Golfing Tips

I am a duffer and every time I go golfing with my friends, who are good golfers I get lessons. The lessons have gone on for over 20 years and I am improving but ever so slowly. However, my friends who know the game and have been golfing for over 40 years, love to give me lessons. I listen to what they say and try some and ignore some of their advice.  One of my friends takes lessons and is always full of good ideas. 

When I started playing golf with them, they were golfing in the low 100’s t the low 90’s. I was golfing in the high 120’s to the low 120’s. Over time I have listened and learned well so now I am golfing in the low 100’s to the high 90‘s. They are still golfing in the low 100’s to the low 90’s. This season I have decided not to keep score that way I will have more fun and take the time to enjoy the outing without worry and stress.

I have learned that golf is not something that you can really learn while playing a video game. We have a Wii golf game and when I play it I do really well, shooting (with the computers help par or better) But the reality is learning how to play golf in real life is sometimes complicated and requires that paying close attention to the exact rules and form.  My friends take lessons, I did one year and it set my game back for three years. So while learning from a golf instructor is a wise idea, there are a few mistakes that many of us still tend to make.  Every time I go out, I try to overcome these mistakes to improve my chances of playing a good game of golf and walking away from the green after a successful game with my head held high.

One of the biggest problems that I have is from time to time I look up when I try to strike the ball.  My friends tell me that it is important to always look down until after you have hit the ball.  I have one friend who has eye problems so even if he did look up, which he does from time to time, he can’t see more than 100 yards. So, he never knows where his ball is going to land. Lucky for him we are his eyes and keep track of his ball. My problem is that I get used to watching the flight of the ball and so when I go to hit my ball I look up.

My friends say that to ensure that I stay down until after the hit ensure that I should keep my hips properly rotated. Easier said than done, since my hip replacement I have not yet relearned how to do this.

Additionally, I have been told to ensure that I keep my arms extended fully while swinging. A hint given to me by one of my friends is to count to five after I strike the ball before I look up. Great idea, but I get lost counting and trying to keep my arms extended. I know the counting is to help me pace myself and help me to not look up too quickly.

For over 17 years I have been playing my game by striking the ball to each side of the green, rather than straight ahead. This is a problem caused by many things but it can be corrected with time and patience. After 17 years, I was reminded by my friends that I always need to keep in mind is my stance. I find that if I don’t stand appropriately before I even swing the club, I am not going to have a successful stroke.  I was told analyze my stance before I swing, if I notice that my club is not squarely touching the ball then I back up a bit to ensure that I am not hitting the ball from the side of the club.  Ensuring a solid, square swing will help your ball go to the desired location with a bit of practice, and consistency.

Hooking is an issue but that can be correct as well.  My problem is with my stance that causes my ball to hook. My friends took a close look at my stance, to help me correct this error. I am lucky I have friends who want to share their new found skills from the lessons they take so that I can slowly become better and maybe one day I will move from playing in the low 100’s to high 90’s to playing in the low 100’s to the low 90’s.

How to Choose Golf Shoes

We have yet to go out golfing, but the time is near and we will once again take our weekly walk around the various golf courses that we play. I will never be a good golfer as I only go out once a week and I do not spend a great deal of time practising. But when I am out, I want to be comfortable when I am walking.

I know that my swing will change, my accuracy and distance will improve with practice, and I might become deadly with a putter, but I understand that I will always do these things while standing on my feet.

I don't know about you but I think that your feet need to be comfortable! Have you ever developed a blister while walking or running? It’s all you can think about and it ruins the experience. Don’t let uncomfortable shoes ruin your golf game.

This is one area where you shouldn’t let your frugality make the decision for you. You will be wearing these shoes many times and they should be considered an investment.

Comfort should be your biggest concern when buying shoes. Your foot should not move at all on your heel when you walk, yet your toes shouldn’t feel cramped. Have you shoes professional fit to your feet and walk around in them, before you buy them.

Proper golf shoes should be waterproof so that your feet remain dry in damp conditions. Good socks are important too; they will wick perspiration away from your feet, keeping your feet dry and comfortable.

All golf courses prohibit metal spiked shoes in the effort to protect their delicate greens. Purchase shoes that allow you to change the rubber spikes easily, and while you’re there, purchase some extras. You never know when you might lose one. Replace the spikes when they become worn.

