Self-Esteem After Retirement

If we have strong self esteem we can overcome many of the hurdles life throws at us, and we can stay healthy and continue to contribute to society and to our families. If self esteem goes then we may not see value in our lives and we may end up doing things that are unhealthy for us and contribute to a shorter life expectancy.

However research shows that  unfortunately for us bad vision and other physical ailments aren't the only things that seem to get worse as people grow old. Self-esteem also declines around the age of retirement, a new study finds.

The study involved 3,617 American men and women ranging in age from 25 to 104. Self-esteem was lowest among young adults, but increased throughout adulthood, peaking at age 60, before it started to decline.

Several factors might explain this trend, the researchers say. Midlife is a time of highly stable work, family and romantic relationships. People increasingly occupy positions of power and status, which might promote feelings of self-esteem," said study author Richard Robins of the University of California, Davis. "In contrast, older adults may be experiencing a change in roles such as an empty nest, retirement and obsolete work skills in addition to declining health."

The participants were surveyed four times between 1986 and 2002. They were asked  to rate their level of agreement with statements such as: "I take a positive attitude toward myself," which suggests high self-esteem; "At times I think I am no good at all," and "All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure," which both suggest low self-esteem.

Subjects also indicated their demographics, relationship satisfaction, and whether they had experienced stressful life events, including suddenly losing a job, being the victim of a violent crime, or experiencing the death of a parent or child.

On average, women had lower self-esteem than men throughout most of adulthood, but self-esteem levels converged as men and women reached their 80s and 90s. Blacks and whites had similar self-esteem levels throughout young adulthood and middle age. In old age, average self-esteem among blacks dropped much more sharply than self-esteem among whites. This result held even after accounting for differences in income and health.

Future research should further explore these ethnic differences, which might lead to better interventions aimed at improving self-esteem, the study authors say.

Education, income, health and employment status all had some effect on the self-esteem trajectories, especially as people aged.

"People who have higher incomes and better health in later life tend to maintain their self-esteem as they age," Orth said.

"We cannot know for certain that more wealth and better health directly lead to higher self-esteem, but it does appear to be linked in some way. For example, it is possible that wealth and health are related to feeling more independent and better able to contribute to one's family and society, which in turn bolsters self-esteem."

People of all ages in satisfying and supportive relationships tend to have higher self-esteem, according to the findings.

However, despite maintaining higher self-esteem throughout their lives, people in happy relationships experienced the same drop in self-esteem during old age as people in unhappy relationships.

"Thus, being in a happy relationship does not protect a person against the decline in self-esteem that typically occurs in old age," said study author Kali H. Trzesniewski of the University of Western Ontario.

With medical advances, the drop in self-esteem might occur later for baby boomers, Orth said. Boomers might be healthier for longer and, therefore, able to work and earn money longer.

The results are published in the April 2010 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

How to Build Self Worth

My thanks to Bruce for this idea

Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy.

So if you can change the way you think about yourself, you can change your self worth.

How can you change the way you think?

Well, you have to change those good ol' belief systems in your subconscious mind.  Here are a few ways to do this:

1) At the end of each day, write a list of all the things that you were successful at - no matter how big or small. Acknowledge yourself for a job well done and allow yourself to feel good about what you accomplished today. This trains your mind to notice the value that you add through your daily achievements. Over time, you begin to realize what an incredible person you are.

2) One way to do this is to write what you accomplish each day on a piece of 3x5 card immediately after you have completed it.

By the end of my day, you should feel so good about yourself looking at your accomplishments that you will feel valuable.

Over time, doing this will boost your self-worth and you'll be attracting more opportunities to make more money into your world.

 There is a faster way to boost your self-worth however

3) The quickest way to access your subconscious mind is through your imagination. It was Albert Einstein that said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge" and I think Albert knew what he was talking about!

If you can imagine yourself as the kind of person that values themselves, doing the things a person who values themselves would do, you're in business.

Perhaps love is not all you need

Love is all you need said the Beatles as well as John Fogerty (in an interview I heard with him recently), but a friend said to me perhaps love is not enough, I listened as he went on to finish his thought. I don't know how people can stay together for so long. He had just come back from a vacation, where he had stayed with old friends who had been together for years. He was commenting on the strife and tension that he had seen in the two couples (one heterosexual and  one homosexual).


Tension and strife are part of any long or short term relationship, it is how you work through the issues that is important. The two couples love each other and were into committed relationships, but my friend found the tension between the couples very stressful, thus the comment.

I think the research shows that if a person is in a long term loving relationship they will be happier and live longer than those who are not in long term relationships.

My friend had also lost his long term partner and was just starting to come out of the grieving process and is I think, in the process of discovery of what he wants to do and what how he wants to live the rest of his life, so looking at others and his relationship issues is a starting point of discovery for my friend.

Life is short and we have to find our passion and continue to build and focus on our own hopes, desires, and dreams. Only by doing this will we be able to find happiness within and then reach out and allow loving relationships to grow because I still believe that love is all you need for inner peace and my hope is that my friend will come to this idea eventually.

