To the love of my life, lets dance.

 In the poetry of life, the dance unfolds,

A burning violin, a tale to be told.

Dance me to your beauty, an enchanting embrace,

In the rhythm of kindness, a harmonious grace.

 

Through the panic of life, let kindness guide,

A dance that soothes, like a tranquil tide.

Gather me safely in your compassionate arms,

In the dance of empathy, where kindness warms.

 

Lift me as an olive branch, a symbol of peace,

In the dance of benevolence, worries cease.

Be my homeward dove, soaring above,

In the dance of generosity, boundless love.

 

To the end of love, let the dance extend,

A timeless waltz, a bond that won't bend.

In the ballroom of life, with stars above,

Witness the dance of kindness, a dance of love.

 

The burning violin plays a melody sweet,

In the dance of compassion, two hearts beat.

As kindness leads, in steps so light,

Dancing to the end of love, through the night.

 

So, let the dance continue, an eternal spin,

In the poetry of kindness, where spirits begin.

Dance me through the chapters, hand in glove,

A dance of kindness, a dance of endless love.

Movies for Valentines Day

This Sunday to celebrate Valentines day, why not cuddle up with a good romantic movie. Here are some ideas Source

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Starring: Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan

What It's About: Harry (Crystal) meets Sally (Ryan) when she gives him a ride to New York after they both graduate from the University of Chicago. They part ways, deciding that a man and woman can't simply be friends without romantic feelings getting in the way. They run into each other several times over the years, always facing the same question: Are they just friends, or is their relationship something more?

Pride and Prejudice (1995)

Starring: Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle

What It's About: In this adaptation of Jane Austen's classical romance, when Elizabeth Bennet (Ehle), from a middle-class family, meets young and wealthy Mr. Darcy (Firth) at a local ball, it is hatred at first sight. Though Mr. Darcy is proud and reserved, his fondness for Elizabeth -- and her attraction to him -- is slowly revealed, despite the prejudice between 19th century classes.

Love Story (1970)

Starring: Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal

What It's About: A wealthy Harvard Law student (O'Neal) falls in love with a music student (MacGraw), despite their opposite backgrounds. His family disowns him when they marry, and they continue to build their life together, only being able to rely on each other.

Pretty Woman (1990)

Starring: Richard Gere and Julia Roberts

What It's About: A successful and wealthy lawyer (Gere) travels to Los Angeles for a business trip and hires a female escort (Roberts) to accompany him for a week of swanky parties and business dinners.

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Starring: Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard

Run Time: 115 minutes

What It's About: A struggling writer (Peppard) moves into an apartment building on Manhattan's swanky East Side and becomes intrigued by his pretty and quirky socialite neighbor (Hepburn).

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

Starring: Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan

Run Time: 105 minutes

What It's About: A recent widower (Hanks) and his son move from Chicago to Seattle to escape the grief of his wife's death. OnChristmas Eve, he calls in to a national radio show and pours his heart out about how much he still misses his wife. This catches the attention of a Baltimore-based newspaper writer (Ryan), who falls in love with him immediately, despite being engaged to be married.

An Affair to Remember (1957)

Starring: Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr

What It's About: A handsome playboy (Grant) and a beautiful nightclub singer (Kerr) have a whirlwind romance on a cruise from Europe to New York -- despite both being engaged to other people. They agree to reunite six months later at the top of Empire State Building, but fate deals them a complicated hand.

Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)

Starring: Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, and Julianne Moore

What It's About: A middle-aged husband's (Carell) world is turned upside down when his wife (Moore) unexpectedly asks him for a divorce. He meets a young bachelor (Gosling) at a bar, who teaches him how to rediscover himself by picking up girls at bars. 

The Notebook (2004)

Starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, Gena Rowlands, and James Garner

What It's About: A poor and passionate man (Gosling) meets a wealthy and adventurous young woman (McAdams) at a carnival one night. They fall in love, but are soon separated against their will by social differences. Fate brings them back together years later, and they try to make their summer love transition into lifelong commitment.

