Interesting view

Engineer, physicist, and futurist Nikola Tesla (July 10, 1856–January 7, 1943) is among the most radical rule-breakers of science and is regarded by many as the greatest inventor in human history. His ground breaking work paved the way for wireless communication and imprinted every electrical device we use today. 

One of the most surprising, most obscure, yet most incisive of Tesla's predictions peers into the future of society's changing gender roles and considers how the advent of wireless technology would empower women, liberating them to develop our full intellectual potential repressed by the patriarchy for centuries.

In January of 1926, a reporter named John B. Kennedy interviewed Tesla about these very ideas. The piece was published in Colliers magazine under the title "When Woman Is Boss" and is discussed in Margaret Cheney's excellent Tesla: Man Out of Time (public library), which remains the most insightful and dimensional perspective on the great inventor's mind and spirit. Here is some that article:

After reflecting on the future uses of wireless technology and practically predicting the iPhone, Tesla points to the empowerment of women as one of the most significant effects of technology on the world of tomorrow:

It is clear to any trained observer, and even to the sociologically untrained, that a new attitude toward sex discrimination has come over the world through the centuries, receiving an abrupt stimulus just before and after the World War.

This struggle of the human female toward sex equality will end in a new sex order, with the female as superior. The modern woman, who anticipates in merely superficial phenomena the advancement of her sex, is but a surface symptom of something deeper and more potent fermenting in the bosom of the race.

It is not in the shallow physical imitation of men that women will assert first their equality and later their superiority, but in the awakening of the intellect of women.

Tesla goes on to predict "the acquisition of new fields of endeavor by women" and "their gradual usurpation of leadership" as the inevitable result of that previously repressed potential, newly uncorked by the interconnectivity and educational empowerment that wireless technology would make possible:

Through countless generations, from the very beginning, the social subservience of women resulted naturally in the partial atrophy or at least the hereditary suspension of mental qualities which we now know the female sex to be endowed with no less than men. 

But the female mind has demonstrated a capacity for all the mental acquirements and achievements of men, and as generations ensue that capacity will be expanded; the average woman will be as well educated as the average man, and then better educated, for the dormant faculties of her brain will be stimulated to an activity that will be all the more intense and powerful because of centuries of repose. Woman will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress

Tesla: Man Out of Time is a fascinating read in its entirety.

Being Silly is being a good role model for grandchildren

We were walking after Supper and my friend said to be, I love being silly with my grand kids and when I travel,  but my wife wants me to tone my being silly down. He then went on to say that as his grandchildren grew he perhaps should act more "grown-up". 

I replied that what we need more of in the world is being silly and not taking ourselves too seriously. I said that his grandchildren will have others that will want them to act their age. I said that they need a role model in their lives that shows them it is all right to have fun and to be spontaneous and to enjoy life and that being "silly'" is acceptable.

I hope that I never outgrow the joy I have when I act "silly" with my friends or my grandson. It has taken me 65 years to get back to this stage in life where I can be "silly" without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. I may make others feel embarrassed but, in my mind, that is their problem. 

Life is fun and we need to set good examples for our grandchildren. So as Boomers we need to learn to play and to be as excited about life as when we were four years old.

Social situations, some tips for the shy

Social situations are among the most important in our lives. Yet, there is a huge chance that you are oblivious to the plethora of unwritten social rules that structure everybody’s behaviour. 

Failing to comply to these cultural imprints can cause irreversible damage. Just following them blindly will not get you ahead. However, if you use some of these you may get better results when dealing with other people

1) Assume comfort in any interaction.

Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. Our relationship with it, is a love-hate one. We think we have control over it but usually something unconscious dictates our actions.

In most of our social interactions, we find it difficult to feel comfortable among strangers because our brain tries to protect us from exposure.

This however isn't helping us when trying to be social and meet new people, is it?

This is why assuming comfort is so powerful. Commanding your brain to feel that you already know the person you are about to meet puts you in a position of advantage. It increases the chances of people showing interest in you and consequently even liking you.