21 Traits Of An Awakening Soul

Waking Times first published at  ZenGardner.com on May 23, 2013

You can say its because of a global shift in consciousness, a destiny we have arrived at due to spiritual evolution, or the outcome of strange times, but, many people all across the globe are going through intense personal changes and sensing an expansion of consciousness. Personal changes of this magnitude can be difficult to recognize and to understand, but here are 21 traits of an awakening soul, a ‘sensitive’, or an ‘empath.’

1.  Being in public places is sometimes overwhelming. Since our walls between self and other are dissolving, we haven’t really learned to distinguish between someone else’s energy and our own. If the general mood of the crowd is herd-like or negative, we can feel this acutely, and may feel like retreating into our own private space. When we have recharged our batteries with meditation, spending time in nature, far away from other people, or just sitting in quiet contemplation, we are ready to be with the masses again. In personal relationships, we often will feel someone else’s emotions as our own. It is important to have this higher sense of empathy, but we must learn to allow another person’s emotions while observing them and keeping our empathy, but, realizing that not all emotions belong to us. Social influence can dampen our own innate wisdom.

2.  We know things without having to intellectually figure them out. Often called intuitive awareness, we have ‘a-ha’ moments and insights that can explain some of the most complex theories or phenomenon in the world. Some of the most brilliant minds of our time just ‘know.’ Adepts and sages often were given downloads of information from higher states of consciousness after meditating or being in the presence of a more conscious individual; this is happening for more people with more frequency. As we trust our intuition more often, it grows stronger.  This is a time of ‘thinking’ with our hearts more than our heads. Our guts will no longer be ignored. Our dreams are becoming precognitive and eventually our conscious thoughts will be as well.

3.  Watching television or most of main stream media, including newspapers and many Hollywood movies is very distasteful to us. The mindset that creates much, but not all, of the programming on television and in cinema is abhorrent. It commodifies people and promotes violence. It reduces our intelligence and numbs our natural empathetic response to someone in pain.

4.  Lying to us is nearly impossible. We may not know exactly what truth you are withholding, but we can also tell (with our developing intuition and ESP skills) that something isn’t right. We also know when you have other emotions, pain, love, etc. that you aren’t expressing. You’re an open book to us. We aren’t trained in counter-intelligence, we are just observant and knowing. While we may pick up on physical cues, we can look into your eyes and know what you are feeling.

5.  We may pick up symptoms of your cold, just like men who get morning sickness when their wives are pregnant. Sympathy pains, whether emotional or physical, are something we experience often. We tend to absorb emotion through the solar plexus, considered the place we ‘stomach emotion’ so as we learn to strengthen this chakra center, we may sometimes develop digestive issues. Grounding to the earth can help to re-establish our emotional center. Walking barefoot is a great way to re-ground.

6.  We tend to root for the underdog, those without voices, those who have been beaten down by the matrix, etc. We are very compassionate people, and these marginalized individuals often need more love. People can sense our loving hearts, so complete strangers will often tell us their life stories or approach us with their problems. While we don’t want to be a dumping ground for everyone’s issues, we are also a good ear for those working through their stuff.

7.  If we don’t learn how to set proper boundaries, we can get tired easily from taking on other people’s emotions. Energy Vampires are drawn to us like flies to paper, so we need to be extra vigilant in protecting ourselves at times.

8.  Unfortunately, sensitives or empaths often turn to drug abuse or alcohol to block some of their emotions and to ‘protect’ themselves from feeling the pain of others.

9.  We are all becoming healers. We naturally gravitate toward healing fields, acupuncture, reiki, Qi-Gong, yoga, massage, midwivery, etc. are fields we often find ourselves in. We know that the collective needs to be healed, and so we try our best to offer healing in whatever form we are most drawn to. We also turn away from the ‘traditional’ forms of healing ourselves. Preferring natural foods, herbs, and holistic medicine as ways to cure every ailment.

10.  We see the possibilities before others do. Just like when the church told Copernicus he was wrong, and he stood by his heliocentric theory, we know what the masses refuse to believe. Our minds are light-years ahead.

11.  We are creative. We sing, dance, paint, invent, or write. We have amazing imaginations.

12.  We require more solitude than the average person.

13.  We might get bored easily, but we are really good at entertaining ourselves.

14.  We have a difficult time doing things we don’t want to do or don’t really enjoy. We really do believe life was meant to be an expression of joy. Why waste it doing something you hate? We aren’t lazy, we are discerning.

15.  We are obsessed with bringing the truth to light. Like little children who say, “that’s not fair” we want to right the wrongs of the world, and we believe it often just takes education. We endeavor to explain the unexplainable and find answers to the deep questions of life. We are seekers, in the Campbellian paradigm. ‘The Hero With a Thousand Faces.”

16.  We can’t keep track of time. Our imaginations often get away with us and a day can feel like a minute, a week, a day.

17.  We abhor routine.

18.  We often disagree with authority (for obvious reasons).

19.  We will often be kind, but if you are egotistical or rude, we won’t spend much time with you or find an excuse to not hang out with people who are obsessed with themselves. We don’t ‘get’ people who are insensitive to other people’s feelings or points of view.