Love Actually (2003)

Starring: Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Laura Linney, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, and Keira Knightley

What It's About: During the frantic month before Christmas in London, Love Actually follows eight couples -- all loosely interconnected with each other -- as they fall in and out of love, some finding themselves with the wrong people and others still searching for the right people.

Casablanca (1942)

Starring: Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman

What It's About: Rick Blaine (Bogart), a cynical American expatriate, runs a nightclub in the Moroccan city of Casablanca during the early days of World War II. Ex-love Ilsa Lund (Bergman) unexpectedly comes back into his life, but she's now married to a renowned Czech Resistance leader. Eventually Rick discovers he's not so cynical after all, giving up all hope of reuniting with Ilsa by making it possible for her and her husband to safely leave the country.

Ghost (1990)

Starring: Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore

Run Time: 127 minutes

What It's About: A bank executive (Swayze) is murdered during a botched mugging after a date with his girlfriend (Moore). He then finds himself walking Earth as a ghost, and seeks out help from a spiritualist to communicate to his girlfriend the danger that she is in.

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Starring: Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman

What It's About: A lonely young train ticket collector (Bullock) rescues an unconscious commuter (Pullman) from certain death after he falls onto the rails. While visiting him at the hospital, a nurse tells his family that she's his fiancee and she doesn't have the courage to correct them -- will she be able to keep up the charade?

Say Anything (1989)

Run Time: 100 minutes

What It's About: An improbable couple -- the class valedictorian with an overprotective father (Skye) and a well-meaning underachiever (Cusack) -- fall in love after their high school graduation, and have to go against the opinions of their families and friends to be together, in addition to having to make a big decision at summer's end.

Dirty Dancing (1987)

Starring: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey

What It's About: A privileged doctor's daughter (Grey) falls for a dance instructor (Swayze) while vacationing with her family at a resort in the Catskills. She fills in as his dance partner and they fall in love as he teaches her the routine, a love that is tested by a complicated turn of events and pressures from her family.

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes

What It's About: A young Shakespeare (Fiennes) is struggling with his latest work and is in search of a muse. A wealthy woman who is about to be married (Paltrow) auditions for his latest play disguised as a man, but he soon sees through it and they wind up caught in a forbidden romance.

Notting Hill (1999)

Starring: Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts

What It's About: A travel bookstore owner in Notting Hill (Grant) falls for an extremely popular American actress (Roberts) when she enters his shop. They eventually become friends, with the possibility of romance on the horizon, until her very public life starts to get in the way.

A Room with a View (1985)

Starring: Helena Bonham Carter, Maggie Smith, and Julian Sands

What It's About: A young Englishwoman (Carter) travels to Florence, Italy in the early 1900s with her chaperone (Smith). There, she meets a quiet and eccentric man (Sands). Upon her return to England, she must decide whether to follow through with her marriage to her stoic fiance, or follow her heart and her growing attraction for the man she met in Italy.

Return to Me (2000)

Starring: David Duchovny and Minnie Driver

What It's About: A happily married man's (Duchovny) life changes when his wife dies from complications after a car accident. A young woman (Driver) is given a second chance at life with a heart transplant, and helps her grandfather run an Irish-theme restaurant. The two meet at the restaurant and fall in love, but complications ensue when the woman learns her heart transplant came from his wife.

Out of Africa (1985)

Starring: Meryl Streep and Robert Redford

What It's About: A Danish woman (Streep) marries a friend for the title of Baroness and moves with him to an English colony in Africa to start a coffee plantation. There, her husband becomes unfaithful and she becomes taken with a big-game hunter (Redford) who doesn't want to settle down.

The Sound of Music (1965)

Starring: Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer

What It's About: In 1930's Austria, a young woman (Andrews) leaves her convent to care for the seven mischievous children of a retired naval captain (Plummer). The two eventually find themselves falling in love, even though he is engaged and she is still a postulant.