2) Pay attention to people’s feet when you are approaching them.

Interrupting people when they are in the middle of an important conversation is one of the most annoying things to do. It shows that you have zero knowledge of social dynamics which will lead to unpleasant social situations.

When you approach a group of people while in a conversation, pay attention to their bodies. If they turn only their torsos and not their feet, it means they are in the middle of an important conversation and they don’t want you to interrupt them.

If they turn both torso and feet, it means you are welcome. This is extremely important, because the right timing in such situations may put you in a position of advantage, especially if the conversation was boring for both sides.

3) Whenever you have an argument with someone, stand next to them and not in front of them.

We’ve all been in situations where out of nowhere the conversation started escalating.

Unless you love drama, I would suggest you to avoid these situations. You might have the best argument in the world, but usually people get irritated when they feel they are wrong.

So, whenever you feel that the argument you have with another person (especially friends – it’s not cool to fight with friends) creates tension, move next to them. You won’t appear much of a threat, and they will eventually calm down.

4) Whenever you need a favour, open with “I need your help.”

Admit it. We all love to get others to do stuff for us. Either because we are lazy, or because we really need some help to complete a task.

Social dynamics show that when it comes to platonic relationships, nobody really likes an asshole. So whenever you need a favour, start your sentence with “I need your help.”

In most cases, people will accept your request and help you out. This occurs because we don’t really like the guilt of not helping someone out and we do like to be the one who is capable of helping.

 5) If you want people to feel good, give them validation. Rephrase what they just told you.

We love validation. Most of our actions are the outcome of our need for validation. So what is the best way to get people to like you? Give them what they need of course. A simple example, is when you are in a conversation with another person and he says something really important for him. After he finishes, rephrase what he just said in your own words. This will make him think that you are a good listener and that you are really interested in him. It makes him feel he is the centre of attention. That’s validation right there.

6) If you want to get a positive response from someone, nod while you talk.

This one is extremely powerful and also a bit manipulative especially if the person is suggestive. So use it with your own responsibility and in an ethical way. Getting a positive response from someone is usually what we want. Whether it is making a sale, or promoting a viewpoint, we always want people to get on board. Nodding while you try to deliver your message is a powerful way to get the person to agree with you. People usually like mimicking, so they will most probably nod back while you talk. This will subsequently communicate to their brains that they have to agree with you.

7) Want to see if someone is paying attention to what you are saying?  Fold your arms.

Usually when we are in the middle of a conversation and especially if we talk about something very important to us, we get lost in our talking and rarely pay attention to whether the other person is following or not. So instead of losing time talking to a person who is distracted and might not even be interested in what you are saying, do this. Fold your arms while talking and see if the other person follows your move. If the other person is observing you and pays attention, they will most likely mimic you.

8) Having trouble remembering names? Repeat the other person’s name during the conversation.

I suck at remembering names. I usually don’t even listen to the other person when he says his name the moment we get introduced to each other. So usually, I ask a friend to introduce himself to the person so I can listen to his name. Then I forget it again. Awkward. Remembering names is very important because we feel important when someone mentions us. So the moment you meet someone repeat his name. Example: “Hi my name is Alex” “Nice to meet you Alex. So, Alex how do you know John?” And continue to repeat his name throughout the conversation.

9) If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer, just wait. They will keep talking.

This is a very common situation when you don’t know the other person that well or your question wasn’t clear enough. If they finish the answer without providing a full answer, just wait. Stay silent and keep eye contact. If the tension becomes unbearable, raise your eyebrows. It puts a bit of pressure on them but it communicates that you show interest. It also sub-communicates that you are a person that usually gets what he wants.

10) People usually focus on the emotion and not on the subject.