20.  We may be vegan or vegetarian because we can sense a certain energy of the food we eat, like if an animal was slaughtered inhumanely. We don’t want to consume negative energy.

21.  We wear our own emotions on our sleeves and have a hard time ‘pretending’ to be happy if we aren’t. We avoid confrontation, But will quietly go about changing the world in ways you can’t even see.

These 21 traits of an awakening soul are a reminder of how important it is to maintain awareness, clarity and strength in these interesting times. If you are experiencing something that is not on this list, please add it to the comments section below.

About the Author

Christina Sarich is a musician, yogi, humanitarian and freelance writer who channels many hours of studying Lao Tzu, Paramahansa Yogananda, Rob Brezny, Miles Davis, and Tom Robbins into interesting tidbits to help you Wake up Your Sleepy Little Head, and See the Big Picture. Her blog is Yoga for the New World. Her latest book is Pharma Sutra: Healing the Body And Mind Through the Art of Yoga.

25 things babies born in 2014 may never know

When kids born in 2014 start asking about what life was like back in the old days, you'll have this list to show them how things used to be. This post comes from Stacy Johnson at partner site Money Talks News
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1. The post office. Instead of email, someone used to come all the way to your house just to drop a bunch of ads into a box on the front porch. This service was a big money loser.

2. Parking meters. There was a time when you had to pay for parking by putting coins into a little steel box on a pole.

3. Bank tellers. People used to visit a bank branch to make deposits and withdrawals. What a lot of effort expended on something that can be done digitally in mere seconds with no travel involved.

4. Paper statements. Trees used to give their lives so that those who refused to go digital could get bills and other statements in the mail. (See No. 1.)

5. Paper checks. While it was illegal to make your own paper money, it was OK to write an amount of money on a piece of ordinary paper. Once you signed it, it somehow magically became the same as money.

6. Cable TV. Before universal Wi-Fi, there used to be a wire running all the way from downtown to bring entertainment into the house. Judging by the price, you'd have thought it contained a cure for cancer.

7. Toll booths. Before they started charging tolls by taking a picture of your license plate, you had to stop at a booth and either throw money in a basket or hand it to someone. They were kind of like phone booths on the turnpike.

8. Phone booths. Before everyone had wireless phones, there used to be little glass rooms on street corners where you'd go in and use coins to make a call. For some people, they also doubled as bathrooms.

9. Newspapers. In days before everyone had computers at home and in their pockets, printing presses made paper versions of websites. People would then drive around and throw them on your lawn.

10. Car keys. Cars had keys you'd insert into a keyhole in the doors and dashboard to unlock and start the car. Sometimes you'd lock them in, then try to retrieve them with a coat hanger. Other people would stop and try to help.

11. Bookstores. A retail store where you'd go to buy books.

12. Books. There used to be a physical version of e-books made out of paper.

13. DVDs. Before movies were delivered online, they came on discs you'd stick into your computer or a player attached to your TV.

14. Incandescent lighting. This kind of light bulb didn't last as long or cost as much as LED lighting, but it had a nice glow to it.

15. Fax machines. These devices transmitted a piece of paper to another fax machine anywhere in the world. It worked over phone lines.

16. Phone lines. Before wireless, calls were carried on wires. Like power wires, they were strung everywhere and stopped working during snow and ice storms.

17. Non-digital picture frames. There was a time when a picture frame could only display one picture at a time, so you needed a frame for every picture. Some were better looking than the picture they contained.

18. Cursive handwriting. You'd pick up a pen or pencil and actually write things by hand. Not only that, but the letters of each word were all connected in such a way that it was often impossible to decipher.

19. Camcorders. Before HD video cameras became standard in phones, you had to buy a separate device if you wanted video selfies.

20. Blind dates. In the days before dating websites, people were forced to meet one another any way they could, including being introduced to friends of friends. It was awkward, because there was no way to IM, text, exchange pics or otherwise communicate before actually meeting. The people you met this way usually weren't as good looking as you.

21. Talking to one person at a time. Before pocket computers, you weren't required to stay in constant communication via text. Nor was it customary to let everyone you'd ever met know where you were and what you were doing via Facebook. As a result, you'd often find yourself forced to communicate solely with the people in front of you.

22. Driving a car. Before self-driving cars, you had to do it all: gas, brakes, mirrors, turn signals, talk on the phone, text, put on makeup and eat, all at the same time.

23. Setting a thermostat. Before "The Internet of Things," you had to manually set the temperature in your house.

24. Forgetting someone's name. Before Google Glass came along, we had to recognize faces all by ourselves, and remember their personal information.

25. Buying music. With Pandora, Spotify, Rdio, iTunes Radio, etc., we have unlimited music libraries that we pay for by the month. Before that, we bought our music one song or album at a time and built collections.

Can you add to the list?

Resolutions

Oscar Wilde on The Artistic Life (from De Profundis)

“A man whose desire is to be something separate from himself, to be a member of Parliament, or a successful grocer, or a prominent solicitor, or a judge, or something equally tedious, invariably succeeds in being what he wants to be. That is his punishment. Those who want a mask have to wear it.