With all the things you have to worry about while playing golf, your feet shouldn’t be one of them. When it comes to golf footwear, quality counts.

Don't upset Mother Nature

In the depths of Winter, my friends and I meet to talk about the upcoming golf season, and how well we will do this year. We also start to plan our yearly tour, and sometimes tell inappropriate jokes, here is one of those jokes. Enjoy

Towards the end of a round of golf, Joe hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She yelled, “I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?

Just for doing what you have done, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.

Better still, you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.

As a matter of fact, you’ll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!”

Then POOF! she was gone!

After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, “Bill, where are you?”

Bill yells back, “I’m over here in the pussywillows.”

Joe shouts back, ‘DON’T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T SWING !’

Relationship between husbands, wives and the game of golf

As we move very slowly towards spring, only a little over two months from now, my friends and I start to have biweekly pub meetings to talk about the last season in golf and how well we are going to do next season. So in light of the game, lets take a very light-hearted look at the relationship between husbands, wives and the game of golf.

One night a man returns home well after dark after having supposedly left at 6:30 that morning to play golf. His wife is furious and demands to know where he’s been.

"Well, I got up this morning at 6.30, went to the car and it wouldn't start. So I called Frank to drive and it was 7.15 until he could pick me up. On our way to the course, Frank gets a flat tire so we have to walk 8 miles to the nearest station to get someone to help us. By the time we finally get going again it’s 10.30. When we get to the course, there is a seniors group going off so we have to wait two hours before we can tee off.”

"Yeah, but that was still almost 11 hours ago!” his wife said.

"Well, we were playing along when on the fifth hole a golf ball comes whizzing by and strikes Frank in the head, killing him. So for the next 13 holes, it’s hit the ball, drag Frank, hit the ball, drag Frank, hit the ball….”

One day Steve and his wife, Sorrel, were out playing golf.

Everything was going well for Steve until the 7th hole. He sliced his tee shot a mile to the right so he and his wife had to go looking for the ball. Eventually they came across a shed with the door slightly ajar, and surprisingly enough the golf ball was slap bang in the center of the floor.

And so, not wanting to drop a shot, Steve decided to play on instead of taking a penalty by dropping the ball.

Sorrell, noticing that if Steve played a good shot he could get his ball on the green, offered to hold the door open while her husband played the shot. After a lengthy period of sizing up his shot, Steve hit the ball, but struck his wife in the temple with it. She slumped down dead, instantly.

Five years later, Steve found himself on the same golf course, on the same hole, this time with his friend, Jim. So, coincidentally, Steve’s tee shot took the exact same path as it did five years ago, and the ball found itself, again, slap bang in the center of the shed.

As Steve thought what to do with his shot, Jim offered to hold the door of the shed open so he could take his shot. But with a look of shock on his face, Steve replied instantly,

"Hell No!!! The last time I tried that it took me 7 shots to get on the green.”

It’s a nice hot summer’s day and two men are playing golf on a course near a main road.

As he is about to tee off on the 10th hole one of the men notices a hearse driving slowly along the road. He stops in mid swing and places his club on the ground, turns round, faces the road and removes his hat in a solemn gesture. The second man turns round to him and says. “Come off it, it’s only a hearse.”

"But you don’t understand, it’s my wife’s funeral…”

Two golfers are at the first tee:

Golfer one: “Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!”

Golfer two: “Great trade!”

A husband and wife died and went to Heaven together. They were met at the gates by an angel who was to show them the place.

"Right over here we have our very own golf course."

"Wow! It’s beautiful! Can we play it now?" they both asked.

"Sure," said the angel.

So the couple began playing. It was the most beautiful course they had ever seen. Everything was perfect… the fairways, the greens, even the rough. The more they played the more the woman beamed with happiness, but she noticed her husband was becoming disheartened and angry.

"I can’t understand why you’re not happy. We’re in Heaven! We’re together! We’re playing on the most beautiful and most perfect golf course ever! What’s wrong with you?" she asked.

"If you hadn’t fed us all that damn health food, we’d have been here years ago!"

Jim and Bob were avid golfers, faithfully playing a round of golf every Sunday. One particular Sunday, after the first few holes they found themselves waiting for two very slow playing women to move on, so that they could play the next hole.

Jim took the initiative.

