At this time of year consider this advice

Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -Og Mandino

Thoughts on wealth and abundance

How quickly would you like to be surrounded by wealth and abundance? Have even more friends and enjoy more laughter? How fast would you like to travel, or have your own fabulous blog?

If you answered "Pronto," "ASAP," or "Duh" to any or all of these questions, could it be that you've momentarily forgotten that the absolute fastest way to manifest change is to claim that you already have it? To withdraw your attention from the yearning? To think, speak, and act "as if"?

Quote to think about

Wise Words  “Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, “This is the real me”, and when you have found that attitude, follow it.” –William James

When you found the attitude that says this is the real me, do you have the courage to take it one step further and ask this question:

What kind of life have you created with your current beliefs?

Do you ever sit and dream?

I'd like to ask you 3 questions designed to  you think...

Question 1:

Do you ever sit and dream about how you'd like your life to be?

• What trips you'd like to take?
• What cars you'd like to buy?
• What homes you'd like to own?
• And do you ever dream of earning 3, 4, even TEN TIMES your present income?

Now, unless you are different then most of us you do... and there is nothing wrong with dreams is there?

For many of us these dreams are fleeting dreams.  Why? Because the paradigm you have build for yourself over years brings you back to your reality and you know that if you dare to dream it won't happen and then you'll feel worse than you do right now...

We live by rules that shape how we see ourselves in the world, these rules were build over years and our dreams provide us with a small glimpse of what we think life would be like if we broke our own rules, So how do you feel about not daring to dream?

(I recommend you take a few moments to consider the implications here as we are talking about a MASSIVE effect on your life...)

Question 2:

Do you ever take time out and actually sit back and plan what's going to happen in your life, so that it happens to your design and not just like you're bumping around into things?

I suspect the answer is No. Why?Iis it because you're too busy just keeping up with what's going on right or is it because your vision of self and your life restricts the horizons you see for yourself?

You probably allow yourself a little bit of dream time and you make resolutions that somehow never get done; but other than that you've got your nose to the grindstone every hour you're not resting...

So how do you feel about not being able to take time out to plan?

(I recommend you take a few moments to consider the implications here as we are talking about a MASSIVE effect on your life...)

Question 3:

Do you want more than you're currently getting from life?
With... less pressure, less stress, less pain, less struggling...
And with... more money, more progress, more results and of course MORE HAPPINESS?

Sure you do...

Right now that is in this 'fleeting moment of presence'... But very shortly the rules you have imposed on yourself will kick in and you will convince yourself that... 'you don't have time for this anymore and get back to work'...

So what happens after you dream?

Do you talk yourself out of your dreams? Do you push them aside while you tend to the details of your day?

Because I don't think it's fair...

You work your entire life and the rules you live by prevent you from dreaming and making plans for your life...

I think after all the effort you put in you should be allowed to take time for yourself to plan your results, don't you?

The truth is…

Whatever results you are currently getting whilst living within the confines of what your own rules allow you to do is nothing compared to what is within easy reach for you... In fact it is enough to stagger the mind! Change your paradigm change your life.

Fall is in the air, can winter be far behind?

Many of us suffered through a terrible winter this year, spring and summer could not come soon enough. Seasons change and as we may face the prospect of another winter of discontent , we should perhaps embrace the idea of winter. Lets have more fun, though I concede it’s a harder sell for those disinclined toward Winter. We've got to roll with it, glide with it, sled with it as it were—so we might as well play in it. Remember when you were a kid how much you looked forward to a snow day? It’s hard to get most kids up for school, but rest assured if it’s a snow day, they’re up and at ’em at dawn and out playing (just as they jump in every leaf pile and mud puddle, which we adults conspicuously avoid). We tend to think of snow as work – we have to shovel it for starters – so we lose that playful perspective. Watch kids playing and you’ll remember what’s really important! Put the shovel down and plop yourself in. Feel it. Make a snow angel. Make a snowman. OK, if you really, really hate the cold, go ice skating in a temperature-controlled rink to get into the mood. The important question is, when the hell did we get too “mature” to do these things? It’s pretty much the saddest thing that ever happened.

Last year we had a miracle of snow dropping down from the clouds in abundance of late. Perspective.