 But with the dynamic forces of life, and those in whom those dynamic forces become incarnate, it is different. People whose desire is solely for self-realization never know where they are going. They can’t know.”

Oscar Wilde is saying that if you want to be something other than yourself, you may well succeed, but that may not bring happiness. The true path to fulfillment is to focus on self realization.

Every year at this time people make New Years resolutions, our self development society depends on this idea of setting resolutions or goals for oneself.  The Self development industry is goal obsessed. Its focus and drive is on helping you become. People buy books on how to become a rich businessman or a famous this or successful that.

The trouble with external goals like these is that they don’t give you what you are actually looking for When you achieve your goals, you have only given yourself what Wilde calls “your punishment.”

Put all your efforts into becoming rich or successful in your career, and you may become so. However, that does not mean you’ll be happy.

External labels are alluring and society shapes itself around us to make us wear our uniforms as ourselves, forgetting that self realization and true, fulfilling happiness is a separate quest entirely.

So rather than making a concerted effort from now on to focus only on your external goals, try to focus on self realization. This doesn't mean you cannot set goals or resolutions for external gain. Goal setting is extremely useful, but it’s just one step in the journey, not the final destination.

If you have the courage, start consciously asking yourself whether what you are searching for is really what you want, or whether it’s just “fools gold” that won’t help you actually feel fulfilled in the long term.

What Oscar Wilde realized was that if you spend all your time and energy trying to achieve a certain status or title, you may do so,  but that’s all you’ll ever be. If however you focus on developing as a person, and fully actualizing the essence of who you are, you can never tell what you will become, but whatever it is, you’ll be sure to enjoy the journey.

There is no road map to self realization but to make a start think about what Oscar Wilde said and apply the idea of combing both self realization to your goals of becoming or doing something, and if you do you should be successful and have a wonderful 2014

Christmas or Birthday

I was born close to Xmas, so when I was growing up my parents had to make a choice do they give me a Xmas present or a birthday present. We were not rich, or even middle class by today's standards. We were working class poor and when I was a young child, since my birthday is close to Christmas, I either received a birthday gift or a Christmas gift but not both and some Xmas seasons, my brothers and I received nothing. When I was older my father had worked hard, finished his grade 12, and completed his trade ticket so we had more money, and I was finally able to receive both a Christmas and a birthday gift.

I never felt upset with this nor did I think about it much. We did not have a lot when I was young, but what we had was enough. BC has one of the highest poverty rates for children in Canada, because of a lot of reasons, and many people (rightfully so) are advocating and campaigning the government to help children and their families out of poverty. 

I agree with the idea of a living wage and other incentives to keep or lift families out of poverty. What I do not agree with is the sentiment expressed by some that children in poor homes are in danger. Yes, some parents, who do not have good coping or parenting skills may cause a child harm, but these parents can come from any class of society. Working poor parents and parents on welfare, do what they can to help their children to have an emotionally good life. If a child is loved, cared for, and treated with respect and kindness they will bloom and will have the ability to gain the confidence they need in later life to do something positive.  

Two Wolves

The folk story of "Two Wolves" has come to me a number of times since the summer so I thought it would be interesting to share some thoughts on it. This story is attributed to many different tribal people. No published accounts of Cherokee oral history, folklore, or philosophy-of which their are many-include this story and it's basic premise of good battling evil is foreign to the Cherokee world-view.

This story, as many others like it, (even IF it were native in origin) would not be attributed to any "one" person as those are verbal stories handed down for generations.

Please note that this story is Inconsistent with native story forms, Native Stories do NOT contain the 'Moral of the story' at the end like non-native stories do.

For instance: The story in Native Form would be:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.  "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

Non-Natives would add this to the story:
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" 

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

This difference is social-religious between the two cultures and is a good way to tell which stories maybe of native origin, and which are not. Religion can be seen as a set of ethics that follows the message of god or a spiritual head. Culture can be seen as something that is common to all people belonging to a nation or a state irrespective of their language or community or religion.

Many of the posts and emails I have received with this story go on to talk about what the message means. How one can take the message and create a better vision for themselves, a better path to enlightenment or the steps needed to become a better person. How one interprets this story is important for us as we Boomers examine our live and move into the next phase of living. This is important because as part of our journey, we will be starting to put together our stories, which contain our own wisdom and view of the world. Do we embrace religion, or culture or both? What message do we want our grandchildren to  hear from us? Which beast do we feed?

 In The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life, Durkheim (David Émile Durkheim April 15, 1858 – November 15, 1917 was a French sociologist. He formally established the academic discipline and, with Karl Marx and Max Weber, is commonly cited as the principal architect of modern social science and father of sociology) recognized the social origin of religion. Durkheim argued that religion acted as a source of solidarity and identification for the individuals within a society, especially as a part of mechanical solidarity systems, and to a lesser, but still important extent in the context of organic solidarity. Religion provided a meaning for life, it provided authority figures, and most importantly for Durkheim, it reinforced the morals and social norms held collectively by all within a society. Far from dismissing religion as mere fantasy, despite its natural origin, Durkheim saw it as a critical part of the social system. Religion provides social control, cohesion, and purpose for people, as well as another means of communication and gathering for individuals to interact and reaffirm social norms

Thought for the day

There's always a deeper reason  for the emotions you feel, the doubts you have, the questions you raise, and the fears you entertain.  It's called "wanting it all."

