The sadness of goodbyes

I started feeling sad about leaving about a week before we had to leave Australia, but I forced the emotion out of my mind. I was grieving for the upcoming loss, but failed to recognize the signs and put the emotions on hold. Because, there were still lots of fun things to do and time to enjoy my daughter, and my grandson. However, because all of us were in pain about saying goodbye and I refused to acknowledge and deal with the raw emotions that goodbyes can bring, the tension had to find a release.   I was leading my children by example and it was not a good example Sometimes  what we do as parents, not what we say, is more important at any age. A lesson I had forgotten but was thankful to learn it again.

I found myself in a terrible fight with my daughter and words were said that were hurtful and were untrue. I had allowed myself an error of judgement and it ended in a dramatic fight, which was uncomfortable for all those around us. I realized that I had made the problem worse and I upon reflection, I tried to put myself in my daughters place.

When I did I realized that she was just as sad as I was and she was dealing with the impending goodbyes exactly like I was. Once I came to this realization, I took steps to apologize; deal with the pain of the goodbye and by my doing so, allowed my daughter to do the same.   My daughter and I made our peace and were then able to deal with the pain of saying goodbye and moving on to the next adventure

Do we speak the same language?

English is not simple even for those of us who are native speakers even though (in this case) one of us was from Canada and one of us from Australia. 

We were talking about communication and I relayed the following story. 

 I was at the counter, the server was busy at the back, and she asked me to wait a few minutes. In Australia the response to this kind of request is usually “No worries”, in Canada the response is slightly different and I responded “Not a problem”. Wrong response, when she was finished the work she were doing the woman came over to me and very aggressively said to me” What is your problem then?” I realized I had made a mistake and quickly said,” have no problem, it’s a Canadian response similar to your No worries.” She looked at me and laughed and said “Your from Canada then?” The atmosphere changed and she took my order even though the kitchen had just shut down. 

My friend said, “Rob (her husband) almost was in a fight because of lack of communication.” It turned out that Rob was in a discussion with a customer whose position he could not understand, so Rob said to him “I don’t know where you are coming from” but before he could say anything more the man started yelling about Rob being prejudiced and not liking where the man was born and the words became very heated. I understood what Rob was saying as would most of us who grew up using similar idioms and slang—Rob was saying to the man, I do not understand your position on this subject. The issue did not go away although Rob did lose the sale as the issue became more about perceived prejudice rather than misunderstanding of one’s position.

.Small things make for big understandings, so I think it is important to listen and not react too quickly to what you hear. What was said, may not have been what was meant

Life Lessons

1. Keep trying

It is important not to give up on the first try when attempting something new. You may have to try something more than three or four maybe five times before you get it right. The 10,000 hour rule states that if you want to be expert in anything, you have to practice it/perform it do it for 10,000 hours. At the beginning of the journey to be an expert, you will most likely get it wrong. Persistence and creativity by trying different approaches work even with the most difficult things.  If you keep trying, you’ll eventually get where you’re going.

2. You know the answer to the question if you look deep inside yourself.

As a teacher I found students rarely asked me direct questions. I learned that it was easier for me to teach the student how to ask the questions rather than give them the answer. Usually I found that the answer was known to the student. A Chinese proverb said, “Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.”

There is an old Taoist saying, “In making a four corner table, the teacher shows the student how to make one corner. It’s the student’s job to figure out how to make the other three.”

In life, the world doesn’t give us all the answers. The greatest teacher is inside of us.

3. Real wisdom in life comes from doing something, failing and learning from the failure.

I am leaning to meditate and I am running into several problems. One of which is staying focused for more than a few minutes, so rather than giving up; I am staying focused for a few minute and then adding time each day. When we struggle, we learn about ourselves and what we need to do to become stronger. In the words of Thomas Edison “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

 4. Recognize the egotistical mindset is dangerous to your health

Everything in the ego’s world is the result of comparing. When we are consistently making these comparisons we may get dejected and we give up. Separate from the part of yourselves that dwells on comparisons, and start learning to live a life that isn’t driven by egos.

5. We must be both compassionate and resilient.

When students ask me to do something, that they tell me is important to them, I usually don’t do it the first time or I will give them a task to do that shows me they are truly interested in achieving a result. If the student asks again or completes the task then I will consider working to help them achieve their goal. Many people want you to take responsibility when they should be taking the first steps. There’s a Taoist proverb that says, “Cotton on the outside, steel on the inside.” It reminds us to be compassionate, but not weak.

6. Patience is a virtue. Patience is the gift of inner calm. I need not know the entire journey in order to take one step

7. Understand your ego

It’s the enemy within that causes most of our fears, worries, and insecurities. If you come to terms with this enemy within, it will impact every area of your life. It’s the identification with the insecurity and fears that we refuse to acknowledge that causes some of our  problems.

