Billy Bob and the Tractor

BUBBA WAS PASSING BY BILLY BOB'S HAY BARN ONE DAY WHEN, THROUGH A GAP IN THE DOOR, HE SAW BILLY BOB DOING A SLOW AND SENSUAL STRIPTEASE IN FRONT OF AN OLD GREEN JOHN DEERE.

He performed a slow pirouette, and gently slid off first the right strap of his overalls, then the left. He then hunched his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, let his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he ripped it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tore the T-shirt from his body and hurled his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Bubba rushed in and said, "What the hell're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

“Good grief, Bubba, ya scared the stuffing outta me" said an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob,

"But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I should act sexy to a tractor.”

(DON'T MAKE ME COME S'PLAIN THIS TO YOU! JUST READ THE LAST LINE AGAIN, SLOWLY.)

I hate it when people become all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they have never seen one of his paintings.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, I am a veterinarian and therefore, I can drive like an animal. I suddenly realized how many proctologists there were on the road.

Once upon a time, there was a king who was only 12 inches high. He was a terrible king, but he was a great ruler.

Serrindipity

 A couple of days ago I participated in a ZOOM conference on the regrets of dying. One of the messages in the conference was that we should reach out and thank those who have helped us become the person we are today. I think the message is important as it helps us realize that others have impacted, our lives and I thought it might be important for those people to know the impact they have had on me. 

Are you a big believer in serendipity, I am. As I was thinking about how I could start to reach out to others, I received, about an hour after the workshop the following message:

Mr. Shook. You keep showing up on my Facebook page. I don’t know if you would remember me or not. Many, many, years ago. My name was ….and in the 70’s I went to West Whalley. You were my homeroom teacher for my duration there, my typing teacher, and my commercial art teacher, I think. (I was.)

I would like to thank you for being the wonderful type of teacher that stands out in one’s mind through the years. You were always so kind. And most teenagers at that age are difficult to deal with. As I was. Lol. Thank you, you were a wonderfully supportive teacher and I think people should know they have done a wonderful job when deserved. Hats off to you sir. You have always been remembered!!!

I did remember her, and I responded to her and said thanks for the kind thoughts. 

I believe that if I don’t follow through and reach out to others there will be consequences, so I will be reaching out to those who helped me or who I was friends with and with whom I lost touch over the years. Life is too short to ignore messages that come out of the blue.

Hoppy Easter

What shouldn’t you tickle an Easter egg?

Because it might crack up!

How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?

Just one, because then it isn’t empty anymore.

Christmas does come before Easter in one place - but where? The dictionary!

What's the best way to make Easter easier? Put an "i" where the "t" is.

How does Easter end? With an "R"!

Where does Easter take place every year? Where eggs mark the spot!

How can you make Easter preparations go faster? Use the eggs-press lane!

What should you do to prepare for all the Easter treats?

Eggs-ercise!

What kind of jewelry is the best Easter gift? A 14-carrot gold necklace.

What kind of bean can't grow in a garden? A jelly bean.

What happens if you get married on Easter? You live hoppily ever after.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot? Nice gnawing you.

What is Easter Bunny’s favourite kind of music? Hip-hop!

What do you get if you give an Easter Bunny a pair of socks? A sock hop!

How does an Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good? Hare spray.

What's the Easter Bunny's favourite restaurant? IHOP.

Why was the Easter Bunny so sad? He was having a bad hare day.

How does the Easter Bunny stay in shape? He eggs-ercises.

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit? Hare-obics.

How does the Easter Bunny travel? By hare-plane.

How do you write a letter to an Easter Bunny? Use hare-mail!

What do you call an Easter Bunny with a bad memory? A hare-brain!

What do you call an Easter Bunny who gets kicked out of school? Egg-spelled.

What the Easter Bunny’s favourite dance move? The bunny hop.

What kind of bunny can't hop? A chocolate bunny.

What's the Easter Bunny's favourite sport? Basket-ball.

What kind of rabbit tells jokes? A funny bunny.

Why couldn't the Easter Bunny watch his favourite show? Because his TV was scrambled!

Did you hear about the bunny who sat on a bumblebee? It's a tender tail!

Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.

What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade? It was eggs-cellent.

What do you get if you cross Winnie the Pooh and the Easter Bunny? A honey bunny.

These are only the tip of the iceberg from this link: https://www.countryliving.com/life/a30679637/easter-jokes/

4,000 and counting

This is my 4,000 post and I am thankful for all of you who read my thoughts and ideas. In one of my first posts back in 2010, I said when talking about having a new grandson who was born in Australia:

I know that many of my generations have teenage grandkids but this is new territory for me and my wife. I am not sure if being a grandfather makes me a senior but I do I still qualify as a boomer. I am not yet ready to call myself a senior although I suspect that younger people would think I qualify.

I started writing this blog when my grandson was born with the idea that one day when he was old enough he would read some of what I have written to get an idea of what is grandfather was like, what I considered important and how I view life. He is now 11 and in a few years will be able to think about reading my thoughts. 

The idea to do this came from my mother, who kept a diary of her early life with my father. Both my mom and dad died before I was 35 and while my mom got to meet her grandchildren, my father never did. However, when my mom died she left her diaries and pictures in my care. It took a few years, but I eventually read them and was astounded about how little I knew of her early life. My parents never talked about the hardships they faced when they first were married and I was too young to remember. Having the diary gave me a chance to see another side of my mom and increased my love and respect for her by a thousand times.

Today we don't have to write our thoughts in diaries we can use blogs. I have friends who use diaries and I respect them, but I chose another route to reach out to my family and friends. I hope to continue to write as long as I keep having ideas and thoughts that I think will help my grandson understand me and how my thinking helped shape his mother's attitudes and view of life. Thank you all for your support offer the years.