… I have felt

A presence that disturbs me with the joy

Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime

Of something far more deeply interfused,

Whose dwelling place is the light of setting suns,

And the round ocean and the living air,

And the blue sky, and in the mind of man:

A motion and spirit that impels

All thinking things, all objects of all thought,

And rolls through all things …

—William Wordsworth

Is that mature enough for you?  Wordsworth and the other Romantics understood the snow. So did Frost:

Whose woods these are I think I know.   

His house is in the village though;   

He will not see me stopping here   

To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

 My little horse must think it queer   

To stop without a farmhouse near   

Between the woods and frozen lake   

The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   

To ask if there is some mistake.   

The only other sound’s the sweep   

Of easy wind and downy flake.   

 The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

Frost recognizes the beauty of nature and the snow, and sure, he grows very weary, and thinks of stopping in the cold, dark night, perhaps for his final rest. But he doesn’t. He goes on through the deep and frozen Winter, refusing to sleep. Even his horse recognizes he’s got to keep plodding forward while the Winter compels him to sleep. So, yes, there’s a choice for our prescription – to rest or to play – but we cannot completely hibernate when we've got miles to go before we sleep.  

Remember, last winter we made it through it together and this winter we all have promises to keep and we’ll get through them together.

When should women retire?

A story that I found interesting was published in the Global Times and shows some interesting attitudes toward women and working. It made me wonder if this attitude is prevalent in other cultures.

 A recent survey to discover attitudes to the age of retirement for women, discovered that more than 60 percent of the Shanghai residents questioned disapproved of the idea of women retiring at the same age as men to ensure gender equality.

According to the Shanghai Municipal Statistics Bureau, most of the respondents believed it would be too physically strenuous for women to work after 55 and half of the 770 respondents considered 55 the best age for women to retire.

The retirement age in China is 60 for men and 55 or 50 for women, depending on the nature of job. Male workers engaged in heavy or dangerous work can retire at 55 and female at 45.

What do expats think about men and women retiring at the same age? Is the retirement age in China too high or too low? What is the retirement age in their home countries and how is this handled?

Paul Dodson, from the UK, art teacher

"In the UK, my home country, the state pension age is between 61 and 68, depending on when someone was born and if they're male or female. But the retirement age is not the same as state pension age and anyone can carry on working past the state pension age. Most businesses in the UK don't set a compulsory retirement age for their employees and most people can work for as long as they want to. But there are current plans by the government to rise the state pension age to 70 in line with life expectancy. That would mean that the young people who are currently entering the workforce will have to wait until they are 70 before they can retire on a pension. 

The public's opinion on this subject is divided. Some are worried that the new plans mean that the decision whether to work or not will be taken out of their hands. Others feel that they are prepared to work past the pension age anyway to make their lives more comfortable when they retire.

As for China, I believe the retirement age should depend on the gender and on the nature of job. I also believe that people should be able to decide if they want to retire or keep working past their retirement age."

Andrea Arioli, from Italy, sales associate

"At the moment, in Italy, men in private sectors and everyone else serving in the public sector retire at the age of 65. Women in the private sector retire at the age of 60. But, according to new regulations, from 2015, the retirement age will rise by three years, to 68 and 63 years. 

Currently the retirement age is a matter of a heated debate across Europe, because of an aging population and a rising life expectancy.

I feel the retirement age in China will rise as well in the next few years, as life expectancy is also rising and China, like many European countries, also has the problem of an aging population. Also, public health in China is improving, as are its working conditions. As for the recent survey regarding women's retirement age, I agree with its results. Men and women shouldn't retire at the same age, as is the case in most of the European countries."

Aurelie Perrot, from France, marketing manager

"In France, where I come from, the current retirement age is 60, which is one of the lowest in the European Union. It was changed by President Francois Hollande, after he was elected in 2012. The previous retirement age in France was 62. The new reform wasn't particularly welcomed by the public, especially when most of the other European countries have been pushing retirement ages higher and higher.

I think the retirement age in China, comparing to Western countries, is quite low. I believe China should gradually increase the retirement age, at least to 65. As for the debate whether men and women should retire at the same age, I agree with the majority of the survey respondents, but that might also vary depending on the nature of the job."

Save by paying yourself

Save by paying yourself is critical to growing your wealth. 

There are some simple rules to create prior to setting up a system to pay yourself. 