This is very useful in public speaking but also in building rapport with an acquaintance. Whenever you introduce yourself to new people, most probably they have already heard what you are about to say. Well that’s not a problem. Even if you want to talk about the most boring topic in the world, make sure of one thing: Always try to evoke emotions. From my experience the 3 emotions that you want to evoke are: 
• Excitement 
• Laughter: Everyone likes to laugh 
• Intrigue: Leave a little mystery so the other person has to invest energy to hear more. 

Don’t be purposely distant, but avoid verbal diarrhea.

There are many techniques to turn a boring conversation into an exciting and intriguing one, but here are a couple:

• Pause: A lot of the time when we want to keep someone’s attention, we tend to talk really fast, but this sub communicates neediness and nervousness. A well-placed pause can create tension that makes your words have more gravitas.
• Tone and Inflection: No one finds monotone exciting. Switch up your tone of voice from deep for declarative statements, to high inflection when you want to leave them guessing.
• Paint pictures and compose symphonies in their mind with sensory details: When telling a story, take the person you’re talking to on an emotional journey by describing the colours, sounds, textures, tastes, smells, and how they made you feel. This will cause their mirror-neurons to fire off, making it easier for them to imagine actually being there with you.

So if you want to be memorable, focus on the emotion behind the words. People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel.

11) Confidence is more important than knowledge.

Two young candidates walked into the interview office to apply for the same job. The first one had a Phd, two Masters and a Bachelor’s degree. The second one had just a Bachelor. The first one was kind of shy, didn’t talk much, his body language was turned inward. The second one had an upright posture, was looking the interviewers directly in the eyes, showed a lot of interest in the job and his answers where emitting confidence. We don’t have to tell you who got the job.

12) Fake it until you make it.

No one became an expert on anything over night. However, the learning process in everything you do is accelerated by commanding your brain to think what you want it to think. In simple words. You are what you believe you are. • You are confident if you believe you are confident • You are attractive if you believe you are attractive • You are extrovert if you believe you are extrovert

13) Pose in a Power Stance.

This is similar to the previous point, but more concrete than a mantra or belief. Go stand in the mirror, put your hands on your hips, thrust your pelvic forward, pull your shoulders up, back and down, open your chest, tilt your head up, and force the biggest smile you can possibly manage to fit across your face. Even if you consciously know you’re just faking it, your brain can’t tell the difference, and will release endorphins to match your body position. This can feel silly, but it really works.

14) If you want to be persuasive, try and reduce the use of the words “I think” and “I believe.”

I don’t really feel the need to elaborate on this one. Obviously these words do not evoke confidence and the other person will most probably not take you seriously. Change them to ‘I know’ and ‘I will’ instead.

15) A clean and organised environment affects your mood, productivity, and others perception of who you are.

How many times have you waken up without any motivation at all? How many times have you started working on something without being able to get focused and inspired? Next time this happens, take a look around you. Is your environment clean and well-organized? If not, take some minutes to clean it up and put everything into place. You will feel refreshed and reborn and productivity will spark immediately. But not only that, you will come across as caring and punctual, two highly esteemed traits. Why do think most of the big companies pay so much attention to creating the best working environment for their employees? They know what makes them happy and how it affects their productivity.

16) Want to find out which people are close to each other within a group and who is perceived as the leader?

Pay attention to who is looking at each other when everyone in the group laughs at a joke. People instinctively look at and agree with the person they feel closest to within the group.

17) Whenever you call a person you want to meet, show excitement!

Always have this in mind. Excitement is contagious. Why do you think the music video from Pharrell Williams – “Happy” got so many views and so many people were talking about it?

People love excitement! It is like an escape from their boring lives. Never forget that.

(You can mirror this and show disappointment if somebody let’s you down, making them painfully aware of their hurtful actions.)

18) Want to build rapport and gain respect? Match body language.

This is quite a common topic among body language experts and works well if you want to gain respect from a person that has high value.

Example:

You are in a social situation where a person has higher value among others within the group. He is the centre of attention and he totally enjoys it. How do you match his value? By befriending him!