Jim: “Bob, go and ask those two women in front to move over and let us pass will you? We’ll be here forever otherwise.”

Bob: “No worries mate. I won’t be a minute.”

So off trots Bob down the fairway toward the two offending women. But when he gets halfway there he suddenly stops and starts to walk back toward Jim.

Jim: “What’s the matter?”

Bob: “I can’t go down there.”

Jim: “Why not?”

Bob “Well it’s those women. One’s my wife and the other’s my mistress.”

Jim: “No worries mate. I’ll go.”

So off he goes, but when he gets halfway Jim turns around and heads back to Bob.

Bob: “Well?”

Jim: “It’s a small world.”

Cheating at Golf

There isn't a golfer out there who hasn't ended up playing with or against a cheat. The question is: what do you do? This article may help

If you see him breaking the rules, do you tell him? Do you tell the other guys you are playing with? Do you report him to the secretary?

Maybe you don’t think you have ever played with a cheat - here are a few of the telltale signs…

1 If somebody wanders up to the first tee, puts a ball down and doesn't tell you what sort of ball he is using, ensure that you get a look at it at the first available opportunity. It’s always a good idea to retrieve the ball from the first hole with the words: “Ah, I see you are using a Titleist 3. That’s all right, mine’s a Titleist 4. Lads, John’s playing with a Titleist 3.”

That way he knows you've got his number - in more ways than one.

2 If somebody marks the ball on the green by putting his marker on the hole-side of the ball and replaces the ball on the hole-side of the marker, let it go the first time he does it. But the chances are he will do it every single time he marks the ball, gaining about two inches each time he does it.

You don’t think that’s much? If he does it just once on 18 greens, it is THREE FEET OVER the course of a round - and that is plenty.

3 If you are looking in the rough for an opponent’s ball and come across one, always ask him what ball he is using. Never tell him you’ve found a Titleist 3. The chances are most people will be honest, but the cheat certainly won’t, so if you tell him you’ve found a TaylorMade 4, chances are he will say: “Yup, that’s mine.”

4 Do you ever play with somebody who hits a lot of golf balls into the rough and always finds them? I am talking here about the player finding the ball, not his partners. Every. Single. Time.

You were certain it disappeared into the heart of the bush, but he always seems to find it on the other side of the bush, usually with a perfect lie. And isn't it strange that he always finds it when the rest of you are looking elsewhere?

5 You ever played with the guy who insists on getting to the green first? By the time you get there, he has already marked his ball. This happens on almost every single hole. Now it could just be that he is a very quick walker, but it could also be that he is marking the ball much closer to the hole than it actually finished.

6 Then there is the guy who always seems to get out of bunkers without any difficulty, but who always seems to bend down to remove “debris” from the sand around his ball, when nobody else you play with ever does.

7 Worst of all is the chap who always seems pleased to see you - until you realize that he actually has two or three golf balls in each trouser pocket. Why would anyone have spare golf balls in their pockets? Why would anyone have identical spare golf balls in their pockets?

There are other kinds of cheating too. Some would call it gamesmanship. 

8 You get on a tee, your match is close and your opponent turns round to you and says: “I hate this hole. I always seem to hit it into the field on the right here.”

You have never sliced a drive on this hole. You have never even noticed that there is out of bounds on the right side of this particular hole. What happens? You slice your drive, miles out of bounds.

He pulls out an iron, hits it down the middle and wins the hole.

9  A couple of holes later, you are about to hit your drive and, just as you start your takeaway, he coughs. You hit the worst drive you’ve struck for months. “Sorry friend, I hope that cough didn’t put you off.”

Somehow, you avoid the temptation to punch him right between the eyeballs. That’s because you are a gentleman.

Even more surprisingly, you manage to fight back and take the match to the 18th. On the tee it’s your honor. You wait for him to make a comment about the pond. Nothing. You wait for the cough. Silence.

You are feeling pretty relaxed about all of this. You've got him!

10 Halfway through your backswing you hear the rattle of coins in his pocket. Naturally, you fluff your drive again. You know he’s done it deliberately. He knows that you know he’s done it deliberately. He also knows you won’t say anything. He also knows that you wouldn't dream of retaliating as he is preparing to play his shot.

Somehow, you manage to hit a wonderful recovery that not only finds the green but finishes six feet away. You are left with a straight uphill putt to win the match.