1. To save properly, it’s best to plan then allow it to be automated. 
It’s too easy to spend money that’s in an account or feel comfortable making large purchases when you see cash that is sitting idle. Instead, when you put saving on autopilot, you’ll soon view the entire account as a savings account that is intended to increase your wealth. 

2. The number one rule of this new account is to take NO WITHDRAWS to any account that you spend out of. You may transfer funds from this account to another wealth generation account once per year. You’ll likely need separate accounts to invest the funds. 

Other than those transfers, this account is not where you save for large purchases or vacations. This isn’t an emergency fund. This is a wealth fund. The balance in the wealth funds should increase each year. 

3. These funds should be invested in low risk investments. This is the only way to make sure the account balance increases each year. 

Too many people look at wealth as an all or nothing game. We know you can’t coupon your way to it, but it is a gradual, long-term project. 

If you think you will strike it rich with high-risk investments, this account could easily go down in value (possibly to zero). 

Once again, these savings are a wealth account, not an investment account. With the power of compounding, you need to only earn 5% per year to become a millionaire over time. If you aim for unrealistic returns, you put the account for unnecessary ups and downs. 

This account is for bonds, dividend paying stocks, and investments with predictable, steady cash flows. 

Don’t view it any other way. 

Believe in yourself

Ever wonder why some of those who achieve incredible success, amass fortunes, and enjoy sizzling relationships seem so unlikely?

I think it is because intelligence, looks, even creativity, come in a distant second place to believing. Achievers achieve because they believed they would, and so the heavens and earth were moved.

Isn't it time that you believe in you?

And remember that at first you don't succeed, it only means you're getting closer, cooler, hotter, better, "badder," and more awesome.

Can you identify one person who changed your life?

The following is taken from an email received from Dan Robey 

You have something in common with every single person on this planet in that it only takes one person to change your life.

If you make it a habit to remember that everyone is  just trying to be happy and prosperous in life, just trying to make it through another day, perhaps you will look at people in a different way.

When you start looking at people through this lens, there will be a huge paradigm shift in your thought patterns.

You will have compassion where none existed before. You will forgive those you thought you could never forgive.  You will create friendships where a friendship was never possible before. You will love where you have never loved before.

Here is a simple test. I want you to look back on your life right now.

• Can you identify one person who changed your life?
• Maybe it was a friend who introduced you to your spouse.
• Maybe it was a person who gave you advice and encouragement when you needed it most.
• Maybe is was a stranger who told you about a company that was hiring, you applied with that company, and got a job that changed your life

Let me ask you another question.

• What if that "ONE" person that was about to provide you with life changing information, was having a terrible day on that one fateful day that you met him or her?
• Would you have detected the stress in their voice as they talked?
• Would you have had empathy for their struggle?
• Would you have given them a chance to get beyond their frustration?

OR

• Would their attitude on that one day have caused you to distance yourself from them?
• Would you have pushed away from a person who may have been your "life changing" domino in your life?
• Make it a habit to recognize that EVERYONE is going through this adventure called "LIFE."
• Make it a habit to look into the eyes of complete strangers and:
•  "SEE" their struggles.
• "SEE" their passion.
• "SEE" their sorrow.
• "SEE" that they, like you, are imperfect, and judge them not.

Take the extra step to help people in their life struggles, someday they will do the same for you.
Some day that person you helped may be "The One Person That "Forever"  Changes Your Life."  That person could be waiting around the next corner. That person might be someone you meet "TODAY."

My challenge is for you to:

• Become the catalyst for change in another persons life!
• Become the person that someone will identify years into the future as the person that started a series of events that made their life infinitely better.
• Become a life changer!

Make it a habit and that habit that will serve you well.

Envision your Future!

September is a time of fresh starts and a time for endings.  Every year when I was teaching students would enter school full of hope and dreams. For some students they wished for a better year than they had before. 

Their goal was to have a fresh start, old habits were to be discarded, and new fresh ones would take their place. For some the dreams died, for others the dream became the reality.  Why do some succeed and others fail. Don’t you have dreams that reflect what you desire out of life? Most of us do,  but some of us never truly believe that they can possibly achieve their dreams.

In order to achieve anything in life, you must be able to envision your desired outcome with passion. In addition, you must wholeheartedly believe that you can achieve all that you desire.

Yes, I know this is easier said than done.