How many times do we not go for something because of fear? Think about all the fears that we have conjured up in our minds that stop us from being truly happy. If you can conquer the enemy within yourself, you won’t have an enemy outside yourself.

8. Happiness come from within, and also comes from outside.

If we cultivate happiness from within, and work to spread it around to everyone we interact with we will be happier I believe that  everyone has a purpose or a mission in life. We have to find happiness within, so we can find our purpose for being.

Family

 My daughter, her partner and my grandson live in an Area of Australia that is undergoing a heat wave and a spate of bush and grass fires. When we were in Australia, the heat was not extreme, and the fire danger was not high in her area. Since we returned home the area she lives in has been in a high fire danger zone and we are very worried. Worried but not concerned as I have every faith in their plan and their access to information about the fire danger.

A couple of days ago, my daughter phoned to say that they may have to evacuate their home because of the fires burning close to them. The fire was between them and the nearest town and the only place for them to go was up to the mountain. I looked on the CFA the Australian Country Fire Authority website and saw that the fire was large and they were on a  Watch and Act warning. 

As a parent and as a grandfather, my heart was in my boots, I knew I could do nothing, and the feelings of helplessness are not ones that I like. So we waited and within a day one of the fires had been contained, so my daughter did not have to leave her home. I was relieved but as the summer heat intensifies in Australia and the extreme heat continues, I will be kept on alert and will be checking in with the website every few days, rather than worry her with my concerns.

Climate change is a fact of life and with it comes more extreme weather, the science is clear, but because of politics and vested interests we are not moving as quickly to counter the issue, which I find sad and frustrating. My daughter and her friends in Australia, do not believe in Global warming and deny that it exists, and this belief is a strong one in Australia, and in the minds of some of our political leaders in Canada.

I hope that the summer heat gives way and that the area my daughter lives in is given some relief and that she and all of the people in Australia affected by the heat are and continue to be ok.

Create a Millionaire mindset 3

Rule 6 – Listen To Your Hunches
While you are on your journey of creating the life you desire and acquiring your millionaire mindset, you must learn to listen out for your hunches. These are coming from your subconscious mind. 

As you focus more and more on your dream and designing it, you will be subtly asking yourself questions about how you can get that element done or get past this step.

Your subconscious mind is listening; it goes out and finds the answers for you and it gives them to you at the best possible time. However, it is not the voice inside your mind. Your subconscious mind doesn’t speak to you, it serves you up feelings and hunches, or just plain gives you the answer as if from nowhere.
So you need to re-tune into your subconscious mind and learn to trust and follow your hunches…You will be surprised and amazed as to where they will take you.

"Successful people instinctively follow their gut feelings. Unsuccessful people have let others convince them that they cannot trust themselves."

Rule 7 – Go Deeper Into Your Design
While you are taking steps and following your hunches then there will be down times between the steps of you taking action. This is when your body needs to relax. What could be more relaxing than dreaming some more about your design.

So this is a perfect time to go and experience your design in greater detail wherever you are in life. Let’s say you are on the train or in a cab, or waiting at the supermarket checkout. These are now your times to go and day dream about the life you are taking steps now to create.

The teachers had it wrong by the way, daydreaming is an essential element. It is not the waste of time the teachers told you… Let me spell that out so that I get you to understand... Daydreaming is an E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L part of creating the life of your dreams.

So go deeper, let’s say one part of your dream included owning a Ferrari. Know what Ferrari it would be, the colour (red of course), the model, the engine size. Now if you are driving then why not imagine what it will feel like to be driving your Ferrari, the feel of the leather, the sounds of the engine. There is no depth limit here, you can go in and smell the fumes if you like, deploy your senses.

It’s going to feel pretty good when you are in this part of your design, however, this is like a reward for you. It is for the down time in between you working diligently on your current job and in between you taking the steps required to bring your design into reality.

These are the basic steps to cultivating and creating the millionaire mindset. This is the mindset where you just know you will do it.

When you have cultivated it in your mind first and you have attained the feeling of being compelled to act, you will have total self confidence that this will work. And if low self esteem and a lack of confidence have been your issue with not following your dreams then these steps will see you over these hurdles.

Create a Millionaire mindset 2

Rule 4 – Wait To Feel Compelled To Act

All creation is done in your mind first. Once you have conceived the idea; conceived the thoughts of how you could get there and provided plenty of different options to get there. And when you have also experienced feeling grateful for getting there, then you have had your dream…

When you get to this stage you will know it because you will at some point (time doesn’t matter, I don’t know when) feel COMPELLED to act. This feeling will come over you and you will want nothing more than to get on with it.
This is like sticking nitrous oxide in the fuel mixture… You are going to move forward in ways that will surprise even you, that’s if you wait for this feeling. If you want the feeling to happen sooner, just spend more time designing your goal in your mind. Designing the steps to get there and feeling grateful for being there.