You know for certain that he is going to pull the coins trick again, so just before you line up your putt, you walk over to your golf bag, produce a $10 note, and you turn to him and say: “You got change for this?” And then you drain the putt!

Finally, a Golf Joke I Haven't Heard Before

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. 

 After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't!"

Quotes about golf

Here are 25 of the best ones said by some pretty well known names: Thanks to Swing by Swing golf for these

Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. — Grantland Rice

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. — John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. — Robert Lynd

If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. — Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. — Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. — Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. — William Wordsworth

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. — Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up. — Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. — Bishop Sheen

I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced. — Arnold Palmer

My handicap? Woods and irons. — Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. — Pete Dye

I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! — Buddy Hackett

The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. — Billy Graham

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. — Jack Lemmon

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. — Mark Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. — Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. — Jimmy DeMaret

May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. — Ben Hogan

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. — Anon

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. — George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. — Lee Trevino

Reason they call it golf is because all the other four-letter words were taken. — Woody Woodbury

The #1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek. — St. Titleist

Golf Jokes for the season I missed

This summer I was laid up because of my knee operation, so I did not have a chance to golf. Here are some jokes for the season I missed.

THE GOLFER GUESSED THAT HIS BALL LANDED 20 FEET OFF THE FAIRWAY. OF COURSE, THAT WAS JUST A ROUGH ESTIMATE.

YOUR GOLF ADDICTION IS DRIVING A WEDGE BETWEEN US.

A GOLFER BOUGHT TWO PAIRS OF PANTS, JUST IN CASE HE GOT A HOLE IN ONE.

TWO FUR TRADERS ONCE TOOK A GOLFING TRIP TOGETHER. THEY PLAYED A SKINS MATCH.

A LION WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON HIS WIFE. BUT A TIGER WOOD.

ANY GOLFER WILL TELL YOU THE GOSPEL TRUTH. YOUR NEXT SHOT ALWAYS DEPENDS ON THE LIE.

EVEN THOUGH HIS DRIVER AND WOODS HAD BEEN STOLEN, THE GOLFER CONTINUED TO PLAY 72 STRAIGHT HOLES FOR CHARITY. HE WAS TRULY AN IRONMAN.

HE SAID HE’D BEEN GOLFING BUT SMELLED LIKE THE OCEAN. SOMETHING FISHY WAS UP.

HE WAS TEED OFF WITH HIS BAD START, DRIVING THE BALL ALMOST BEYOND THE GREEN, BUT HE WAS ABLE TO PUTT IT BEHIND HIM.

HE WAS TEED OFF WITH HIS BAD START, DRIVING THE BALL ALMOST BEYOND THE GREEN, BUT HE WAS ABLE TO PUTT IT BEHIND HIM.

IF YOU CRASH INTO A VOLKSWAGEN GOLF, DOES THAT MAKE A HOLE IN ONE?

SHE BECAME A GOLF PROFESSIONAL TO EARN HER BREAD AND PUTTER.

GOLFERS HATE CAKE BECAUSE THEY MIGHT GET A SLICE.

HE WANTED DESPERATELY TO BE A GOOD GOLFER - YOU COULD SAY HE HAD A DRIVING AMBITION.

ANY GOLFER WILL TELL YOU THE GOSPEL TRUTH. YOUR NEXT SHOT ALWAYS DEPENDS ON THE LIE.

HE WOULD PROMISE TO PLAY GOLF, BUT HE DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW THROUGH.

IF YOU GOLF ON ELECTION DAY — CAST AN ABSENT-TEE BALLOT.

I LOVE PLAYING GOLF, BUT WHEN PUTTING I CAN NEVER CATCH A BREAK.

Why some of us need to examine our faith in some technology

Every year for the last 11 years my friends and I go on a golf retreat in the first or second week in July. We pick an area of the province and go tour have a week of fun, golf and mischief. This year we choose to go back to Kamloops, and thanks to the great service by the group at Golf Kamloops the week was everything we expected and more. The "and more" is the subject of this post.

