonderful way to decide.

Be your own man, by that I mean don't rely on friends or adults to help you make decisions when  it comes to choosing the life you want. Friends come and go. Over your lifetime you will have a circle of friends and acquaintances of about 200 people, but the 200 people that come to your high school graduation, will not be the same 200 people that come to your wedding. We change, our friends change, it is sad but it’s true. 

True friends are rare and hard to find, but if you have a true friend they  will support you and love you and understand, no matter what choices you make. If you ever make a choice that they don’t agree with, they'll understand that it was your choice to make. If they don’t understand that – then it’s time for you to let go of that friendship because you've grown in different directions.

Don’t listen to adults when it comes to choosing the life you want. I know that I have been making things up as I go along and I suspect many other adults believe the same about how they operate their lives.  Many adults, who have a vested interest, will try to tell you what sort of life you want. These people will want you to buy their products or work in their companies or support them in their endeavours  If you truly want to do those things, then go for it. But don’t make those choices based on what “they” say. It’s not their life – it’s yours.

Finally, don’t listen to me or your parents when it comes to choosing the life you want.  I'm your grandpa and I love you more deeply than anything. You mom and dad and granny and  I only want the best for you. But even we can’t say what’s right for your life. That’s for you to decide. And we won’t be around forever. We may not agree with all of the choices you'll make, but we know that they are your choices to make because it’s your life. I am sure that your mom and dad love you and will support you in whatever choices you make although they will try to influence you to make choices with which they agree. I love you and I support you  well.

Speaking of not being around forever, no one has  a guaranteed time on this earth. So, do not, waste a single moment on regret or fear. Accept that you'll make mistakes –  we all do and will continue to do so, making mistakes is part of being human. 

Some people make mistakes and they freeze and they do not move forward with the life they deserve. It is difficult, but promise me and more importantly promise yourself that you won’t let those mistakes stop you. Mistakes can be lessons that will help guide you to the life you do want. 

Get in touch with your heart, like you were when you were young. As a child you loved adventure, playing music, and creating order. There were times when the adults around you would be loud and boisterous but you would find peace for yourself and listen to you heart. Listen to it always and listen carefully – it will guide you well. Then make your choices and act!

Love Grandpa

Inspired by Patrick Mathieu

Blowing bubbles

Every kid, no matter what age and expecially my grandson, loves blowing bubbles. So on a lazy September Friday the 13th afternoon, spend some time blowing bubbles and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. We defy you to find an exception. On a sunny day, it's a wonderful activity, whether it's just you and your grandchild or a whole gang of little ones. We have assembled our favourite bubble tricks, tips, and activities to help you make bigger, more colourful  more exciting bubbles together. Don't forget your camera! Bubbles make for great photo ops, too. Here are some ideas for playing with bubbles from  grandparents.com

Make Your Own Super Bubbles
Follow this recipe to make super strong bubbles. Add food colouring for extra fun. You will need:
1 package unflavoured gelatine
1 cup just-boiled water
1 1/2 to 2 ounces glycerine (available in the skin care aisle or at health food stores)
8 1/2 ounces Johnson’s Baby Shampoo
Stir the gelatine into the hot water until it’s dissolved. Mix in the glycerine and shampoo, gently stirring. The solution will gel as it cools.

Create Bubble Art Together

This project is messy, so do it outside or in a room prepared with newspaper or a tarp. You will need:

• Bowls for bubble solution
• Bubble solution
• Tempera paints in multiple colors
• Paper for your art

Set out one bowl for each color of paint you will use. Pour one cup of solution into each bowl, then add a teaspoon of tempera paint to each. Stir. Have your grandchild select a color and blow a bubble toward you. Your job is to "catch" the bubble, so it pops on the paper. The bursting bubble creates a unique splatter. Layer colors to make cool patterns. Switch roles and have fun seeing what designs you can create.

Make Your Own Bubble Wands

Wire hangers: Use pliers to stretch the hanger into a circle or oval. Be sure to cover any sharp edges with duct tape to prevent scrapes. For better bubbles, wrap the wand in cotton string or pipe cleaners, which will absorb liquid and allow you to blow bigger bubbles. Six-pack holders and produce baskets: Shapes like these make for amazing compound bubbles because they have multiple holes. Your fingers: This is a fun trick you and the kids can practice. Make an "OK" sign with your hand and dunk your finger-thumb circle into the solution. Blow through your hand wand. Use your imagination: Look around the house for plastic items with holes that you can try.