Action steps are all about bringing into reality that which you have already had in your mind. You are the Architect, once the dream has been fully designed so that you can see it in your life in every detail then it is time to bring it into reality. And you will know this because the feeling will magically propel you forward.
Rule 5 – Focus On The Step You Are On
You will be compelled to act and you will know what you are to do. Some of your time will be spent on creating your dream and the remainder will be on living with where you are now and completing the job you are in now.

Now this step is of vital importance to remember if you want to not only get but hold onto the millionaire mindset. You must focus on what you are doing 100% and do it to the very best of your ability when you are focusing on it.

What I mean by that is obvious for your dream, but most who fail do not realise that it must also be true for the job you are at now. You must become excellent at that too while you are still there.

Take a very workman style approach to it, do you current job to 100% of what is needed and enjoy it as much as you possibly can while you are doing it. You should enjoy it, whatever it is, as it is enabling you to go and spend the remainder of your time focusing on your dream and creating that.

Love where you are in life now. You can desire more and you can demand more and go and create more, but be happy and safe in the knowledge that you are cultivating your millionaire mindset, and one second after finishing your current work you are switching and focusing on creating your dream.

Create a Millionaire mindset 1

Source:

Rule 1 – Know What You Want

The rule virtually every unsuccessful person breaks… this is the primary reason for their failure to succeed... is that they don’t know what they want. They know they need to know this but they just don’t ever quite get round to figuring it out.
Or they know they need it and then come up with some useless wishy washy example of what they want. Like, I want to be rich… Or as a successful person says… Useless!

This sort of wishy washy goal is 100% useless. You must have a targeted goal that you could tell someone what it was and they would be able to follow a route to it. Clear and conceivable.

Knowing what you want is the same as knowing you want to go to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC, USA on 4th July 2015… That is knowing what you want. Anyone can follow that direction, it is clear, it is conceivable.

Rule 2 – Focus on What You Want
Once you have your core dream sorted out and you know exactly what you want, you must first have had it in your mind. So you must go and experience having it at some point in the future. (Putting a time restraint on a dream is wrong – despite what the experts tell you, I just used that previous example to explain a point.)

You must experience what your life will be like to have had your dream. You keep doing this until you have had it and seen it in so much detail that it becomes something that is now likely to happen.

Then you focus on possible routes for you to get there. You provide your mind with stepping stones and lots of them at each step. What I mean by this is you give your mind possible options that it could take to get you to your goal. You are providing your mind with ways to conceive you could actually do it. The stepping stones start from where you are now.

As you go through this process, focusing on what you want and possible ways to get there. Eventually you will reach a point in your mind where you know that it is not possible for it not to happen, if you just start to take steps towards your dreams.

What you have done is created the dream and the possible steps to get there in your mind first. Now by focusing on your dream your subconscious mind can see possible ways to bring it into your reality.

"Successful people are considered strange people before they become known for their success. This is because they know what they want and are focusing on it."

Rule 3 – Be Grateful For Having Had Your Dream
When you are going through and applying Rule 2, you should naturally reach the point where you want to feel grateful for having had your dream. However, your mind will try and stop you at this point by telling you… “Well you haven’t had it yet have you, so what have you got to feel grateful for?”

This is the mindset of an unsuccessful person killing off their dreams. You see, your mind shows you a logical argument and normally the unsuccessful person would listen to that voice inside their head… This is why they are unsuccessful.

However, on this occasion look out for the feeling, the feeling of you wanting to feel grateful. This feeling isn’t lying to you, it is showing you what to do. Your mind is lying to you.

If you want to create the millionaire mindset then you have to get back to where you were when you were younger and life was simpler… You have to learn to trust your feelings again and learn to ignore your mind’s voice.

Musings in early January

The weather is early January west coast , and Spring is in its glory seems a long way off. The holidays are over, many of us are thinking about going back to work, more are dreaming of finding somewhere warm and cosy and safe. The weather outside is frightful, the fire is so delightful as the singer croons in the background.  We have had a variety of weather rain, snow, cold the last month or so. Sort of like the human psyche, where one minute we may feel warm and cosy about ourselves, and the next minute feel cold about who we are.

Our moods can shift like the wind and bring sparkling sunshne or cold clouds of gloom. Why does this happen? Like the weather, which depends on Fronts that move through the areas of land it crosses, our moods depend on how our beliefs move through our lives.

Can we control the weather? No, of course not.  But we can very definitely control how our beliefs affect our moods. It is a matter of  becoming aware of the cold, storm or warm fronts, or mood shifts coming over us. We have to become aware of when our mood shift happens.