If you want his respect and attention the best thing to do when you approach him is to match his body language and speaking patterns. If he has open body language and he talks with excitement and joy, don’t go there with crossed arms and with an attitude of negating his words.

Approach him with the same amount of excitement and show openness and interest.

19) When someone insults you, either ignore him or mock him. Never lose temper. Always control the frame.

Haters are everywhere. The more you feed them with hate, the stronger they become. Never lose your temper. This is a great example of how to deal with a hater. Enjoy!

19) Stand up straight, have warm hands and always keep eye contact.

• Keep a straight posture and walk like a born leader. This sub-communicates confidence and others will respect you automatically.
• Keep your hands out of your pockets. If you don’t know what to do with them, it is better to fold your arms rather than keep them inside your pockets.
• Keep your hands warm. If you have a warm hand when you shake somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with. Secret Tip – wash your hands with warm water often to keep them warm or take cold showers.
• You have heard this a thousand times. Here is the 1001st. – never lose eye contact! Losing eye contact is like losing your confidence. One cool trick when first meeting someone is to focus on their eye colour and smile at the same time. The eyes are the gateway to the soul, and taking the extra second to gaze shows you are confident and present. (Be sure to move your eyes away periodically, a constant stare will creep people out.)

20) The Benjamin Franklin Effect.

The Ben Franklin effect is a psychological finding:

A person who has done someone a favour is more likely to do that person another favor than they would be if they had received a favour from that person. Similarly, one who harms another is more willing to harm them again than the victim is to retaliate.

This is an unbelievable finding. In social situations, you can hack this by making someone do something small for you, then asking for your true favour. It’s such a small favor that they will say yes, and due to cognitive dissonance their brain will rationalize that they must like you enough to do you a favour in the first place. This is also called the foot-in-the-door effect.

21) Don’t be afraid to touch another person.

Touching someone on the shoulder or their knees creates an emotional and physical bond. Especially during moments of joy, laughter and excitement touching positively reinforces these traits. If you’re uncomfortable with touching, remember to fake it until you make it.

22) Use the door-in-the-face hack.

The opposite of foot-in-the-door. Make an unreasonably large request that will most likely be turned down (but if it isn't then that’s even better!), and follow up with your true intended, more reasonable request. The other person will be more likely to agree to the second request.

23) Always frame a request as a choice.
No one likes to feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to do. By subtlety rephrasing a request, you can make the person feel like they came to the decision on their own terms.

Homeless people who say things like, “it’s up to you if you want to donate or not” end up making more money than those who simply ask for money. The same is generally true for bands that offer “pay what you want” payment structures for their music. They know you can easily download their music for free off the internet, so they encourage you to pay what you feel is right.

A slightly more aggressive technique is the assumptive close:

This is a classic sales technique that can be used in any social situation. Instead of asking for permission, “do you want to donate/go on a date/get something to eat” assume that the person already does. Of course, you can’t just force someone to do something, but a leading question can nudge them in the right direction: “Would you like to donate 5 dollars or 10 dollars?”

Now instead of simply saying yes or no, they have to actively deny your request and feel like a naysayer.

24) If you work in a bar or in customer service of any kind…

Put a mirror behind you at the counter. When an angry customer approaches you, he will have to see himself in the mirror and will most probably calm down. Nobody likes ruining his image.

25) Chew gum if you are nervous.

Evolutionarily speaking, our brains assume that if we are eating then we aren’t in any immediate danger, so the fight or flight response is weakened.

For more information here is the Source:

Thoughts on Happiness

On this beautiful Sunday in July, here are some thoughts on happiness:

 John Milton so beautifully stated: "The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell and a Hell of Heaven." 

John Homer Miller acknowledged: "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." 

Helen Keller is famous for these words of wisdom: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

Aristotle was a Greek writer and philosopher (384 - 322BC). Here are two great quotes of his: "Happiness depends upon ourselves." And: "To live happily is an inward power of the soul." 

Democritus (460-370 BC), declared: "Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold, the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul." 