Blow Bubbles Within Bubbles

It's neat to show kids how you can blow bubbles inside bubbles (and even bubbles inside those bubbles). It's easy: Pour bubble solution into a shallow dish. Dip one end of a straw into the mixture, slowly blow a bubble, and rest it on the surface of the solution. Wet the straw end again in the solution and gently penetrate the bubble with it (a dry straw will pop the bubble). Repeat the first step to create a bubble inside the bubble. How many layers can you make?

Lava Lamp Experiment

This bubble science experiment is fun to do and watch. Make your own variations together. You will need:

• Clear pint glass or similar-size glass
• Water
• Vegetable oil
• Salt

Pour water into the glass until it is three quarters full. Add about 1/2 inch of oil to the water. It will float because it is less dense than water. Sprinkle salt into the glass and see what happens. Cool, right? Think of other powdery substances you can substitute for salt in the experiment — dirt, flour, sugar, etc. Is the effect the same, or does something different happen?

Grandparent thoughts

My daughter tried to Skype us the other night, but we were not near the computer. I keep my computer upstairs in the den and when she Skyped us, we were in downstairs in the Family room so we missed the call.

What I do have is a great little program called Evaer that I use to record our conversations while using Skype (it records both video and audio) so I have a record of our conversations. What she did is have my Grandson ask "Are you home grandpa?" when Skype picked up her call. 

My grandson has no problem saying Gramma but he has had problems saying Grandpa so I was very excited when I heard him say this when I listened to the audio. I also heard the sadness in his voice when my daughter said I guess he is not home.

Little things make for a great day when you are recovering from surgery; and the hearing my grandson say "grandpa" for the first time made my day. We will connect with my daughter soon and I look forward to seeing him and talking to him for a few minutes. Life is good

Celebrating Grandparents: Relaxed, Playful, Expansive Love

 by Jean Reagan

Posted: 09/08/2012 10:53 am

Jean Reagan is the author of "How to Babysit a Grandpa.")

Celebrate Grandparents Day by sharing a book with a child. Or a stack of books!

What's so grand about grandparents, anyway?

Grandparents as pinch-hitters often offer the grandchild a fresh, more relaxed love than most parents can manage 24/7. The challenge of parenting a child while juggling work, community, partners and perhaps school can be overwhelming. But grandparenting is parenting with a "do-over" option. Grandparents usually have full adult lives behind them. Grandparents know it doesn't pay to sweat the small stuff, so their love can be easy-going.

Grandparents enjoy a more peaceful stage of life, allowing them the time and energy to be more playful with their grandkids. Authority and power between the child and grandparent is less defined, less one-sided, creating a more equal, playful relationship. Grandkids help the grandparents recapture their younger years, both the delights of childhood and the wonder of becoming a parent.

Grandparents are often the first window that expands a child's vision beyond the immediate nuclear family. Grandparents create an organic connection to the past which may offer the traditions of a rural life or a different culture or just an earlier time. Through family stories, children savor and preserve these roots. And through family stories, children can even imagine their own parents as children. That's mind expanding, for sure.

Grand folks, of course, need not be blood relatives to serve as grandparents. Growing up in Japan, I saw my grandparents only every five years; yet I had a slew of neighborhood grandparents we all called "Obaachan" (Grandma) and "Ojiichan" (Grandpa). Children thrive from the love and attention of a multitude of stand-in grandparents. Joyfully for us, this love and attention is reciprocated.

What's so grand about grandparents? They expand the grandchild's world of love and belonging. In return, the grandparent is reintroduced to the wonder of childhood and the rewards of parenting.

My dad was definitely one of the inspirations for this book. Watching my dad play with my kids gave me lots of ideas, but I also asked other kids, grandkids, grandparents and parents, "What do you enjoy doing with your grandpa?" This "research" created a long, long list. Of course, there wasn't room for everything, so I chose my favorites and wrote "How To Babysit A Grandpa" (Alfred A. Knopf) around these activities.

Each summer I volunteer as a wilderness ranger on a lake in the Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. I welcome back families who stay at the same campsites year after year. Campers who brought their children now bring their grandchildren. I've even heard stories of long-ago grandparents who honeymooned in the park in the 1920s. As I canoe by the lakeshore campsites, I watch grandparents envelope kids with relaxed, playful, expansive love, and I witness that love radiated back. That is what's so grand about grandparents.

When you grab that stack of books to share with a child, you may want to try some of my favorite grandparent books -- classics and newbies, but all beautifully illustrated. And remember: don't let a narrow definition of grandparent slow you down. As a non-grandparent myself, I don't!