Somthing caused the shift in mood. To ignore this 'something' is to keep yourself from discovering why the mood occurred. We can only make corrections in things that go on in our lives, when we know what caused the situation to occur.

So in the middle of the darkest time of the year, can we use the time to focus on understanding our own mood shifts, so even if we cannot control the weather, we can control our own moods and keep control in 2013.

Question of the day (2)

Question suggested by Constant Comment:

I always ask this because I'm always interested to find out what fiction and non-fiction books people would recommend. 

I love that so many of us are writers as well as voracious, intelligent readers. Thanks! Comments welcome

Change your life part 2

So here’s a simple technique to figuring it out:

1. Make a list of all your desires

That’s everything you desire… All holidays, all toys, all personal needs, all emotional needs… Everything you don’t have and everything you do have but you want more of. 

 2. Rank them 1 to 100%

Now go through them one at a time and rank them on a percentage basis. 100% = “I MUST have this in my life, it is what I want to do with my life.” Right down to 60%, “Yes I’d really like this in my life but if it didn’t happen then I’m ok with it.”

You probably won’t have any on there that are less than 60%. And not all of them will fit in the top 10%, as if they do, you’ll never get anywhere… So rank them appropriately.

Be careful not to give them a higher ranking because you think you should… Because, “What would someone else think?” This is not about someone else, it’s about you and you have to tell yourself the truth if you want this to work.

Spend some time doing this, it’s not painful as it’s you dreaming about your most pleasurable life. Imagine yourself as a child again dreaming about your ideal life and go and have some fun and do it… After all your current plan isn’t working is it, so it’s time for a new one.

 3. For now just focus on the 90 – 100% range.

Sift through and re-order your desires. Rank them highest at the top. For now you are going to focus only on the desires you have in the top 10%.

Go through each desire in turn. Start to feel what it would feel like to have each of these desires. Then re-rank them if the figure you’ve given them no longer feels right. Move them up or down, but let your feelings guide you only when you have managed to feel what it will feel like to feel having them.

Don’t worry, you are only dreaming at the moment, your ego has nothing to fear. I’m not asking you to go and create them, you are just dreaming as if you were a child again. And there is nothing to fear from dreaming.

Your ego may say something to you now like… “Yes but don’t get your hopes up…” or something similar… If you hear that sentence then you have come to the right place as that voice is not helping you live the life you want.

 4. Feel grateful

Feel grateful in turn for each of the desires in your top 10%.

Feel again what it would be like to have them and then feel grateful for having them. Get in touch with this feeling.

Spend enough time here feeling it so that when you think of your desire again you can switch this feeling on easily. You are creating a memory of how you felt to HAVE what you desire.

 5. Monitor your thoughts

As you do all of this, monitor your thoughts. If you feel like it write them down… Things like, ‘Well that’s never going to happen!’ Or ‘That’s just not realistic!’

Monitor these thoughts; get in touch with your feelings towards them. It is those thoughts and that voice saying them which is keeping you away from the life you desire.

That voice is not you by the way. That voice is the buildup of junk (the bugs) in your mind which has happened throughout your life and has created an entity which dwells in your mind 24/7.

You know it, as the voices that always fill up the silence in your mind, never giving you a moment’s peace… Well they come from this entity. This entity tells you that it’s your friend, but it’s not…

However, it will probably convince you that it is and send you back to sleep very shortly after reading this. If you do not have the life you desire it is because you are not the controller of your mind. You have allowed an entity in which keeps you trapped where you are. The only way you can defeat this entity is by remaining awake and noticing when it speaks to you.

If you feel that every year is getting shorter and shorter as you age then it is, because you are spending more and more of each year asleep at the wheel while this entity runs your life on auto-pilot.

The weapon you have which can defeat it is your presence, so monitor what you are thinking to ensure you keep the bugs out.

 6. Be prepared to act

Once you know what you truly desire and you have felt what it feels like to be grateful for having it, you are ready to listen to your intuition. What you have done is shown your subconscious mind what you want.

You have shown it this by feeling grateful for it. So right now your subconscious mind is looking for ways to bring that reality into your reality. Be prepared to listen to your intuition. Look out for subtle inspirations you get.

When you get one then analyze it. Does it feel like it came from your intuition or does it feel like a voice in your head said yes do it. Avoid what the voices tell you, they are guiding you the wrong way. Wait for the feelings as the voices will lie to you but your emotions will not.

Learn to trust your emotions again and you really can have what you desire.

Change your life

At his time of year, many of us are stressed or thinkin about the upcoming holidays and perhaps thinking of what we can do to change our life patterns. I like the information that Andy Shaw has been sharing with me so I am sharing it with you. Enjoy

6 Essential Rules of Designing Your Ideal Life By Andy Shaw

Nearly all people live their entire lives without a design, without a journey plan, which means of course they live their life without a map. They go on the most amazing journey of all yet they do it without a map…

Virtually everyone on Earth lives their life by accident bumping into things wondering what happened, and wondering why their life isn't going to plan. But it is going to plan, they and probably you, failed to plan so of course, they and probably you by default planned to fail... (Have you had enough of living this way yet?) Nearly every single person on earth is Mr, Mrs or Miss Bump!