First, you must consciously believe that you are worthy of achieving everything you desire - as long as it is positive, moral and ethical. In spite of any negative feedback you may have received that caused you to lose faith in your ability to have it all, you can turn this all around right now.

All great achievements are the result of a productive, strategic thought process and a series of very specific actions that cause them to manifest in the world.

Do you think that an achievement such as the climbing of Mount Everest (the highest mountain in this world) can occur without very specific mental preparations far before the actual accomplishment takes place? No, it does not!

Now perhaps you are thinking, I tried goal setting so often, and it does not seem to work for me.... Perhaps I should just accept this sad fact for what it is!

Wrong again! Goal setting and achieving what you want out of life is not hard at all! The biggest problem often is that we do not set the right goals. Often our 'goals' are little more than wishes, vague dreams or hopes. I am here to show you how to set effective goals and take responsibility for turning your dreams into reality.

The first step in envisioning your future is determining what you truly want out of life!

What would this be for you?

Some of the things I truly wanted out of life were:

• The Choice to take part in work that is truly rewarding and meaningful
• The ability to champion people to achieve their dreams and upgrade their quality of life

 Since these were not hopes, wishes, or vague dreams but strong core desires. I have been successful. I achieved success without the struggle and exhaustive effort that many experience in the pursuit of their dreams by following these principles.

Now, you may want to begin this process by identifying your own deepest core desires.

• Think about it. What do you really want out of life?
• What do you feel you cannot live without for the rest of your life?
• Moreover, what would make you unhappy is you did not achieve it through the course of your life?
• How motivated are you on a scale from 1 - 10 (ten being most motivated) to achieve these core desires?
• What are you willing to 'sacrifice' (time, money, etc.) in order to achieve this result?

Now that you have determined at least one important desire that you have, the next step in the process is to envision yourself achieving it.

• What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?
• If you were invincible, how would you proceed with your plan to achieve your dreams?
• What sort of person would you have to be in order to achieve this dream?
• What would you have to do step-by-step to realize your achievement?
• What do you need for resources, and who will you partner with and receive coaching from in order to realize your dream

If you allow yourself to step into your true power, you will feel the inner peace, exhilaration, and strength that come from possessing a positive expectation for your life. Even if you don't yet believe that you can achieve your dreams and ultimate desires, know that this belief will soon follow your decision to live boldly in the pursuit of your passions.

The real trick

The real trick:

For confronting boredom is to ask more questions.

For tackling loneliness, it's to take more action.

For easing sadness, it's to think more of others.

To love life, is to dance to the music of your soul

Do you marvel at nature?

Do you marvel at nature? I do, it holds so many clues about living the life of your dreams, don't you think?

For instance, have you ever seen a mama duck waiting around for her ducklings to line up before crossing the street?

Never. Because she knows that the only way her ducklings are ever going to line up is if she just goes!

Just one of your ducklings

Accepting Criticism with grace

We all face criticism and how we face it speaks to our inner strength and our ability to understand others and ourselves.

If someone you trust, who you know has your best interests at heart,  gives you advice, invite, listen and think about what they have said. If you are being criticized by someone who you believe does not have your best interests at heart, it’s okay to set boundaries around uninvited criticism. It’s  okay to refuse to listen  to their voice, however,it very worth inviting criticism from the people who are really trying to help.

When you are feeling defensive it’s easy to interrupt and start defending yourself before the person criticizing you even gets a chance to finish what is being said. Resist the urge to jump in and cut off the person criticizing you. Place your full attention on the person speaking and wait until they've finished speaking and think before you respond.

Avoid the tendency to make someone wrong just because they’re criticizing you. No matter how awesome you are, chances are, there’s room for improvement. Be willing to be wrong.

Acknowledge what is being said. Recognize the courage it took for your criticizer to speak up. That doesn't mean you have to own what is being said, but it does mean you create safety for the criticizer by offering reassurance that it’s safe to criticize you. If you can, thank the person who criticized you. Assuming what was said was expressed with your best interests in mind, be grateful that you’re in a relationship with someone who wants to help you live a happier, healthier, more productive, more aligned life. It’s not easy to grow and evolve out of our unconscious habitual patterns. We can only do it with the support of those who are committed to helping lift us up.