Emma (1996)

Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, James Cosmo, and Greta Scacchi

What It's About: A young woman (Paltrow) in rural 19th century England plays her town's matchmaker in an adaption of Jane Austen's classic novel. Her rather unsuccessful attempts at matchmaking on her unsuspecting friends lead to complications, especially as she finally realizes the person she truly loves.

Bull Durham (1988

Starring: Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon, and Tim Robbins

What It's About: An aging minor-league baseball player (Costner) is brought to the Class A Durham Bulls to mature the team'spitcher, a wild rookie (Robbins). The team groupie (Sarandon) romances them both, creating a comic love triangle. 

Can't Buy Me Love (1987)

Starring: Patrick Dempsey and Amanda Peterson

Run Time: 94 minutes

What It's About: A nerdy high schooler (Dempsey) makes a pricey deal with one of the popular girls (Peterson) to be his girlfriend for a month and help him get noticed by the cool crowd. As the month passes, she slowly starts to fall for him, but he is so consumed with his newfound popularity that he doesn't notice.

Somewhere in Time (1980)

Starring: Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour

What It's About: A young writer (Reeve) uses self-hypnosis to will himself to 1912 after seeing a photograph of a beautiful young woman (Seymour) and deciding he must meet her.

French Kiss (1995)

Starring: Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline

What It's About: Fear of flying keeps a young woman (Ryan) from following her fiance to Paris for a medical convention. While there, he becomes smitten with a French woman and calls off their wedding, so she boards a plane to get him back. A petty French thief (Kline), who sits next to her en route, hides a few things in her bag to get it through customs. An interesting turn of events finds the two traveling together to Cannes -- each with a different motive -- which changes the course of both of their lives.

The greatest perk

The greatest perk, among countless others, that comes from loving someone right now, just exactly as they are, instead of waiting for them to change, is that you get to love someone right now!

Does it Spark Joy?

Author, Marie Kondo, proposes a very simple selection criterion about what to keep or throw out of your life. She asks the following question: 

"Does it spark joy?"

That's it!  Look at something and ask yourself if that thing sparks a sense of joy in you.  If so - it can stay, if not - it goes.

She says: "Keep only the those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest." 

So as stumble into fall and the last half of 2015, I suggest you apply this same approach to all areas of your life. Ask yourself honestly if the people, places, things and situations around you spark joy.  If not, start choosing some changes.

I know I can always use more joy in my life, so let's start with Andre Rieu version of Beethoven's work Ode To Joy

Joy, bright spark of divinity,
Daughter of Elysium,
Fire-inspired we tread
Thy sanctuary.
Thy magic power re-unites
All that custom has divided,
All men become brothers
Under the sway of thy gentle wings.

Whoever has created
An abiding friendship,
Or has won
A true and loving wife,
All who can call at least one soul theirs,
Join in our song of praise ;
But any who cannot must creep tearfully
Away from our circle.

All creatures drink of joy
At nature's breast.
Just and unjust
Alike taste of her gift ;
She gave us kisses and the fruit of the vine,
A tried friend to the end.
Even the worm can fell contentment,
And the cherub stands before God !

Gladly, like the heavenly bodies
Which He set on their courses
Through the splendour of the firmament ;
Thus, brothers, you should run your race,
As a hero going to conquest.

You millions, I embrace you.
This kiss is for all the world !
Brothers, above the starry canopy
There must dwell a loving Father.
Do you fall in worship, you millions ?
World, do you know your Creator ?
Seek Him in the heavens !
Above the stars must He dwell.

Keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar

At my Nephews wedding my younger brother and his wife gave a short speech. My brother and his wife are fairly conservative. Before the speech, my brother said to me, as I congratulated him on the bible reading he had done at the ceremony, "I hope that I don't blow my next speech, I have some humour in the speech, and I hope that everyone gets it and laughs" I told him I would lead the laughter if needed.