Epictetus a Greek philosopher (55 - 135) and a favorite of mine authentically said: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."

Sharon Salzberg advises us: "It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on." 

Jim Thomson resolutely states: "I can only think of one thing greater than being happy and that is to help another to be happy, too."

Robert Browning proclaimed: "Oh, make us happy and you make us good. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) pronounced: "When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy." 

Bulwer has advised us: "Happiness and virtue rest upon each other; the best are not only the happiest, but the happiest are usually the best."

John Templeton instructs us by stating: "Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, not material wealth... Happiness comes from giving, not getting. If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it."

A new day

Behold, a new Saturday a day... with rainbows, sunshine, and blue skies. New players, rebounds, and recoveries. Abundance, health, and harmony. Just like you've been picturing them, right?

Right?! 

Please tell me you've been picturing them!! 

It takes so little and you get so much back

A Penny for your dreams

“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.”~Ralph Waldo Emerson

You are the engine that fuels your dreams into reality—your participation is paramount

Job satisfaction

It's funny don't you think, that when we link job satisfaction to financial compensation alone, we are never paid enough.

Yet, when we see "work" as a way to dance with life, meet new people, and unleash the creative tiger within, we realize that we are very rich, indeed. 

Counting stars

Whoohooo!! Stayed up all night counting the stars!! 

Please don't be alarmed as you walk down the path of life, should you ever find you suddenly don't have the foggiest idea of how your grandest dreams will one day come to pass. 

This is a good thing. A really good thing.  

Know why? Because the only constant in life is change, and if you are in touch with that idea, not knowing how your dreams will come true means that you will have to change. Great eh!

Say yes to life

You can have what you want,  if you brave and face what you fear and do what you can to face your fear..  

Being brave is not easy, but doing what you can for yourself is easy. I was travelling and met a young woman that I had worked with a few years ago and I asked her how she was doing. Her reply made me think.

She had just returned from a safari with her daughter--a trip of a lifetime and she was full of life and excited about the trip and she told me some of her adventures. After a few minutes she also said that she had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had two operations before she went on her trip. She talked about her battles to get her Dr. to take her seriously and how once she won that battle how fast she had been treated. 

She was worried about her husband who she said did not know how to deal with her situation, he like most men wanted to fix the problem, but could not and so he had retreated into work. 

She said he was angry at he system for taking so long to diagnose her and she was a bit disappointed with the Cancer Agency because once she was given the news, she was left on her own, no counselling, no support until she saw her surgeon, which took six months.

After the visit to the surgeon she was offered counselling, support and all the resources she needed. However as she explained that for that six months wait to see the surgeon and she felt alone and with no support except for one friend who had gone through the process.

So after the surgery she had decided to take the safari with her daughter, because she was heading back to more treatment and she also said that they thought she might have bladder cancer or cancer of the kidneys. The bottom line was that her cancer was spreading. 

She could have been sad or depressed but she was not she was looking forward to saying yes to life, she was sure that she would beat the cancer and was looking forward to seeing her daughter graduate from high school next year and taking her on another trip. 

She did not see herself as brave, she was doing what  she needed to do for herself; she was afraid but she was doing what she had to do without complaint and without pointing fingers or blaming others, she is brave.

So what are you doing for yourself to say yes to life?

Do people live up to your standards?

The only person who should ever have to live by your standards is you.

Let everyone else off the hook. Besides, it's doubtful they've lived as much, dreamed as big, or will ever have your savoir faire. 

How to influence and persuade

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http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/236497

Looking back

“There is the risk you cannot afford to take, and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.”~Peter Drucker

  

At my age I would rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't, wouldn't you?

Thoughts

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, and I think all of us can agree with the sentiment in the quote.  

Beginning is the hardest part of making a change. Brian Tracy has been quoted as saying that people should "Think continually in terms of the rewards of success rather than the penalties of failure." Doing this will make it easier to start on whatever project you have been putting off. 