Don’t automatically believe all criticism, but don’t automatically reject it all either. Consider the criticism and examine it to see if it feels true when you assess it  discerning what rings true for you and what doesn't is essential for your own personal growth.

Sometimes people criticize you when they’re really criticizing themselves, projecting onto you what they don’t like about themselves.

Don’t let unfair criticism poison your body, mind, or soul. If it’s your boss or your client criticizing you, you may have to just nod and suck it up. But if it’s someone you’re close to and the criticism doesn't feel accurate, voice your honest thoughts gently and without defensiveness.

If your criticizer is right, say so. It’s incredibly validating to the person going out on a limb to criticize you to feel heard and acknowledged if you deem it to be true.

If your criticizer is right, acknowledge the truth of how you could improve, but don’t beat yourself up. 

We all feel bruised after hearing criticism. Do what you can to comfort yourself with something pleasurable. Read a good book or watch a funny movie. Honor yourself for being such a good sport in the midst of criticism. Only when we’re humbly open to criticism can we grow into the best versions of ourselves.

What actually leads to lasting love?

You may be surprised but Science has an answer. Science is hardly romantic or sexy, but it's good for figuring out what works.

Here are a few scientifically proven truths about relationships.

First: Relationships develop in predictable stages.

Romance is only the FIRST stage and is not meant to last.

But most of us aren't aware of this, so when the going gets tough, it's easy to question whether we made the right choice to be with our partner. It is also hard work to work with your partner to work through the tough times, it is easier to leave and more than 50% of marriage still end in divorce or separation.

Second: You'll inevitably fall passionately in love with your reciprocal opposite.

But that passionate attraction comes at a price... GROWTH.

Because the person you're going to fall in love with is likely going to be the least compatible person in the universe for you.

So if you want to drive off into the sunset with them, you're going to have to grow and transform - together.

And transformation takes HARD WORK. Just ask any butterfly.

Thirdly Couples that don't fight, end up divorced.

Yip, research has proven this time and time again.

Why?

Because if you don't fight, you don't deal with your issues, and eventually your repressed issues will come back and bite you in the ass. After 45 yeas of marriage I know that fighting is normal in a relationship, so get rid of your ego and listen to your partner--they may be right.

Learn to fight in a way that brings you closer. Easy to say hard to do, but once you have learned this, you'll be able to resolve issues as they come up until there are none left.

By now, I hope you no longer believe that a healthy, loving relationship should be easy.

If you're struggling in your relationship right now, don't give up. Struggling is normal in the Power Struggle stage of a relationship

Instead, knuckle down and commit to doing your work.

WHAT "THE WORK" LOOKS LIKE

• Learn how to communicate without triggering each other
• Learn how to meet each other's unmet childhood needs
• Learn how to soothe each other during insecure times without her withdrawing or me getting clingy
• Learn to appreciate each other's differences. 

Underpinning Theories in Self Mastery

Many documents are recently published and written to help people consider self-mastery by focusing on the ancestors of psychology. Recent publications, document the focus on biological and cultural forms that border psychology. 

Other experts set out to understand the ideas that humans grace with your presence simultaneous through the natural process, psychological experiences, and the history and cultural contexts. 

Today, new discoveries has led many people to believe that at intersections of natural expansion lies amid cultural changes and effects that requires scientific studies to understand humans’ abilities to think, remember, and feel. It also led to the further investigations that help experts understand human behaviors. 

According to these forefathers an entity’s focus on natural and neural changes have underpinning echoes that send them to major trends to the modern days of psychological sciences. In addition, through the events experts are considering, the continuous development of technology - and how it factors into the major issues people are facing today, such as self-mastery development. 

The technological changes have paved the way to the expansions of highly developed understanding of the neural substrates of emotional and mental experiences. The recent understandings have led to the psychoanalytic and in to the culture. 

Other parties assisting in the studies, such as Drew and Kowalski made new discoveries, which led to natural and cultural establishments of potential constraints that hold people back from self-mastery because constraints control one’s feelings, actions, and thoughts. 

Many psychologists believe that the structure of the brain is set in parameters. It could be that the boundaries form an entity’s potential self-mastery abilities. 

Self-mastery is accomplished only when we check our values, belief system, against our behaviors and practices. These must be considered and are the underpinning issues that cause a person to struggle with his or her own emotional responses, memory, and the stress assumingly accountable for behaviors that are out of the way we  would ordinarily act. 