What my brother had to say surprised all of us and here is one of the things he had to say about marriage and how to keep a healthy relationship. (I hope I do his speech justice)

"Rule number 10 for a happy marriage, Keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar. Now, not many people know about the Jelly Bean Jar, but when your mom and I were married, we had to go for marriage lessons. The first lesson the minister told us was to keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar. We  must of looked confused, because the minister said, "what you do is you go out and buy a great big jar and fill it with Jelly Beans, and every time you make love in the first year of your marriage you take a Jelly Bean out of the Jar." He continued, "by the end of the first year the Jelly Bean Jar will be empty. For the rest of your life, every time you make love, put a Jelly Bean back into the Jar and by the end of your life, hopefully the Jelly Bean Jar will be full again." 

My brother continued to say that he and his wife had been together for 44 years and that they continued to fill the Jelly Bean Jar. I watched his two sons, and daughter faces as they move from puzzlement to laughter. The whole room lit up with laughter and my brother had to wait for the room to calm down before he and his wife continued with the other rules of keeping a marriage strong.

My brother ended the speech by saying, " Marriage is not just about Jelly Beans, it is about commitment to each other, helping and supporting each other and growing in joy with each other." He then pulled out a bag and asked his son and his new wife to come up as he said he and his wife had a present for them. My brother opened the bad and presented his son and his new wife with a big jar filled with Jelly Beans. The audience loved it.

Valentine’s Day

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. - Anais Nin

The history of Valentine's Day--and the story of its patron saint--is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first "valentine" greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl--possibly his jailor's daughter--who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine," an expression that is still in use today.

Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and--most importantly--romantic figure

Valentine's Day: A Pagan Festival in February

Some claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to "Christianize" the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. 

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat's hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman.

Valentine's Day: A Day of Romance

Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”--at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine's did not begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt

Today more than 141 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine's Day the second-most popular greeting-card-giving occasion. (This total excludes packaged kids valentines for classroom exchanges.) (Source: Hallmark research)

We continue to look for love, but the older males may have a better chance than the younger men:

There are 119 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) who are in their 20s for every 100 single women of the same ages. Corresponding numbers for the following race and ethnic groups are:

• Hispanics: 153 men per 100 women
• Asians (single race): 132 men per 100 women (This ratio is not significantly different from that for Hispanics or non-Hispanic whites.)
• Non-Hispanic whites (single race): 120 men per 100 women
• Blacks (single race): 92 men per 100 women (The numbers of black men and women in this age group are not significantly different from one another.

There are 34 single men (i.e., never married, widowed or divorced) age 65 or older for every 100 single women of the same ages. Corresponding numbers for the following race and ethnic groups are:

• Hispanics: 38 men per 100 women
• Non-Hispanic whites (single race): 33 men per 100 women
• Blacks (single race): 33 men per 100 women
• Asians (single race): 28 men per 100 women

(Note: None of the ratios for the individual groups differs significantly from one another nor from the ratio for all people age 65 or older.)

904: The number of dating service establishments nationwide as of 2002

2.2 million marriages take place in the United States annually. That breaks down to more than 6,000 a day. 35th.

The estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage for women and men are 25.9 and 27.6 respectively, in 2008. The age for women rose 4.2 years in the last three decades. The age for men at first marriage is up 3.6 years.

70%: The percentage of men and women ages 30 to 34 in 2008 who had been married at some point in their lives - either currently or formerly.

Candy is Dandy

The per capita consumption of candy by Americans in 2005 was 25.7 pounds. Candy consumption has actually declined over the last few years; in 1997, each American gobbled or savored more than 27 pounds of candy a year. Valentine’s day is one of those days that adds to the the use of Candy as a gift.

Today is a special day

From About.com
 Leap Year has been the traditional time that women can propose marriage. In many of today's cultures, it is okay for a woman to propose marriage to a man. Society doesn't look down on such women. However, that hasn't always been the case. When the rules of courtship were stricter, women were only allowed to pop the question on one day every four years. That day was February 29th.

St. Bridget's Complaint
It is believed this tradition was started in 5th century Ireland when St. Bridget complained to St. Patrick about women having to wait for so long for a man to propose. According to legend, St. Patrick said the yearning females could propose on this one day in February during the leap year.