We put off starting projects of change but when we complete the project we claim victory and are uplifted. But sometimes we forget that it's one kind of victory to slay a beast, move a mountain, and cross
a chasm, but it's another kind altogether to realize that the beast, the mountain, and the chasm were of your own design. Which victory have you celebrated lately

Final thought: the next time you feel really hurt, really angry, or really, really upset, and you're sure that even I have been violated, shaken, and humbled, quick, check and see if the sky is any less blue, the sun any less radiant, the birds have stopped singing, or the flowers have lost their scent.

I'll wager you'll find that life has gone on much as before. Too consumed by the powers of now and the inevitabilities of love, understanding, and eternal life to have even missed a beat.

Happiness is ...

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it." William Feather

On the adventure of life there are no "brownie points" earned for suffering, sacrifice, or tears. Nor for anguish, altruism, or selflessness. In fact, you don't even get any for generosity, gratitude, or compassion.

In time and space there are no "brownie points," period.

Might as well just do what makes you happy

45 life lessons

I received another email with some self help advice from one of the newsletters that I read. The writer stated that the advice was written by a 93 year old. While the advice is good the author is not 93 she is much younger, it is a shame that the author of the email sent to me thought the advice would not be as believable if it was from a person in their 50's. Good advice is good advice no matter the age of the person giving you the advice. Enjoy the advice. 

The author is  Regina Brett who is  a columnist for The Plain Dealer, she is not 90 years old. She is only 58 as of May, 2014!  Check out her website for the rest of the story.  Turns out that someone converted her age "50" to "90" in the e-mail.  Her original column was published May 28, 2006, when she really did turn 50!  I "Googled" "Regina Brett The Plain Dealer" for the "rest of the story."

Regina introduces her column by saying that on Sunday, May 28, 2006, "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.  It is the most-requested column I've ever written.  My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here is an update -- Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on.”  Here is the original column. 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone.  It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God -- He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't worry -- God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for pity parties.  Get busy living -- or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes.  If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood -- but the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take "no" for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie -- don't save it for a special occasion.  TODAY is special!
22. Over-prepare -- then "go with the flow."
23. Be eccentric now.  Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything -- give time -- time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles. 
34. God loves you because of who God is -- not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood -- make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms.  They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
47. Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow -- but it's still a gift.

It Couldn’t Be Done

 I received an email the other day and the author of the email, referred to this quote:

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” Henry Ford

I thought it an interesting one and I have seen it many times in many motivational blogs, in emails and articles from many of self-help gurus, and those suggesting ways for us to self improve or self motivate. 

Did you know this quote is not from Henry Ford but from  a poem written by someone else. The Poem is below: 

Thinking
If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don't,
If you like to win, but you think you can't
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow's will
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

The version given is the earliest recorded version and is taken from a publication of 1905 for the Unity Tract Society, Unity School of Christianity. Note the similarities to another poem written in 1917 by Edgar Albert Guest
It Couldn’t Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
    But, he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn’t," but he would be one
    Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
    On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
    That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you’ll never do that;
    At least no one has done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
    And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
    Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
    That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
    There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
    The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle it in with a bit of a grin,
    Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
    That "couldn’t be done," and you’ll do it.

How long does it take to create a habit?

When he became interested in how long it takes for us to form or change a habit, psychologist Jeremy Dean found himself bombarded with the same magic answer from popular psychology websites and advice columns: 21 days. But that one size formula is not correct.

 Dean, whose training is in research, explores the actual science of habits through the existing empirical evidence on habit-formation. He cites one influential study that gives a more concrete answer to the elusive question of how long it takes for a new habit to take root:

In a study carried out at University College London, 96 participants were asked to choose an everyday behavior that they wanted to turn into a habit. They all chose something they didn't already do that could be repeated every day; many were health-related: people chose things like "eating a piece of fruit with lunch" and "running for 15 minutes after dinner." Each of the 84 days of the study, they logged into a website and reported whether or not they'd carried out the behavior, as well as how automatic the behavior had felt.