Would you consider EVER going on a car journey to somewhere you have never been before without a map?

No, of course you wouldn’t, that would be insane wouldn’t it… After all how would you know where to go? Where the heck would you end up if you had no map? Your journey would not be successful and would end in a pathetic waste of time and energy…

Yet you do not give a moment’s thought about a map for your life. You do not think that if you want to end up where you want to get to in life (I.e. become a success in something), then maybe you should give just a tiny fraction of your consideration to getting some sort of map put together…

It is so obvious that one is needed when spelt out, it is unbelievable that everyone does not have one…

But they don’t, and that is because they are not the rulers of their mind, as their mind does not give them the obvious stuff! Instead it confuses them and tells them that sorting out a map will be hard work, will take a long time and will of course be very painful… And guess what? 99.86% of people believe them and so don’t have one.

They go on the most amazing journey of all… with no plan, no map… just bumping into things and going off in different directions. They are on the journey of their lives with no sense of direction. Is it any wonder they end up lost and confused?

"Successful people didn't need a map to learn to walk and neither did you. But then you didn't have a load of bad thinking dominating your mind then did you?"

Is this you?

A map though is just a map of your dreams and it is a map to the most wonderful location. So how come nearly all people associate this with work and pain? Because we are not the rulers of our mind and we have lost touch with the fact that our mind should work for us, not the other way around.

Knowing What You Want (The Secret Of How To Change Your Life)

The secret to living the life you desire is VERY simple, you just have to first know what you want... Sounds simple because it is, but I could go to a room with 1,000 people in it and not find one who could give me definite directions to what they want. So if you are not living the life you desire, you do not know what you want.

And the opposite of course is if you don’t know what you want, you have little to no chance of ever getting it… You know how difficult it can be to get the stuff you do know what you want… Then it should be crystal clear to you right now that trying to get something you don’t know what you want is impossible right?

So if you want to know what your BIGGEST priority must be in life, if you want to get the life you desire, it is simple… You’ve got to figure out what you want… Or …You WON’T get it!

So here’s a simple technique to figuring it out:
We will continue these thoughts tomorrow

Eliminate Stress Part 2

But you are not here now. You are here now obviously as you are reading this :-) What I mean is when your stressed you are not here now, you are either in the future or in the past. Here now is the only place where you are free from stress. So if you want to be free of stress then there is a simple technique which you must apply to remain here now.

1. Accept what is

Whatever has happened, whatever you have brought into your life, and whatever you think you haven’t, have all happened. The past cannot be changed, so you just simply accept what is.

In doing this you are removing the strength of anything the past can do to you. The past can only harm you of course if you allow it to. If you do not allow it to then it can do you no harm at all. So accept what is, as it cannot be changed.

 2. Surrender to whatever is going to happen

This is you accepting that whatever will happen will work out for the best for you… Even if it looks like it will be bad at the time. We’ve all had things happen which felt bad at the time and then turned out to be the best thing.

Well just accept that things will always work out for the best.

This doesn’t mean you cannot work diligently towards preventing what you don’t want to happen. It just means that if it does happen then you will accept it then. Until it does, you will do all you can to avoid it but you are just not emotionally attached to it. Attachment causes stress.

This way it enables you to surrender to it and it frees you from the stress you created.

 3. Just be where you are

Live now, recognise that you are the creator of your stress, so simply decide that you will live now in this moment and do all you can to do all you are doing… However, you are just choosing to no longer be stressed by it.

When you notice stress building up in the future, all you have to do is simply notice it and remember you are allowing it to build up in your absence of presence.

This is the power of awareness. As you become aware, you gain control because you noticed that you are the creator of your stress. Then by accepting what is, you can master it and no longer allow stress into your life.

It will come in, we are busy after all, but just notice it, accept it is there and now needs to be let go of. There is nothing to control, you merely have to let go of it.

As you do this you will hear your mind fighting with you. Listen to the insanity of it wanting to find ways to get you to hang on to your stress…

These moments are precious, as you for the first time are getting to see the controller of your life and how it has manipulated you into thinking that you didn’t bring about your stress. And how it wasn’t your fault that you are now stressed.

But it is your fault, you were absent and so you allowed the controller of your mind to bring in something which made your life a lot harder… The secret to removing the stress, as well as the controller, is to accept what is and to start to notice its actions.

These are the cause of the nasty things in your life and it is bugs in your mind. But if you remember to apply those 3 magic words (accept what is) then you will be a lot less stressed for the rest of your life.