February 29th in English Law
According to English law, February 29th was ignored and had no legal status. Folks assumed that traditions would also have no status on that day. It was also reasoned that since the leap year day existed to fix a problem in the calendar, it could also be used to fix an old and unjust custom that only let men propose marriage.

The first documentation of this practice dates back to 1288, when Scotland supposedly passed a law that allowed women to propose marriage to the man of their choice in that year. Tradition states they also made it law that any man who declined a proposal in a leap year must pay a fine. The fine could range from a kiss to payment for a silk dress or a pair of gloves.

Sadie Hawkins Day
In the United States, some people have referred to the first Saturday in November as Sadie Hawkins Day with women being given the right to run after unmarried men to propose.

Sadie Hawkins was a female character in the Al Capp comic strip Li'l Abner. Many communities prefer to celebrate Sadie Hawkins Day in November because Al Capp first mentioned Sadie Hawkins Day on November 15, 1937.  However Sadie Hawkins day became associated with Leap Year.

Happy Birthday to my daughter

As you celebrate another birthday,  (you get to celebrate for two days, one for the Canadian Date and one for the Australian Date, lucky you)I just want to reaffirm my love for you and the pride I have because you are who you are. You come from a long line of strong, determined women, both on your mom's side and my side of your family. Your great, great, great grandmother on your mom's side left her home in Newfoundland to follow the man she loved to BC--he left because he was opposed to the killing of the baby seals. Her travelling to BC, in the early 1900's was a brave act for anyone. Your grandmother on your mom's side was a leader in her union and fought hard for women's rights, in a time when few would stand up for health and safety of woodworkers, she was one of the leaders to make the woods safe. (I hope that you get a chance to spend more time with her and hear her story).

On my side my grandmother on both my dads side and my moms side left the safety of their  homes and travelled to start new lives in a new country and from all accounts were strong, determined, feisty women who stood up for themselves and challenged conventional thinking about the roles of women in their society.

When you were born, I was so proud and filled with love, as I watched you grow from my baby girl through to the woman you are today. My love and admiration for you is still strong. I am proud of you and the life that you have chosen and made for yourself. You are doing all of the women in your family who have come before you proud.

You are a determined, creative, bright, fun loving, smart, beautiful, courageous, strong, and caring woman and I am proud to call you my little girl. So celebrate your day and enjoy the love that you have with Adam and your friends and remember I am here for you . So hear my voice in the following as I sing to you on this your birthday:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday  dear Danielle
Happy birthday to you

thinking of Fathers Day

My father was killed in an accident when I was in my early 20's and I never was able to resolve the disputes that fathers and sons grow into as boys become teens and then men. As a teen, my father and I at times did not see eye to eye on many issues, and as I think back I realize that on some of these he was correct and on others I probably was correct.

Sudden death of a parent or a partner is unsettling, and can have long term affects on a person. When my father was killed I did not know about the stages of grieving and went through the stages with my wife whose support was strong and needed. One of the interesting things that occurred is that as the oldest son, the role of what I had to do was well defined by my mom's family. Because of the expectations given to me, I was able to handle the role and fitting into the role, helped me through some of the steps in the grieving process, but during this time I was probably not a nice person to those that wanted to help and support me.

So as you think of your Father on Fathers day, enjoy the day, and embrace the feelings that you have for each other. As we grow older, many of our generation, will start to loose their parents and my wish is that you are able to resolve any and all issues that you have in a meaningful manner. As our parents become seniors, they may have a need to tell their story, I hope you take the time to listen and cherish your parents story as it is also part of your story.

There is always some madness in love

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

Back in 2006 the folks at National Geographic ran an article that showed the Nietzsche may have been correct. 
"To be madly in love might be exactly that—madness. The term “lovesick” is surprisingly accurate, claims a cover story in this month’s National Geographic magazine, citing research published over the last several years.  People experiencing romantic love have a chemical profile in their brains similar to that of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, noted the author, psychologist Lauren Slater.