How long did it actually take for people to form a habit? Dean writes:

The simple answer is that, on average, across the participants who provided enough data, it took 66 days until a habit was formed. As you might imagine, there was considerable variation in how long habits took to form depending on what people tried to do. 

What's more, when researchers plotted the results, they found a curved relationship between habit and automaticity – meaning that the earlier repetitions were most beneficial for establishing a habit, and gains gradually dwindled over time. Dean explains:

It's like trying to run up a hill that starts out steep and gradually levels off. At the start you're making great progress upwards, but the closer you get to the peak, the smaller the gains in altitude with each step.

Indeed, the slowing down of gains was especially pronounced among some participants, to whom habit-formation simply didn't seem to come naturally – so much so, that the researchers were surprised by how slowly some habits seemed to form:

Although the study only covered 84 days, by extrapolating the curves, it turned out that some of the habits could have taken around 254 days to form – the better part of a year!

What this research suggests is that 21 days to form a habit is probably right, as long as all you want to do is drink a glass of water after breakfast. Anything harder is likely to take longer to become a really strong habit, and, in the case of some activities, much longer.

While the finding may at first appear disheartening, it's actually oddly assuring in reminding us that habit, like genius, is merely a matter of doggedness and "deliberate practice" – in fact, this brings us to the lesser-cited yet pivotal second half of Aristotle's famous dictum:"Excellence … is not an act but a habit." 

Questions that are worth asking yourself

The process of figuring out what we want to do when we grow up lasts our whole life long. That's partly because building a career is something you should (and enjoy) over time, and partly because it's so easy to get lost along the way. No matter where you are in your work journey, it's a good idea to check in from time to time, to see if you're still heading in the right direction.

Andrea Balt of Rebelle Society recently published an amazing post on the questions we should be asking ourselves, in order to make sure we're living life to the fullest. "30 Questions to Ask Before You Die" is worth a read in its entirety, whether or not you're currently having any sort of life or career crisis. But even if your bucket list is sufficiently buffed and polished, it's worth pondering these career-related questions:

1. What do you love doing that you're not doing right now?

"Furthermore, how could you get paid for doing what you love?" Balt asks. "Let's brainstorm. It's your right to be alive every second of the day. You're not supposed to spend 8 hours in chains and the remaining 4 getting high on mental and physical distraction to cope with the depression of not doing what you should, what you want, what you need to be doing."

If you're like most responsible adults, this will seem revolutionary, almost scandalous. Do what we love? The idea! But as long as we're not walking off our jobs without a plan or cashing out our 401ks to move to an island, it's a perfectly valid question. It's hard to recognize the opportunity to make a change if we never think about what we'd like to be doing.

2. Where do you want to live?

This question is almost more about people than about place. Do you have opportunities where you are, both to develop the kind of career you want to have and to be surrounded by the kinds of people who understand your goals?

3. What's your motivation?

There's no right or wrong answer. You might be motivated by money or art or the ability to play video games for an hour a day. Whatever your priorities are, it's important to be honest about them, especially with yourself.

4. What kind of life would make you jealous?

Don't let yourself be limited by fear or artificial ideas about when you're supposed to do X, Y, and Z. If you had to start over again, what would you do?

5. What are you most proud of, so far?

Stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate everything you've done so far. Think about why those accomplishments are so important to you. Let yourself be proud.

The above was written by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt, for PayScale and was published on Jul 28, 2013

Motivation and Spark needed

Motivation is the spark everyone needs to make it throughout the day, to set and meet goals, and more. Without motivation you will fail.  When you have apathy toward something you are not motivated because you couldn't care either way.  This is the worst attitude you can have because it isn't negative either. 

Someone who feels this way isn't capable of achieving anything because they don’t care if they do or not.  If you are feeling this way this e-book is exactly what you need to help you overcome your attitude and begin feeling motivated again.