On Tuesday morning we were scheduled to golf at Sun Peaks at 9:20. We went to breakfast at the local White Spot and enjoyed the food and the interesting information about the Kamloops provided by a very knowledgeable waitress. I was driving but I had I thought, good navigators. We left with about an hour to spare and we expected to arrive at Sun Peaks about 9:00  Boy were we mistaken. We were talking, telling jokes and just enjoying the ride as we sailed through downtown Kamloops and onto the Trans Canada highway. As we drove I looked for the turnoff to Sun Peaks but we all missed it. We drove on and on and on, I realized that we had missed the turnoff somewhere and so  when we came to the turn off to Vernon, I told the guys we were turning around. Those of you who have travelled this route know that the Trans Canada between Kamloops and Chase is mostly a four lane highway with very few opportunities to turn around. As we drove up to Vernon and past the last barrier I did a u-turn. The guys told me to stop as Ravi had a GPS on his I phone. So we stopped and we turned on the GPS, it was the first time he had used it but he was able to find us and directions to Sun Peaks.

Now to be fair, I had already started back to Kamloops by the time he had found the directions, I thought I was on the right track, and was surprised when I was told that I was going the wrong way. I thought the GPS must be right, so I found a place to turn around and started heading east.
We drove past the Vernon exit and along the Trans Canada until we reached a town called Pritchard. At Pritchard the GPS indicated we should turn left. We did and we then crossed a single lane bridge onto a two lane gravel road.

As we still continued to travel east, none of us questioned the directions given by the GPS, the road started to turn North into the hills, so I assumed that we would at some point (fairly soon) run into the main road to Sun Peaks. We continued along the road as it became narrower and narrower. At one point Ravi said stop you are going the wrong way, evidently I had missed a turn. So I managed to turn the car around and about one Kilometer back I came to a turn that was covered up by weeds and brush. According to the GPS I was to follow the now one lane road, so trusting technology, I continued. The road now started to wind into the hills. As we travelled Hardeep thought we should turn around, now I just thought he was nervous because the was not siding and the drop off on his side was getting steeper. The road continue to narrow and the rain had caused runoffs in the middle of the road. Luckily I have a small car with a high clearance, but I had to be very careful to stay out of the ditches on the road.  The narrow path turned into what we thought was now a cow path.

As we were heading along at about 5k an hour a deer suddenly walked in front of us, stopped and looked very surprised as if to say "How come you are here, when there is no road".  The scenery was spectacular but the road kept me focused. About two hours later we were starting to question the accuracy of the GPS system. Hardeep tried to phone Sun Peaks, but there was no phone service, but we did have GPS and we were still heading in the right direction according to the technology. So we continued on, I did not tell the guys that my gas which had been on 1/4 of a tank was now on 1/8th of a tank, so turning around was, in my mind not an option.

About two and a half hours into the hills we saw some loggers who were clearing trees from the road. As I drove by I stopped and said "We are lost, can you tell us how to get to Sun Peaks?"
The loggers looked a bit surprised and then said that we were on the right track but that we had about 7 more Kilometers to go with a few switchbacks and washouts along the way.

I asked if my car would make it and he said, if I was careful I would make it with no or few problems. The GPS still showed us we were on the right track and this having been confirmed by the loggers we continued, this time down the mountain very slowly. The switchbacks now put the drop off on my side so I began to understand why Hardeep had been so nervous.

The main road the logger had talked about was in fact a two lane gravel road, which we travelled for about 30 minutes until we hit the paved road, which took us to Sun Peaks. We were now over three hours late for our t time but because it had been raining (it sopped for us until the fourth hole) we were the first people out for the day.  We enjoyed the golf and then the rain set in and by the fifth hole were were all soaked.  We went in for lunch, after nine and the rain broke and we were able to finish the day.

We told the people at Sun Peaks where we had come from and they said, "That is not an authorized road and wondered how we had made it".

We found out later that GPS systems have a default setting of  Direct Route, but that you can set them for major route. So we trusted the technology, did not read directions, did not ask for directions before we started out and travelled to Sun Peaks by an road less travelled. If I ever get a GPS I will take the time to understand it before I use it, perhaps advice I should use before I put too much trust in any new technology.

Golf Humour

 Golf Poem

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,

White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.

Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,

This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.

By Its Size I Could Not Guess

The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. 

But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,

I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.

My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same

Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.

It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;

A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.

It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,

And Hate Myself And Want To Die.

It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,

If I Hit It Straight And Far.

To Master Such A Tiny Ball,

Should Not Be Very Hard At All.

But My Desires The Ball Refuses,

And Does Exactly As It Chooses.