Scientists today are effortlessly working to discover ways to understand memory, mental disorders, and obedience. Questions came about while these studies were underway, which experts began to ask  for example, why people “of all cultures experience depression.” This led to other questions.

As questions continued to present themselves, experts took to following the schools of psychology to find answers that would help them inform others how to develop their skills. 

Despite the fact that these studies centered on mental illnesses and abnormal behaviors, it paved the way for the physiologist and others to apply the finding to the so-called normal. The thinking is that the so called normal could use many of the methods used in psychology to expand their self-mastery abilities and skills. We know this because many of these tactics are introduced into the self help markets. 

Some of the popular techniques that counselors has used to help people develop self-mastery skills include meditation, word association, observational learning, association learning, etcetera. Each of these methods are natural processes was introduced to the experts, long before anyone in psychology started using them. 

As new discoveries came available, many experts started to explore the potentials of these theories. Each theory however has driven the researchers back into the Western cultures where natural remedies are used to help those suffering with disorders to heal. 

These western solutions are promoted widely today and have proven effectively in assisting people with overcoming emotional, mental disturbances, and abnormal behaviors that ground them to the walls of self-destruction – which now they are finding ways to expand self-mastery skills and moving toward a brighter, better future. 

Listening Skills in Negotiations

Effective listening is just one powerful skill interrogators use that you can use to: gather
information about the person, make people like you, and win people to your way of
thinking. Listening plays a crucial role in negotiations like it does in interrogations to obtain
information.

Negotiators in crisis moments are faced with the dilemma of handling a subject's
frustration, anger, and rage. Many crisis situations involve a person who has experienced
intimate rejection, unemployment, or psychological problems.
When a raging abductor is holding someone hostage, the assigned negotiator had better
be prepared to deal with the situation. When you or the other person gets filled with anger,
and rearing to threaten and use other aggressive communication styles, you need to be
ready.

In an FBI publication, Gary Noesner, chief negotiator for the FBI's Critical Incident
Response Group, and Mike Webster, former police officer and leader of a private law
enforcement consulting firm, wrote an issue titled Crisis Intervention: Using Active
Listening Skills in Negotiations.

Noesner and Webster say that subjects often have dispersed thoughts and feelings that
themselves do not understand.

Active listening skills is an effective way of building understanding of the subject's thoughts
and feelings, for the subject and negotiator, to create an emotionally safe environment that
encourages open communication and empathy.

Overall, you persuade people and get them to like you, with a series of attentive listening
skills. By listening and showing your understanding of the person's perspective, while
earnestly caring through empathy, you show the person that you have taken their best
interests into your decisions. This gives you more charisma and persuasive power.
Noesener and Webster provide the following seven active listening skills:

1. Minimal encouragements – Say short phrases that show the person you are mindful
of what they are saying. Minimal encouragements include, “okay”, “I see”, and “uhhuh”.
Nodding your head is also a minimal encouragement that shows your
attentiveness.

2. Paraphrasing – Restate what the person says, though in your own words. Someone
says, “I don't want to sweep the floor.” In reply you could say, “You'd rather not
sweep the floor.” Contrast that paraphrasing statement with what most people
would threateningly say, “Sweep the floor now or I'll also make you wash the
dishes.” Remember that paraphrasing and other attentive listening skills aim to
assist your persuasive abilities while nurturing the relationship. By themselves, they
are not used to change behavior though that does occasionally happen.

3. Emotion labeling – Mention the emotions you see the person is experiencing about
the issue. Let's say you have a child who does not want to go to school. Instead of
giving an order, such as saying “go to school”, comment on the child's feelings
about not wanting to go to school. You could say, “I see you are disappointed in
having to go to school.” If the child confirms your statement, you have gained
valuable persuasive power. In crisis intervention, labeling emotions is powerful
because it helps the negotiator understand the other person's driving motives
behind their stance. When you understand where the person is emotionally coming
from, you are more able to get them to where you want them to be.

4. Mirroring – Restate a few of the person's last words. The person says to you, “Your
friend Bill does some really annoying things to me. I hate him.” You keep calm
because you have learned that demeanor, poise, and patience are charismatic
skills, before saying, “Hate him, uh?” This technique requires very little effort as it is
simple to use and it keeps other people talking – all the while you understand more
about the person, boost your charisma, and increase your persuasive power.
5. Open-ended questions – Ask questions that get the person talking. A few examples
of open-ended questions that you can use in many situations include: “Could you
explain that a little more?” “What do you mean?” and “What are you thoughts about
that?”