Eliminate Stress

3 Magic Words That Eliminate Stress Instantly!”
By Andy Shaw

Wouldn’t that be wonderful, a way to eliminate stress instantly what a gift that would be to our wellbeing… But impossible right? After all, you have so much of it and the world tells you it’s too difficult to remove… But what if it was possible… What if?

In the world we live in today of ever increasing ways to communicate and ever increasing numbers of people wanting to contact and touch us… Not to mention the eternal pressures to go out and create money to buy stuff, means we are all working more and more.

Usually both husbands and wives work, otherwise they could not have stuff… So stress builds up and this is just one of the many reasons why less and less people are getting married but the divorce rate does not go down… Which means of course that it is increasing

Stress is everywhere, and people make a fortune selling ways to control your stress or how to relieve stress... And of course medicine does its bit to give you pills to help you feel less stressed. You buy into this need to control stress… as obviously you can’t cure this demon…

Have you ever asked but why can’t it be cured…? Well of course it can but there is no money in the cure, there’s money in controlling stress… So what I’m offering is the cure as life is far too short to live life so stressed. And besides, there’s far more enjoyable ways for me to make money than by selling how to control stress. So I’ll just give you the cure instead.

Stress is not its own entity; it is not a disease but a dis-ease. Stress is just something we create ourselves in our minds. Yes, we are the creators of the nightmare we live in. In doing this we do not live well as we damage our own wellbeing. But stress is just a choice…

I know this may sound very easy but you can choose to not be stressed…. I can hear what you are saying, ‘No you can’t!’, ‘Don’t be stupid!’, ‘I wish!’ Or any other one of a thousand sentences… But the truth is you can, stress is a choice, stress is something you are choosing to do, because you are not choosing not to.

Nothing stands still and if you are not choosing to not be stressed, then you are choosing to be stressed in your lack of choice and presence. When you are present then you cannot be stressed, but that’s really for another time. What I’m going to share with you here is why you are stressed.

You are almost certainly stressed because you have chosen to do too much. Or you have had something happen which did not go your way. Or you are worried that something which is yet to happen will not go your way.

So you are creating your stress by allowing it to be there, you are allowing it to be there because you are not accepting what is.

There is magic in those 3 little words if you are willing to tell your ego to shut up talking for a second…

"Successful people are specialists at creating eustress (positive stress) that helps them achieve more in less time."

You see, your ego likes you being stressed as it knows you are not present, and if you are not present then it has you trapped inside your mind either in the past or in the future…

But you are not here now. You are here now obviously as you are reading this :-) What I mean is when your stressed you are not here now, you are either in the future or in the past. Here now is the only place where you are free from stress. So if you want to be free of stress then there is a simple technique which you must apply to remain here now. Tomorrow the three phrases

The Habit of "Having Fun" Article

This is a fun article written By Dan Robey and I thought I would share this as we move closer to the holiday season

I am a big fan of the TV show Seinfeld, and one of my favorite episodes is an episode called "The Marine Biologist."

In this episode Jerry Seinfeld runs into an old high school female friend of George Costanza. She asks how George is doing now 20 years later. Jerry wants to impress her so he makes up a story that George is now a very successful Marine Biologist.

That is the episode that gave me the inspiration for this article, but here this is the scene and the one line spoken by the character known as Kramer that sums up the habit of having fun.

Kramer decides that it would be fun to take his golf clubs down by the ocean and start hitting golf balls into the ocean (not great for the ocean but in Kramer's mind ....lots of fun!!)

So, now that Kramer is very excited about his new found "fun idea" he rushes into Jerry's apartment to share his idea with Jerry, George and Elaine and he screams "Who wants to have some fun!!"

OK, lets break this down a bit.

Kramer starts out by thinking of something that he thinks would be "WAY" fun.......that's part one.

Here is part two.

Kramer takes his idea, his enthusiasm, and his energy and shares it with his friends by screaming

"Who wants to have some fun!"

How often do we say that?

How often do you wake up on a weekend morning, jump out of bed, make some coffee and very excitedly say to your spouse or significant other.

What can we do today to have fun, and lots of it!

Maybe you should just say "Who wants to have some fun!!"

The best part about this question is that virtually no one "dislikes" having fun.

So the answer is inevitably "I do."

The problem is that we live in a fast paced society where that question is seldom asked.

Everything is high pressure, stress, and work , work , work.

But, guess what the best stress reliever of all is?

You guessed it.....having fun.

It is after all the reason why we work so darn hard...or at least it is supposed to be that way.

Think about this for a minute.

"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" is one of the most famous phrases in the United States Declaration of Independence and considered by many as part of one of the most well crafted, influential sentences in the history of the English language!

WOW! ...... the pursuit of Happiness, I would say that happiness is directly related to how much fun we have in life.

