Bank rulses

Thanks to my cousin Lorraine for this.

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500".
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma'am, you have $35 million in your account and our bank doesn't have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $250,000.
"Well, please let me have $250,000 now", she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.
The old lady put $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.

Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.

Loneliness can harm your health

We are social creatures. Social relationships and cooperation have fuelled the rapid ascent of human culture and civilization. However, we struggle when we are forced to live in isolation. The amount of loneliness has sped up in the past decade.

As one consequence, the UK has launched the ‘Campaign to End Loneliness’ – a network of over 600 national, regional, and local organizations that aim to create the right conditions for reducing loneliness in later life. Such efforts speak to the growing public recognition and political will to confront this evolving societal challenge.

These concerns are intensified if there are protracted cycles of social isolation enforced by national policy responses to extraordinary crises such as COVID-19. Social isolation in childhood and in late adulthood both impact on neurobiological architecture and functional organization. The ensuing loss of social and cognitive capacity has sizable public health outcomes. On the individual scale, this can result in people becoming less socially engaged. If social isolation during development or in older adults happens on a sufficiently large scale, it is likely to have significant consequences for community stability and social cohesion.

Social isolation at a massive scale risks creating many individuals who are less socially functional. It may be important to identify ways of mitigating the worst of the effects of social isolation to alleviate the consequences. One promising intervention would involve creating opportunities where mutual social support relationships (friendships) can develop naturally. By providing more opportunities for people to meet in friendly settings, new friendships may blossom.

Social neuroscientists undertook a longitudinal study of 332 matched adults who underwent regular training sessions. Several months of cognitive training improved empathy for others, which resulted in structural remodelling in brain regions belonging to the social brain network, including the frontoinsular network and the default mode network. There is an urgent need for further research to explore therapeutic interventions using the training of social capacities in socially deprived humans.

One important lesson is that joining clubs can have important benefits in reducing both a sense of loneliness and psychological or psychiatric conditions. One obvious solution is to encourage vulnerable individuals to join social groups and communities that suit their interests and abilities. Establishing a wide range of such clubs is likely to be much cheaper than paying for care homes.

Singing is known to have a dramatic, immediate effect on creating a sense of social engagement and elevating psychological well-being (the 'ice-breaker effect'). Vulnerable individuals could be encouraged to join choirs and community singing groups. Encouragement and funding may need to be invested in establishing a network of choirs. The use of video-embedded digital communication is likely to gain in importance. This is especially true where family and friendship groups cannot meet in the same space. The visual component of the interpersonal encounter appears to play a key role in creating a more satisfying experience of digital social media.

More puns for fun

It's my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogues around the house.

So, I’ve taken the hint.

I’ve got her a magazine rack

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What happens when your hotdogs get cold?

You get chillie dogs

One time I was not able to pay my electricity bill.

Those were dark days.

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

What do you call a fake turn?

A sham poo.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”

If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.

It will be a sadder day.

My mother always used to say “The way to a man's heart is through his stomach”.

Lovely women, great mom, terrible surgeon.

Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle…

It was an ether/oar situation

(Quarantine, day 16)

I’ve started taking calls from telemarketers. Some of them are actually quite nice. Fred a Superior Auto Insurance has a new baby.

How many zombies would rob zombie rob, if rob zombie could rob zombies?

I, personally find the beginning of the working week a bit Mondayne.

Is it time for a do over?

What if today you could wipe the slate clean, start over, and write your own ticket?

No. Wait. Let's change that. What if every day you could wipe the slate clean, start over, and write your own ticket?

How many days would have to go by before you discovered that your "slate" and your "ticket" have nothing to do with each other? That your past need not live in your future?

Your absolute freedom and total power lie in the present moment.