Fall is the Best time of the year

Beause of:

• Cooler temperatures!
• Getting to wear sweatshirts, and sweaters,.
• The clouds return to the mountains and every day the view is new
• Hot chocolate
• Hot apple cider
•  Hot spiced wine
•  The anticipation of upcoming holidays, gathering with friends and family
•  The gradual winding down of yardwork
•  Stormy colours in the sky
• Halloween…decorations, kids on the street, spookiness
• Thanksgiving. Perfect holiday. Family, friends, food, gratitude.
• Giving in to the seasonal desire for new notebooks and pens!
• Fall fruits – apples, pears, etc.
• Fall veggies – acorn squash, yams, etc.
• The smell of apple crisp or gingerbread bakingBrightly colored leaves on the trees
• Getting the fireplace going
• Pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks
• The debut of new shows on TV (yeah, I admit it)
• People complaining about the (relative) cold
• People saying, “I wouldn't mind if it never got any colder than this.” 
• Comparing our weather in BC with the weather in Ontario.
• Feeding and watering the house plants less oftenStarting to think about Christmas gifts for people
• Good hiking weather
• Orion dancing through the morning sky
• The Leonids meteor showersHot tea on a cool morning patio
•  Fat pine cones on our pine tree
• Christmas decorations starting to show up in the stores…I really don’t mind. I like the colours and the anticipation.
• Lighting candles in the evening
• You know that scent, right? It is earthy and rich and moist. It comes later in the fall when the leaves have been falling for a while and have probably been rained on and maybe there have been a couple of slightly warmer days so the decomposition has started. You must know that scent. It is autumn
• Pumpkins everywhere. They’re so common, they’re like a piece of furniture this time of year and they’re good until Thanksgiving!
• Witches and black cats. I love the history and origins of Halloween and all the symbols, too.
• Haunted houses. We didn't get to go to any “haunted” houses this year but I love being scared. Halloween and costumes. I loved seeing the kids from babies to near-adults (and some adults, too) dressed up from cute to freaky. 
• Trick-or-treat. I love this culmination of the scary-season: the costumes, 
• Daylight savings. Yes, it’s controversial but I become more productive in the morning because of it
• New autumn smells permeate the air. The first time you catch a whiff of smoke coming from a neighbour's chimney, you know fall as officially arrived. That smell mingles in with the dry leaves cluttering the ground and your olfactory senses can't deny that the smell of fall is in the air. 

Self esteem is important

People who are confident and have high self esteem will always attract  good circumstances and situations into their reality. This is when they have genuine confidence or appear to the outside world that they have this confidence. People do not generally feel secure, so they like to be with people who are confident. Confident people attract other confident people. Like attracts like.

How do we obtain genuine confidence? By living our life in a joyous way, surrounding ourselves with the things that make us feel good and having goals which we want to achieve and strive towards and goals that we reach.

How do we move towards achievement of goals, we do that by having good habits of success. Habits are the things we do automatically without thinking about them or exerting will power. If you have the right habits already in place, you will act automatically and with absolute certainty. If you aren't succeeding , look at the habits you have formed in your life.  Are these habits helping or hindering your goals? 

What you do in the morning and how you handle it will determine where you end up in your life. Successful people tend to be early risers and you need to be one too, if you want to succeed. Waking up early makes your mind stronger, clearer and more focused. This brings the power of the subconscious mind to the surface so success becomes easier.

Train yourself to wake up between 5am-7am or whatever is realis ticfor you. The mind can easily do with 4-6 hours of sleep if it's trained for it

Nothing Lasts

Nothing lasts forever, and the individual who is not attuned to that reality is likely to be unnecessarily vulnerable to inevitable bumps in the road.  She  is constantly caught off balance and finds herself unprepared to make the rational decisions necessary to leading a happy, successful life.  

It's also important to understand that losses are built into your life's equation by constant change and factors beyond your control.  If you don't understand this reality, you're likely to be overwhelmed by frustration whenever things don't work out the way you planned.  

On the other hand, if you acknowledge the reality that life has an annoying habit of not cooperating with your plans, your brain does not self-destruct whenever fate happens to take one of its infamous sharp turns.  Thus, even though you accept the reality that life is fraught with adversity, you do more than just hope for the best.  You mentally prepare yourself for dealing with adversity.

While dealing life's unpleasant and unanticipated changes, you should make it a point to extract the lesson learned and use your new found knowledge to be better prepared the next time around. The bad experience is history, so let go of it.  Instead, focus on the knowledge you've gained, because that knowledge can prove to be far more valuable than the fruits of victory.  