When you know how to remain motivated with yourself you can also help others because your attitude will be contagious.  When you practice daily motivational techniques eventually they will come to you naturally. At first some of these methods may be difficult for you to do or to remember.  It will take time for you to begin to naturally practice and follow these techniques.

When thinking about motivation the first thing you need to do is create your space around you at work and at home.  This space needs to remain simple and positive.  The things around you have a lot to do with the way you feel and if you will be motivated or stuck in a funk.

A clean home and clean office space make a really big deal when you need motivation.  If you find yourself sitting in mounds of paperwork you might have the attitude you are never going to complete the things you need done.  A messy workspace can be frustrating and depressing.  It may cause you to procrastinate and even be disorganized with your thoughts as well as your work.

A messy and dirty home can be depressing and disabling.  Many people will sit around procrastinating for hours in a messy home.  It is amazing how good a clean home can make you feel.  The best thing you can do is clean up your home.  You will feel great and ready to take on anything.  Get rid of those clothes which have been sitting in the closet for years that you haven’t worn once.  Clean out the mess in the shed and the garage.  Don’t just wipe down the counters and do the dishes.  Clean house means create a new space that is positive and ready for the new to come into your home.  Get rid of all of the old.

The space you spend your time in includes your car, home, and the office space you work in.  It has a lot to do with the way you feel and the attitude you have when you wake up in the morning.  Clean up the spaces you live in and make a positive atmosphere for you to enjoy and want to have a good day.  You will finally see the goals as achievable rather than sit around thinking about them.

Hanging out with positive people is one of the best ways to be motivated.  You should talk to someone positive at least once a day.  Many of the ways you can have a positive encounter with people include in person, over the phone, and over the computer.  Try to make this a habit on a daily basis.

The most common way you can have an encounter with someone on a daily basis is to talk to people.  You should have regular encounters with positive people.  The best way to start your day is to have coffee every morning with a positive person.  If you live near your best friend who is a coffee drinker then you can plan to leave for work earlier everyday and have coffee at their house or have them come over.  This is an excellent way to start your day and put you in a great mood for work. 

If you are often not motivated to begin new projects or to take on new things you should increase your learning.  You don’t have to be an avid reader and take on novels but you should read.  Reading is good for the brain and it is stimulating for the mind.  Continuously learning new things will help you become open to take on things you didn't think you could do before.

Reading is not the only thing you can do to continuously be learning.  If you don’t have time to read or if you don’t like to read there are other ways you can learn.  Many people who have long commutes often listen to audio CD’s.  Some people learn a different language or listen to a novel.  There are many different things you can listen to any time of day.

Positive thinking is key to your entire lifestyle.  If you want to achieve a goal you must be positive.  Positive thinking can be achieved in so many ways and it is what will help you become motivated to do things in your life.  If you are negative about achieving a goal you will procrastinate and not want to work toward the goal.  There are many ways you can maintain a positive attitude

Look at the big picture

When you are stressed about whatever is going on, and in the depths of February, it is difficult to think that Spring is only a few weeks away, try some of the things on this list to help lift your spirits.

1. Look at the big picture of your life.
2. Laugh at your fear.
3. Make up your mind to change.
4. Confide in someone close to you.
5. Tell your fear who’s boss.
6. Recall happier times.
7. Live one happy day at a time.
8. Choose a peaceful point of view.
9. Live with a consciousness of love.
10. Choose  unconflicted energy.
11. Cherish the relationships you have.
12. Know that most things aren’t as serious as you make them out to be.
13. Know that you can manage even when difficult things happen.
14. Believe you have the talents and resources you need to succeed.
15. Remind yourself of your positive options.
16. Support, encourage, and believe in yourself.
17. Remind yourself that the world is full of endless opportunities.
18. Remind yourself that you are a strong and wise person.
19. Remember a small shift in perception can change your day.
20. Refer back to this list when you’re depressed, worried, in a bad mood or just plain grumpy.. Remember there is always another option when you are feeling, doubtful, or worried