Here is something else to think about.

How many times have you sat down with friends with one goal in mind?

How can we have THE MOST fun today?

I would say that is one very powerful habit. To make having  fun a PRIORITY.

To strive to be as HAPPY as possible.

Make it a commitment today.

When you are finished reading this article walk away from your computer and scream at the top of your lungs..."Who wants to have some fun!!!"

I guarantee you that it will put a smile on your face and the face of EVERYONE who hears it.

·         Make it your motto.

·         Make it a habit.

·         Make it the one thing that everybody remembers about you.

·         You will live longer.

·         You will love longer.

·         You will make yourself and everyone around you happier.

You will fulfill the request of the founders of the United States who so eloquently said "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness".

Ways to Lead by Example

Good leaders should lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example.

1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

2. Be truthful. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

3. Be courageous. Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to a larger purpose.

4. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

5. Be persistent. Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.

6. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team for more.

7. Listen. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

8. Delegate liberally. Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

9. Take care of yourself. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it!

10. Roll up your sleeves. Like Alexander the Great leading his men into battle, you’ll inspire greatness in your followers

Live today because tomorrow is not promised

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore".

No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."

Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you." So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage.....And old cars... And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important, like people we know who are special.. And so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way... Now it's your turn to tell this to all those people who are "keepers" in your life. Think about this suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?

Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back. And just in case I'm gone tomorrow:    LOVE YA!!!

Live today because tomorrow is not promised

Need for Validation

The need to criticize simply belies a longing for recognition, appreciation, and validation. 

None of which, however, can be obtained through criticism.

Stormy Weather

I have been watching with interest the impact of the storm on the American East Coast and my heart goes out to all my American friends who are in harms way.

This round of Stormy Weather shows that most people have some common sense but I am alarmed at the news coverage. The TV news reporters who go out into the storm to get the best live shot, should have their heads examined. The story can be told, I think, without putting oneself in harms way. 

I have also been impressed by the American governments (all levels) who have spoken honestly to the people about the danger and about how to keep themselves safe. I hope is that all of you on the East Coast are kept out of harms way in the aftermath of the storm, and that you and your loved ones are safe.

For my Canadian friends in Ontario and the Maritime's, I hope that you are also kept out of harms way and that the storm does not wreck as much havoc it might.

In the aftermath of the storm, my hope is that friends, families and loved ones are safe and that life will begin to slowly return to a routine that is safer for all of you. The storm highlights I think, how much we are dependent on each other and how isolated we feel when we are cut off. The storm also shows us how much we need the infrastructure and why we need to  work to keep it up to date. I was also impressed with how prepared  the first responders in both countries  were when faced with dangerous situations.

Mike Law shared the following  description of the storm, which I thought was worth sharing:

The eye of the hurricane passed directly over us, when the eye passes all becomes calm. On the horizon in all directions one can see the eyewall of the Hurricane illuminated by flashes of lightning shimmering flashes of heat lightning as if this was a hot summer night with each flash of light, all is soft and distant and never strikes a blow of destruction.

The eyewall appears to be a steel curtain, dull gray as is steel, momentarily the wall appears and by its reflections of silver light from a flash lamp cosmic and high. In the calm you think maybe you woke up in a dream, but do not dream too long, because soon there will be a taste of new rage.

With a million people without electricity it is dark and it is cold, but mercifully it could have been much worse for us. In the mountains of Virginia, West Virginia and central Pennsylvania, some were nearly a meter of snow from thunder snowstorms in collision of a mass of hot tropical and humid air becomes shipwrecked in south of the arctic winter storm born in northern Canada. We had the chance ... a chance to be lucky.Winter is not yet on us, but in parts of the US and Canada, Sandy brought not only rain and high winds, but snow, sleet, and hail. For those of us who love winter--but not the storms of winter, here is a beautiful poem by Mike Law with a stunning image by Lisa Tyson Ennis  (taken in 2005) to remind us that there is hope and life even in the face of personal or community disaster.

In winter, A Solitary Place

On ghosting leafless trees upright their feet bare
covered with snow, each arm is sheathed solemnly in ice.
Freezing cold ...
Not a bird, not a squirrel, no movement,
Everything is frozen and silent.
This is not the brittle crunch of snow.
No footprints show my way when taken.
I stop, I'm paralyzed ... I can not
see my breath.
Momentarily confused I paused to reflect.
Of course, I understand, it's the fog.
Am I the fog? It seems so ...
enveloping all,
It steals my breath as in death.
The fog surrounds me...
a kiss ...
relax ...
I tremble, I tremble.
A lonely place on a dark
winter day.
I move in silence as if invisible as
the fog closes the door behind me.

March 2012 - mike law

Berries are good for you!