Understanding that adversity that often comes with change is an integral part of life will make it far easier for you to move the dirt between you and your diamonds.  It's all part of the price you pay for success.  You are much ahead of the game if you accept the reality that everything in life has a price.  If you delude yourself into believing otherwise, you will repeatedly learn the hard way that actions do indeed have consequences.

When changing circumstances disrupt your best-laid plans, I suggest you take a tip from Voltaire, who said, "Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them.  The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us." Remember that you do not always have to know when you are going to get to your goal, or how you are going to get to your goal, but you do need to take the next step. The next step is to set up small goals that you can reach quickly, to help you move away from the negative.

Dare to take a chance

Earlier I posted a letter that I will share with my grandson, when he is older, but I would add the following to the ideas that I told him. 

In ages past we accepted that life was full of hardships. The odds were simple; either succeed or starve, kill or be killed. As civilisations discovered fire and then electricity and gas to keep warm, bought food from markets and built houses of stone, people became less willing to deal with any unexpected events that threatened to turn their cosy life upside down. 

We all want something to cushion the impact of the unexpected.and for some it has weakened their strength as individuals. I know that we can surmount any problem or situation that life throws our way. Unfortunately, it's all too easy to reel off a list of bad things that could happen to us. For most people it's easier than thinking of the good things that could happen. People can become slaves to their vivid imagination that conjures up bad news items that could happen to them, and they allow these images to cripple their actions. 

If people dwell on the negative they could become:

• Too afraid to start that great business idea because of all the things they imagine that could go wrong. 
• Too frightened to sell up and buy a larger house in another area because the house prices could drop or the children won't like the new schools, 

or... and so it goes on for an endless list.

Every child loves surprises and life for most children is fun and exciting. If you want to make sure you don't stifle your need for excitement keep your childlike sense of life and fun and:

1. Dare to be individual.

2. Dare to develop your own style - instead of following fashion.

3. Dare to study and work to improve yourself in your profession.

4. Dare to have a positive mental attitude and the courage to try.

In other words: Dare to take a chance.

A letter to my grandson

On your 3rd birthday here are some thoughts that one day I hope you understand.
Ryder, you have a choice about what kind of person you will be, and you make these choices every day by the actions you take, the thoughts you think, and the way you interact with other people. The person you become is the accumulation of every day that you live and the choices you make daily. 

You can be content and let others make choices for you and if you don’t choose, the world will choose for you. But I am not writing about the world, I am writing to you because I love you and I want you to be the best person you can be. There is only one life and that life is about you. It’s your life.  You only get one and it’s happening right now, so choose the life you want.

Don't over think, let your heart and soul guide you in the decisions that you make. Your mom and dad have given you  a strong foundation so you can figure out what is right and wrong and what is important. Remember, that when you’re deciding what it is that you want,  you don’t need to have it all figured out as sometimes serendipity is a wonderful way to decide.

Be your own man, by that I mean don't rely on friends or adults to help you make decisions when  it comes to choosing the life you want. Friends come and go. Over your lifetime you will have a circle of friends and acquaintances of about 200 people, but the 200 people that come to your high school graduation, will not be the same 200 people that come to your wedding. We change, our friends change, it is sad but it’s true. 

True friends are rare and hard to find, but if you have a true friend they  will support you and love you and understand, no matter what choices you make. If you ever make a choice that they don’t agree with, they'll understand that it was your choice to make. If they don’t understand that – then it’s time for you to let go of that friendship because you've grown in different directions.

Don’t listen to adults when it comes to choosing the life you want. I know that I have been making things up as I go along and I suspect many other adults believe the same about how they operate their lives.  Many adults, who have a vested interest, will try to tell you what sort of life you want. These people will want you to buy their products or work in their companies or support them in their endeavours  If you truly want to do those things, then go for it. But don’t make those choices based on what “they” say. It’s not their life – it’s yours.

Finally, don’t listen to me or your parents when it comes to choosing the life you want.  I'm your grandpa and I love you more deeply than anything. You mom and dad and granny and  I only want the best for you. But even we can’t say what’s right for your life. That’s for you to decide. And we won’t be around forever. We may not agree with all of the choices you'll make, but we know that they are your choices to make because it’s your life. I am sure that your mom and dad love you and will support you in whatever choices you make although they will try to influence you to make choices with which they agree. I love you and I support you  well.

Speaking of not being around forever, no one has  a guaranteed time on this earth. So, do not, waste a single moment on regret or fear. Accept that you'll make mistakes –  we all do and will continue to do so, making mistakes is part of being human. 

Some people make mistakes and they freeze and they do not move forward with the life they deserve. It is difficult, but promise me and more importantly promise yourself that you won’t let those mistakes stop you. Mistakes can be lessons that will help guide you to the life you do want. 

Get in touch with your heart, like you were when you were young. As a child you loved adventure, playing music, and creating order. There were times when the adults around you would be loud and boisterous but you would find peace for yourself and listen to you heart. Listen to it always and listen carefully – it will guide you well. Then make your choices and act!

Love Grandpa

Inspired by Patrick Mathieu

Poetry in Motion

Poetry evokes emotion; emotion is energy in motion.