It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,

And Disappears Before My Eyes.

Often It Will Have A Whim,

To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.

With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,

It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.

Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,

If Only It Would Find The Hole.

It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,

And Swear That I Will Give It Up.

And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,

But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs 

And losers of balls!

A recent study found that the average golfer 

Walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that golfers drink, on 

Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means that, on average, golfers get about 

41 miles to the gallon!

Kind of makes you proud. Almost makes you 

Feel like a hybrid. . .

Thanks to Doug for this

Ducks, Buddha and golf

As we prepared to leave for the US for our weekly golf trip we talked about our week and Steve told us that he had chased away a Duck, which appeared to be nesting, from the property he was looking after on instructions from the Strata manager. When Steve looked at the nest he discovered 11 eggs. He said after he tried to catch the mother and failed,  he had taken them home and his wife was decided to incubate the eggs and allow them to hatch. He asked us for advice on what to do.

We were all full of suggestions and advice, some bad, some good, some revolved around eating the eggs, raising the ducks for food and contacting Ducks Unlimited for advice. In our conversations our conversation drifted to how different religions would give advice and the ideas of Buddha, and Karma came up and we speculated about what would happen.

As the game went on, whenever we had a bad shot or a bad hole we attributed the event to the bad Karma that we said had engulfed us for talking about eating the soon to be born ducklings. At the 16th hole Steve hit a very high shot and hit a bird, knocking it from the sky. The bird although it was knocked down and a bit stunned, soon flew away, although Steve thought he had injured or killed the bird.

My  comment to Steve was that if he had killed the bird, he had 11 others that were soon to be hatched and he was 10 up on the count.  I hope to find out what Steve and his wife will do with the eggs, I suspect they will allow them to hatch and then he will have to figure out how to raise them, so I expect these stories to occupy  our games for the next few weeks. At least the duck and bird story took my mind off of politics and the Canucks, for a while

Golf lessons

Last month when I was in Australia, a friend of my daughters asked me if  would like to join him and two of his friends golfing at the local golf course in Mansfield. I agreed as the weather was great and I thought it would be fun to go out and enjoy my first time out this year in another country. So the young man came with some old clubs, similar to the clubs I used when I first started golfing 30 years ago and away we went. The day was beautiful, the course was not crowded, which was a good thing.

I went out and my first ball went into the trees about 30 meters of the tee, the group was polite and no one laughed. My second shot was better and I ended the Par 4 with a 6. However, every drive off the tee for the rest of the game was not as good as my first drive. I was able to salvage some second and third shots, but at the end of the day I ended up with a score that was on par with how I had played 10 years ago when I re-discovered golf as a game. Australians are a fun and sport loving people, but I found out they were also polite and very forgiving, and at the end of the game, when I offered to pay for a round of drinks I was refused because I was a visitor.

About a week later, my daughter was out and we were babysitting and an friend of my daughters phoned and I answered. We talked and in our conversation it turned out that he was friends with the two men I had golfed with on the previous week. I mentioned that I my game was terrible and he said, I heard that as well. I also mentioned the fact I was impressed with how nicely I had been treated and asked him to pass on my thanks to his friends.

I went out again with a retired pro for four holes when we were visiting Adams mom who lives on a golf course in Melbourne. As we made the rounds his comment was that I should take some lessons as I really did not know what I was doing but that I had some potential. He was nice about it and said that if I took three lessons, one on form, one on driving and one on short game I could bring my score done to the high 90's. He gave me some tips but was clear that he was not giving me lessons and I should consider getting lessons when I returned to Canada.

My wife and I went back to the Mansfield golf course about two weeks later, again the course was not crowded and although we only golfed nine holes my score was 50, and I was able to use a few of the tips I had learned earlier. I think golf is a counter intuitive game, the harder I try the worse I get, so when I was out with my wife, I was relaxed and not trying hard so I did better.

So as I move into the next phase of my life, I will consider taking some lessons just to see if I can learn to break one hundred consistently.

Golf Wisdon ;-)

My thanks to Jim for these:

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.~Grantland

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.~John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.~Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.~ Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.~Sam Snead

7 Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.~William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.~Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.~Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. ~Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.~ Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli


13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.~Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!~Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.~Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.~Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.~Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.~Raymond Willis

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.~Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.~All Us Hackers

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.~George Deukmejian

AND FINALLY................

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.~Lee Trevino