6. “I” messages – Personalize your communication by saying “I” messages.
Negotiators may fall into the trap of talking impersonally by talking as if the person
represents several people. Instead of saying, “that isn't a good decision because it
is ignorant”, you could say, “I don't like that decision because it ignores my concerns
of...” Using “I” in your conversations makes you own the experiences in your
statements.

7. Effective pauses – Just be silent. Negotiators may feel the need to fill silence with
unnecessary words, which detracts from their persuasive abilities. Silence is a
technique you must use to: handle intense emotions, give the other person an
opportunity for reflection, and enable both persons to express clear messages for a
better understanding. Effective pauses also allow you to reflect on your persuasion
efforts. This allows you to determine what is the ideal path for your charisma and
persuasive power in the conversation that lays ahead.

Why Event Planning Skills are Important

There are many things in life that are very important to our self esteem and whether you actually know it or not there are actually plenty of characteristics that go along with owning an event planning business that may also be useful in real life as well. If you are not one of the professional event planners in the event planning industry then chances are that you don't know about all the specifics that goes on within an event planner's life and daily routine. However, there are many aspects of the event planning professional's personality that could benefit someone in their life apart from their event planning duties. Indeed, event planning skills are very important and here are some areas where the daily routine of an event planner may coincide with that of a regular individual.

Organization: many event planning professionals have some of the best organizational skills out of everyone in the business world and it seems as though their profession would even call for it. Just as an event planner has to stay organized in order to know which of their scheduled events is the next day and which is the next week, so too are there plenty of opportunities and room for improvement in many other people's life when it comes to organization. In fact, organization is one area in which many people struggle throughout their life. An event planning professional is a highly organized person and it is an important quality to emulate!

People Skills: Many people may turn down the job of an event planner simply because they realize that it requires a great deal of people skills in order to succeed. However, the outgoing nature of someone who own an event planning business is very key to thriving in the industry in the first place. One needs to have the self-esteem in order to contact individuals about large events that need to be planned, and they also need the confidence with which to do their job. On the other hand there are plenty of individuals who go throughout life with very low self-esteem, a low profile of self-worth and self-image, but these are areas that an event planner actually excels at!

Discipline and Control: These two qualities are very important of anyone who owns and controls an event planning business. There are many different scenarios where an event planner may have to display their discipline and control, but these two characteristics of their personality should actually show through throughout their whole career. On the flip side, many non-event planners could take a lesson from the event planners in the industry simply because many people lack the discipline in order to get the things done that they need to have accomplished. Fostering that discipline within yourself, though, is one key to being a happier person altogether!

After everything is said and done, though, one can easily see where event planning skills are very crucial in everyday life for most people. Even though it's unrealistic to think that most everyone should become an event planner just to be able to have these skills, as human beings we definitely should take a lesson from them!

Watch Out for These Boundary Bombs

The following was posted by Barb Wade in Sept but I thought it was interesting and I am sharing it with you.

Barb Wade specializes in teaching entrepreneurs how to make more money more easily while enjoying a business and lifestyle that reflects their priorities

They say, “good fences make good neighbors.” And good boundaries cultivate good relationships.

But sometimes even the most evolved, grounded, and conscious of us can have difficulty holding our healthy boundaries. It is so easy to get caught up in other people’s dramas, problems, and skirmishes, and “blow apart” your own very necessary personal and professional borderlines.

Having healthy boundaries is part of The Wealthy Life. It is only in knowing what matters to you, and keeping those priorities straight and protected, that your life can be balanced and joyful.

That’s why I wanted to jot down a few “Boundary Bombs” that can be the triggers that can cause you to cross the line and not honor your priorities and guidelines.  

What Are My Boundaries? It’s impossible to hold boundaries you don’t have or are confused about. Most people are not completely without boundaries, it’s just that we get a little fuzzy about them. It’s important to get clear on what is healthy for you and what your “willing to do” and “not willing to do” in your business and your life. Otherwise, you can let others easily encroach on your boundaries and then get resentful (without even knowing why!).