Every thought you have, have ever had, and ever will have is creative and takes energy. A thought can be forever if it is shared. When our thoughts meet other thoughts, an incredible maze of energy cam be formed creating an ever-changing pattern of beauty or unbelievable complexity.

Like thought attracts like thought—forming energy of a like kind. When enough similar thoughts criss-cross each other they stick to each other. It does not take a huge amount of similar thinking to form an ideal. Once thought becomes an ideal, it remains that for a very long time—unless its construction is disrupted by an opposing, or dissimilar ideal. This dissimilar ideal, acting upon us may actually force some of the group to reconsider the original thought and reposition their energy to defending the original ideal casting the original ideal aside and embracing the new.

Dare to Take a Chance

The only places to find security are a prison or mental hospital. Inmates are assured a roof over their heads, food and warmth and no responsibilities. The price tag for this security? No freedom.

Unfortunately, it's all too easy to reel off a list of bad things that could happen to us. For most people it's easier than thinking of the good things that could happen. People who crave security are slaves to a vivid imagination that conjures up bad news items that could happen to them, and they allow these images to cripple their actions. Too afraid to start that great business idea because of all the things they imagine that could go wrong. Too frightened to sell up and buy a larger house in another area because the house prices could drop or the children won't like the new schools, or... and so it goes on for an endless list.

Every child loves surprises and life is fun and exciting because of this. As we grow up and we fight for security, we eliminate the risks but in doing so we eliminate the surprises and limit our chances to achieve more than a humdrum life.

If you want to make sure you don't stifle your need for excitement:

1. Dare to be individual.

2. Dare to develop your own style - instead of following fashion.

3. Dare to study and work to improve yourself in your profession.

4. Dare to have a positive mental attitude and the courage to try.

In other words: Dare to take a chance

Look to the Future

If you dwell on your past mistakes your creativity can crash to a grinding halt and you will be unable to move forward. Losing is good if you interpret it correctly.

Demonstration Example: A friend of mine told me how a number of years ago, an acquaintance of his, approached him with a spectacular lead about a stock that was certain to triple in price in the next few weeks. The price was $7.45 a share. So, despite his misgivings he bought 200 shares. From that day the stock dropped. Finally eighteen months later he decided to cut his losses and sell.

He sold the stock for a huge loss at a grand total of $413. He could have let this one bad experience drive him from ever investing in the stock market again. However, this wise man explained, he was glad to have learned such valuable lessons.

It taught him:

1. Ignore the guy who wants to give a hot tip.
2. Check into a company carefully before buying.
3. Sell if it starts dropping too much.

Education of the Highest Merit

Don't regard mistakes as mistakes. It ceases to be a mistake and loses its power to hold you back if you can learn to be glad that you've not failed but learned valuable lessons in life. That attitude will help you to build future successes.

Lost a job? You probably weren't suited, so take the time out to decide what you really want to do. Built a business and then it crashed? Perhaps you don't like running your own business. Can't sell a product? Look for the reason and then act. Either try out other ways to sell it or scrap the product and sell a different one.

Blessed is he who is not discouraged by mistakes. Blessed is he who is glad he makes mistakes. Winning - or losing - is a state of mind.

Be In Charge Of Your Life

Caring what other people think of you puts them in charge of your life, instead of you.

'What will other people think of me?' slavery is extremely common. Most of us are brought up (rightfully so) to consider others. But, unless we are discerning, we soon find ourselves caught up in a job we can't stand, or living in a relationship which makes us unhappy, or getting caught up in the spiral of poverty.

'Trying to please other people all the time' syndrome begins in childhood. It stems from a desire to be liked and admired. Let's look at a fairly typical scenario: three boys, Fred, Joe, and Matthew, all five years old, are best pals. They fight to sit together at school and spend their breaks in a group. Fred comes to school one day with a stack of pokemon cards to show his friends. Joe is envious of Fred's collection and a fight breaks out when Fred refuses to give a prized card to Joe.

There are several resulting scenarios, all with serious implications for Fred's future. A teacher could break up the fight and make Fred feel guilty for not parting with the prized card. Joe could refuse to talk to Fred even ending the friendship, unless Fred relented. Matthew would side with either Joe or Fred, or be a peacemaker and force the other two to discuss the problem and sort it out amicably.

The biggest danger to Fred, is if the solution entails his giving the card away, when he really doesn't want to. In other words, if the only reason he gives in, is because he desperately wants to be liked and it really matters what his friends think of him. If they were real friends, of course, Joe would understand Fred's view and Matthew would not criticise. Fred might even willingly offer Joe another not so valuable card out of his collection.

Over the years thousands of small incidents build up, until by the time we are adults, most of us make a habit of putting what other people think of us before our own personal needs and desires.

The Right Reasons

Before you cut the grass, decorate the house, start a business, go on holiday, always ask yourself, 'am I doing this for the right reasons?' Yes, the gardening has to be done, but not if you're in the middle of crucial market research and if you don't cut the grass today you're worried that the neighbour's will think you're lazy. Yes, a house has to be decorated, but not if it's at the expense of your health through shooting your stress level through the roof trying to fit it in between a busy advertising campaign, and it's only because your partner insists you do it now.