Live Better, Longer

April 26, 2012 -- Eating berries at least once a week may protect the brain from age-related memory loss, a large new study shows.

The study included more than 16,000 women who are taking part in the Nurses' Health Study.

Researchers have been keeping tabs on the women's diets since 1980. Between 1995 and 2001, researchers also measured the mental function of women who were over 70 and had not had a stroke.

Mental functioning was measured during three telephone interviews that were spaced about two years apart. In the interviews, researchers asked the women to recall details from a paragraph they'd just heard, for example, or to remember the order of words or numbers in a list.

When researchers compared women who ate the most blueberries and strawberries to those who ate the fewest, they found that those who ate the most had a slower rate of developing memory problems. The difference was equal to about two-and-a-half years of aging.

"This is pretty compelling evidence to suggest that berries do appear to have memory benefits," says researcher Elizabeth E. Devore, ScD, instructor in medicine at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston.

What may be even better news is that the biggest berry eaters in the study weren't eating mounds of them every day. On average, they were eating a single half-cup serving of blueberries or two half-cup servings of strawberries each week.

"These are simple interventions that appear to have pretty healthful effects," Devore says.

The study can't prove that berries protected the women's brains directly For the full post go to:  Source: http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/news/20120426/berries-may-slow-memory-loss

New or old life?

As we wandered around the golf course, talking about life, one of my friends started talking about coping with life after the death of a spouse.  Most of my friends have been in long term relationships (over 40 plus years) with their partners and as we age the loss of a life partner is a serious issue for us.  My friends realized that I had to consider this possibility when my wife was    sick few years ago, and were thus interested in my views on the topic.

One friend said," I don't know what I would do." 

"After the mourning you would have a new life", one of my other friends suggested

 "I don't, know if I would because I would still have my old life"  he replied. As we continued to  play golf, we talked about the issue of trying to reconnect to our old selves.

Our golf course wisdom after about 9 holes,  was that after 40 plus years in a relationship a person really were not sure who they really are or want to be because for most of their life, they have been in a partnership and as such the person did not look at life as an individual might. That sense of unease of being uncoupled and the sense of loss would unsettle the journey to find one's self. 

One of my friends went on, "I would still have the same people who depend on me, I would still have the same issues at work, My own personal demons would still be there, but now I would have to fight them on my own. How would I know it is time to move on, sell my home and move on and start a new relationship." 

We were not able to answer that question but as friends we just listened, pretended to think and tried to look wise, and soon the conversation drifted back to the latest shot and how beautiful the day was--(my friends and I look at life's serious issues, but only for very short periods of time,as I think do most men of my age :-). 

The conversation got me thinking about change and renewal after the loss of a spouse. Change is hard and coping with life after the loss of a loved one of many years is not easy. After 30 to 40 years in a relationship, how does one start the process of reconnecting with yourself as a single?  For those of us  in long term relationships we have for 30 years or more have not considered ourselves as a separate entity, our life has been intertwined with another.

Joan P. Hubbard, is the author of The Grieving Self and she believes that those who can reconnect and reconstruct their independent self after severe loss will experience emotional healing more quickly and begin a new path toward a viable life. In her forward Hubbard writes, “Grief is a journey most of us are destined to take. We will experience grief at a loss of our physical parts or the abilities of our bodies to perform, the loss of important relationships (family and friends) through death or attrition, loss of jobs and opportunities…loss of some aspect of what we know to be our self.”

The Grieving Process consists of five steps:
1) Denial
This first step is when we try to deny the death of our loved one, or in this case, our spouse.
2) Anger
You'll probably be angry at your spouse for dying and leaving you. Or, you'll be mad at "the world" because it happened.
3) Bargaining
Bargaining usually is tried with God, or another spiritual being. You may ask what you can do to reverse the loss of your husband or wife.
4) Depression or Sadness
This step of the Grieving Process is self-explanatory. Besides feeling depressed or sad, you may still feel angry.
5) Acceptance
When you've reached this level, you will have accepted the fact that your spouse has died. The feelings of anger and sadness that you've had have begun to ease up.

Here's a tip to help you decide when you are ready to move on, after your spouse dies: if you don't complete these five steps first, you won't be ready. Easy to say, tough to remember if you are in mourning.

You can't start reconnecting to yourself and begin a new life while you're still grieving for your late spouse. Mourning will interfere with beginning any healthy, happy relationships. Mourning is not measured in time, nor is it a sequential journey. Once the mourning has finished then the work or reconnecting can begin. Part of the process of finding a new life, is the discarding of the old, very hard to let go for most. 

Friends are important in the process and true friends will allow for the trial and error that happens as we try to see where we now fit. As we move toward finding out who we now are, we may go through some interesting and (to our friends) strange journeys. I believe that in this journey we will make mistakes, but the journey, the mistakes, are needed to find our balance.