Your Emergency Is Not My Emergency! Let’s face it; most “emergencies” are not. Life and death health problems, a car crash, a hurricane, your stove explodes – those are real emergencies. Everything else are challenges, many of which are not time critical. Almost all of the “urgent” emails you get are really someone else’s “emergency.” This can be a hard boundary to hold because most people present their problems as if their hair is on fire.

Stop Judging Me!
Sometimes we are afraid of being judged by others when we hold our boundaries. Like when someone calls with an “emergency” (see above) and even though you have your own plans or things to deal with, you drop everything to help them because you’re scared of them thinking that you’re not a good friend or that you’re not there for them.

You Like Me, You Really Like Me! Everyone wants to be liked and seen as a loving, helpful, and reliable. And it’s easy to fall prey to that kind of praise. No one wants to be seen as selfish and uncaring. The real problem comes down to self-respect. You set the tone for how others will treat you and think of you. First and foremost, you need to make sure you are not abandoning what’s important to you in order to “look good.” People will follow your lead and your example encourages them to hold their own self-care boundaries. Otherwise, it’s like you’re mom always said, they won’t respect you in the morning.

Yes Is the New No Every time you say “yes” to something - a request, a commitment - you are essentially saying “no” to something else. This is called the “opportunity cost.” We are told by popular media that we can “have it all” and “do everything we want to do.” But those of us who live in the real world know that time is finite and you just can’t do everything. That doesn’t mean that you should automatically turn everything down. Just be conscious of what saying “yes” means and don’t let it compromise other commitments (even just to yourself).

Obviously I’m not advocating using your boundaries as a weapon in order to snub people and keep them away. But not being able to set and hold reasonable limits can actually allow your business and personal relationships to collapse into codependence and decay. 

So get clear on the parameters that support your life and well-being and encourage others to honor their own needs as well. That will go a long way in forming long lasting and fruitful partnerships.      

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Business Coach & Mentor Barb Wade specializes in teaching entrepreneurs how to make more money more easily while enjoying a business and lifestyle that reflects their priorities. Download Barb's "Word-for-Word Scripts To Overcome Objections" and book more high-paying clients now at www.BarbWade.com

Success quotes

No matter where you're at in your quest for success, on this last day of February (and for those in Australia, the first day of Autumn)  these quotes will give your spirit a boost.

1. If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. -- Mary Pickford

2. It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. -- Theodore Roosevelt

3. When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. -- Audre Lord

4. Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed. -- Abraham Lincoln

5. Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. -- Winston Churchill

6. Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. -- Albert Einstein

7. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. -- Truman Capote

8. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. -- Thomas Edison

9. Nobody talks of entrepreneurship as survival, but that's exactly what it is. -- Anita Roddick

10. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -- Bill Cosby

11. Success is most often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable. -- Coco Chanel

12. Eighty percent of success is showing up. -- Woody Allen.

13. What could we accomplish if we knew we could not fail? -- Eleanor Roosevelt

14. Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. -- Dale Carnegie

15. It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. -- Herman Melville

16. Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time. -- George Bernard Shaw

17. If you care about what you do and work hard at it, there isn't anything you can't do if you want to. -- Jim Henson

18. The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. -- Ayn Rand

19. I think if you do something and it turns out pretty good, then you should go do something else wonderful, not dwell on it for too long. Just figure out what's next. -- Steve Jobs

20. Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run -- in the long-run, I say! -- success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it. -- Viktor E. Frankl

Motivation

When it comes to motivation, I focus on whats ahead of me rather than whats behind. I plan for the future and I have a firm belief that our personal journey in life needs to be given time to blossom. 

Ask yourself this:

 'WHAT CAN I DO TODAY, THIS WEEK, THIS MONTH TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE OR EVEN SOMEONE ELSE S LIFE?'

Decisive actions are the key to making progress, and sometimes we will experience pain, unfortunately that is part of life but it is what meaning we create from that pain that determines whether we get back up and carry on or we throw the towel in. Look deep inside yourself and work out who you really are, what it is you really want and make a clear decision to do something positive. You have the power to do what ever it is you want in life, so whats stopping you? If you know what that conflict is then write it down, understand why it is stopping you and make the necessary changes to eliminate that fear. It takes time to heal and it takes time to evolve but your journey has to start somewhere.