'Other people' slavery kills your creativity, your energy and drive towards your own goals and fulfilling your dreams. It stops you from going to places you want to visit and enjoying the kind of entertainment that you enjoy. So, make certain you're not always driven to do things, merely because you're worried about what other people think of you. Be confident in who you are!

Lessons from Stephen Covey

The most important lesson I learned came from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. In that book, Covey presents a technique for prioritizing that impressed me greatly and soon became a central part of my planning process. 

Divide your tasks, Covey says, into four categories: 

• Not important and not urgent
• Not important but urgent
• Important but not urgent
• Important and urgent

In the "not important and not urgent" category, you would put such things as: 

• Catching up on office gossip
• Shopping online for personal items
• Answering unimportant phone calls
• Responding to unimportant e-mails
• In the "not important but urgent" category, you would include: 
• Returning phone calls from pesky salespeople
• Making last-minute preparations for an office party
• Attending a required meeting that doesn't help your career
• Planning for a meeting that doesn't matter

In the "important and urgent" category, you might list: 

• Making last-minute preparations for an important meeting with the boss
• Making last-minute sales calls to key clients
• Solving unexpected problems
• And, finally, in the "important but not urgent" category, you might include: 
• Learning how to write better
• Learning how to speak better
• Learning how to think better
• Working on your novel
• Getting down to a healthy weight

If you discover that you are spending a lot of time on unimportant tasks, you've got a serious problem. Unless you change your ways, you're unlikely to achieve any of your important goals. 
So which tasks should you give priority to? 

In Seven Habits, Covey says that most people think they should give priority to important and urgent tasks. But this is a mistake. "It's like the pounding surf," he says. "A huge problem comes and knocks you down and you're wiped out. You struggle back up only to face another one that knocks you down and slams you to the ground." You are "literally beat up by problems all day every day." 

The important but not urgent tasks whisper, while the urgent tasks shout. But there is a way to get that critical but quiet stuff done in four simple steps: 

Step 1. When planning your day, divide your tasks into Covey's four categories: not important and not urgent, not important but urgent, important but not urgent, and important and urgent.

Step 2. You will, of course, have to do or the urgent tasks - at least until you get better at taking charge of your schedule. And you will have to find a way to get rid of the tasks that are not important and not urgent. But make sure you include one important but not urgent task that, when completed, will move you closer to one of your long-term goals.

Step 3. Highlight that important but not urgent task on your to-do list. Make it your number one priority for the day.

Step 4. Do that task first - before you do anything else.

Initially, you will find it difficult to do an important but not urgent task first. There are reasons for that. 

• Since it is not urgent, you don't feel like it's important. But it is.
• Since it supports a goal you've been putting off, you are in the habit of neglecting it.
• You are in the habit of neglecting it because you don't think it's important and because you might be afraid of doing it.
• You might be afraid of doing it because you know, deep down inside, that it will change your life. And change, even good change, is scary.

But once you start using this little four-step technique, you'll notice something right away. 

The first thing you'll notice is how good you feel. Accomplishing something you've been putting off is energizing. It will erase some doubts you have about yourself - doubts caused by years of "never getting to" your long-term goals. 

Keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar

At my Nephews wedding my younger brother and his wife gave a short speech. My brother and his wife are fairly conservative. Before the speech, my brother said to me, as I congratulated him on the bible reading he had done at the ceremony, "I hope that I don't blow my next speech, I have some humour in the speech, and I hope that everyone gets it and laughs" I told him I would lead the laughter if needed.

What my brother had to say surprised all of us and here is one of the things he had to say about marriage and how to keep a healthy relationship. (I hope I do his speech justice)

"Rule number 10 for a happy marriage, Keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar. Now, not many people know about the Jelly Bean Jar, but when your mom and I were married, we had to go for marriage lessons. The first lesson the minister told us was to keep filling the Jelly Bean Jar. We  must of looked confused, because the minister said, "what you do is you go out and buy a great big jar and fill it with Jelly Beans, and every time you make love in the first year of your marriage you take a Jelly Bean out of the Jar." He continued, "by the end of the first year the Jelly Bean Jar will be empty. For the rest of your life, every time you make love, put a Jelly Bean back into the Jar and by the end of your life, hopefully the Jelly Bean Jar will be full again." 

My brother continued to say that he and his wife had been together for 44 years and that they continued to fill the Jelly Bean Jar. I watched his two sons, and daughter faces as they move from puzzlement to laughter. The whole room lit up with laughter and my brother had to wait for the room to calm down before he and his wife continued with the other rules of keeping a marriage strong.

My brother ended the speech by saying, " Marriage is not just about Jelly Beans, it is about commitment to each other, helping and supporting each other and growing in joy with each other." He then pulled out a bag and asked his son and his new wife to come up as he said he and his wife had a present for them. My brother opened the bad and presented his son and his new wife with a big jar filled with Jelly Beans. The audience loved it.