The Science quoted in the article is below:

• Love lights up areas of the brain linked to reward and pleasure, the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus. It releases chemical messengers such as dopamine that, in the right proportions, provoke intense energy, focused attention, recklessness and exhilaration.
• Doing novel things together triggers dopamine in the brain, stimulating feelings of attraction. So first encounters that involve a nerve-wracking activity, like riding a roller coaster, are more likely to lead people to pursue a relationship.
• Love also could be as simple as following our noses. Swiss researchers asked women to choose which T-shirts worn by a variety of men smelled the best. They found women preferred the scent of a shirt worn by a man whose genes were most different from their own—genes possibly linked to an immune system that has something theirs does not. In this way a woman may boost her chance of having healthy offspring.
• Love and obsessive-compulsive disorder could have a similar chemical profile: low levels of the brain chemical serotonin. Thus, love and mental illness may be hard to tell apart.
• For those wishing to escape the grip of runaway passion, there is hope: Prozac, the medication that increases the amount of the serotonin available at the junctures between brain cells. Prozac jeopardizes one’s ability to fall in love, and stay in love, by dulling the keen edge of love and its associated libido. 
• Studies around the world show that passion usually ends. Biologically speaking, the reason romantic love fades may be found in the way our brains respond to the surge and pulse of dopamine. Perhaps the brain adapts to the excessive amounts, and the neurons become desensitized.
• Anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J., suggests relationships often break up after about four years because that’s how long it takes to raise a child through infancy. Fisher is the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, a 2004 book.
• Oxytocin, a chemical thought to be plentiful in long-term couples with warm, comfortable relationships, is a hormone that promotes feelings of connection and bonding. It is released when we hug our children or our long-term spouses or when a mother nurses her infant. In long-term relationships that never get off the ground, chances are the couple has not found a way to stimulate or sustain oxytocin production.
• Fisher has also proposed that human romantic love evolved out of an “attraction system” shared by mammals and birds.
• “Mammals and birds express mate preferences and make mate choices,” Fisher and two colleagues wrote in the Oct. 27 issue of the Journal of Comparative Neurology. Data suggest this attraction system is linked to reward-processing brain areas that use dopamine, as in humans, they added. 
• “We propose that this attraction mechanism evolved to enable individuals to focus their mating energy on specific others, thereby conserving energy and facilitating mate choice.”

Interesting reading for all of you in love, so if the scientists are able to analyze the nature of love, as Peggy Lee asked Is that all there is?

The romantics, the writers of love songs, and love stories,  and the poets would beg to differ and I am on the side of the romantics and the people who are mad on this point, aren't you?

When I'm 64

There will be some interest, I think in the fact that the first of the Baby Boomers turn 64 this year and the old Beatles song will be talked about by the pundits and those who want to make more about the aging of the boomers then we do. My take is that the song is not about being 64 but the song is about the sustaining of relationships. The lyrics are about how to keep love alive and the need we have to know that the relationship we are in is the correct one for us.

I had an interesting conversation the other day with three young colleagues (two men and one woman), it was after school and they were talking about how to know if a relationship was good and what they could do to maintain. I was asked my views and I suspect they thought that they thought with the wisdom of age I would have the answer. Sorry to disappoint but we as boomers value relationships, but many of us are not good at keeping them. All I could talk about is the following:

The idea is that we need to be honest to our selves about what we want and what we need, at an emotional, physical, and intellectual level. To find out what we need requires hard thought, and self investigation and is not something that is done easily. However, once you have spent the time and energy to find these things about yourself then be honest and communicate using "I language" to your partner what you need. It may be that your partner cannot give you what you need at this time in your life. If this is the case move on. This is easy to say but hard to do, however if you want to be happy then you may have to make tough decisions about the type of relationship you want.

Back to the Beatles, I saw the Beatles when they came to Vancouver in the 60's and enjoyed the show and love their music still today. Boomers may hold on to old memories but we find ways to make them come alive today. Music was an important part of my life and I will talk about this in a later post.